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18 yoss posted outrageous lie on FB....help?

Posted by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 8:59 AM
  • 37 Replies
My 18 yoss posted that BF "physical abused me out of bed", this was the last straw in a series of lies, disrespect and unproductive behavior over the last few months that I have seen,although I suspect that his behavior has been going on for years (one of the reasons BF divorced BM). BF has told BM that he must post a retraction on FB and apologize in person to both of us (he made a disrespectful remark that dragged me into it as well) before he will be welcome in our home again.... I have two grown daughters and even at their worst teen moments they accepted responsibility and accountability for their actions. My SS has not spokent to BF for 3 wks! BM is allowing him to sit around and play xbox whenever he is not in school (cc) he goes 2 full days and 2 half days/wk, he refuses to get his DL so she is driving him anywhere he wants or needs to go and she is asking BF what the big deal is..."he took it off his fb page..." We are sick about this and I absolutely support BF and don't feel what he is demanding be done is unreasonable. This young man has never accepted responsibility/accountability that I have seen and blows up any time he is called out for his actions/inactions.... Any ideas ladies?
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 8:59 AM
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Replies (1-10):
amantonacci
by Gold Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 9:02 AM
Don't worry about it too much it's fb...
Nolove4mom
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 9:19 AM

OUCH!  First thing is first!  Take a deep breath and put down the knife (joke)! Unfortunately there is not much you can do besides set firm rules for your own house.  He is technically an adult.  His BM is not helping him by enabling his laziness and lack of accountability.  BF's request is very reasonable.   

This may sound clinical or overly simple but here are a few suggestions:

-Lectures turn teens ears off. Keep your interaction short and sweet.  Also keep a calm voice and a strong demeanor.

-Let your SS know you love him but you are hurt by his actions.

-Let him know that you and the BF stand firm on your request and will be waiting for him to do the right thing.  When he does you would love to have him come back and see both you and his BF.

-Do not argue with BM.  She is in a destructive place right now.  You cannot control what she does...only what you do. 

-Keep communication open with BF regarding the situation.  Don't pretend this did not happen and do not back down from your request.  Stay strong together.

Good luck, this sounds terribly hurtful.  I pray he comes around quickly.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 9:34 AM

Your huband divorced his wife because of his son's behavior? that is very strange, but if it is true, it might explain why his son is angry at him.

What does "physical abused me out of bed" mean? What was the rest of the post, and what was the context?

It's a shame that your husband has cut ties with his son. I don't know how he can repair the relationship with his son if he won't talk to him. 

LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Oct. 16, 2013 at 9:48 AM

I agree with this, is there more to the story than what is posted?

Quoting whatIknownow:

Your huband divorced his wife because of his son's behavior? that is very strange, but if it is true, it might explain why his son is angry at him.

What does "physical abused me out of bed" mean? What was the rest of the post, and what was the context?

It's a shame that your husband has cut ties with his son. I don't know how he can repair the relationship with his son if he won't talk to him. 


USBrit
by Silver Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 9:49 AM

First of all, I would take this step, block SS from your facebook, then you won't be inclined to critique his page. Lots of kids lie about stuff on facebook, let the chips fall where they may. I have blocked all my Skids, not because they have done anything bad, but because I am not their Mom, Dad doesn't have facebook and as adults they are entitled to write what they want, AND...I don't need to get upset about what they write. I personally agree that kids need more consequences for their acts as that is what makes them responsible adults. As for the relationship between Mom and SS (driving, etc) why do you care...let that go too. You have told him what needs to be done before he can come over, leave it at that. If you are frustrated that he needs to be driven while at your home...just quit driving him. Tell him that you believe he is quite capable of getting his license and being able to come and go without depending on others. You set your boundaries and let Mom have hers....you don't have any control in her home. 

So, in closing stick to your request for an apology to show him that you will not tolerate disrespect...(if you let it go....you are telling him that he can disrespect you and get away with it). Then just block his page and if he puts things on there that are disrespectful, that's on him. Tell your other friends and family "NOT" to share his comments with you. Eventually, when he realizes that he can't get your "goat" he will move on to others. You need to make a final stand, or you will be dealing with this the rest of your life.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 9:56 AM

Why is it BMs responsibility to have SS apologize to DH?

Block Facebook.  Your DH needs to get off his ass and contact his son himself to discuss day's issues.  And what goes on in BMs house is not Dad's issue here.

OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:07 AM

I'm so glad that I didn't have the internet when I was a teenager.  Kids say such stupid things and can't take them back once they are out there in cyberspace. 

It doesn't sound like your SS is on a very good path in life so that is more of a concern than what he wrote on fb.  Why does he not have a dl?  Does he work at all, part time?  How are his grades.  I think that his Dad needs to help his son focus on his future.

fivegirls333
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:12 AM

i have an idea...how about his FATHER take some responsibility for how and where this teenager ended up!  why hasn't his FATHER taken him for his license.  i love how he is excused from any negative characteristics.  here is another idea.  don't give this jerk any more BABIES to fail.  it sounds like he can't handle a relationship, fatherhood, or adulthood very well.  if the FATHER were taking care of it like he should...you wouldn't be trying to parent an adult teen that does not even know you!...or care to!

cmcg1979
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:20 AM

I suppose that did come out wrong.... ONE of the reasons that BF divorced BM is that she has never parented the children as a team.  Any corrective action was always his responsibility and then she would immediately either undo the discipline or relate to the children how mean or horrible BF was.  His son's behavior is largely her crippling him to the point of him not growing up and not wanting to grow up... 

He lied about classes being cancelled and refused to get up and go to school (college), we suspect because he hadn't completed 2 assignments.  The post was exactly written that way... followed by "I'm 18 now dad and I can do what I want!  Start using your head and not to what your new girlfriend is "f...ing telling you!"  (we are engaged, not yet married and have been together for 3 years now engage for the last year)

This is high school all over again but now he is in college, 18 and expecting to do what he wants on our dime... 

We are and have been very encouraging and supportive to him in his young adulthood and accepting responsibility and accountability for his actions.  The problem still lies in his BM continuing to undermine this and continuing to allow him to stay a child and act like a child.  His FB rant was in response to BF requiring him to get up and go to school, when comfronted about the "text" he claimed to have gotten from all 4 professor's conveniently cancelling his classes he said that he accidentally deleted it.  This is not rocket science.... he didn't feel like going to school because he hadn't completed his assignments.  BF NEVER laid a hand on him and his post was simply a way to hurt BF and take attention away from his actions/behavior. 

BF has seen him when picking up SD and has greeted him with no response.  We are continuing to let him know that he is loved and greatly missed in our home, however it is up to him to accept accountability and responsibility for his lies and his behavior.

charleyangel317
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 10:48 AM
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File charges for defamation of character to scare him.

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