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BF's Upcoming Birthday

Posted by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:09 AM
  • 22 Replies

Since many of the SMs here are also BMs, I felt I could ask...

How do you handle the BF's birthday? In our situation, the BF and I are amiable and have a good co-parenting arrangement. Part of me would like to remind my DS9 tonight to  make his dad a birthday card or at least remind him its his birthday.

What do you all do? Nothing, stay out of it? Plant a seed to remind them and see what they do? Take them shopping?

by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:21 AM

Dh used to take the kids shopping until she got married and then her Dh took it over.  Things got bad between SS15 and SF and DH or I started taking him shopping for his Mom for holidays.  The boys are old enough that they know when her birthday is.

OregonMom80
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:02 PM

BM has never taken DSS to get anything for DH.  DH used to take DSS to get a card and small gift for BM until DSS was older and said he didn't want to anymore because BM was mean about it.  Oddly, when DSS and I were out shopping one day he asked me to buy a card for her when he saw Mother's Day cards.  When I asked him later for her b day, he said no thanks.

BM also used to want DSS every year on her b day and offered the same to DH . . . unless he pissed her off, then she'd cancel at the last minute.  So, now it's CO'd they get DSS on their b day.  We ask DSS if he wants to get his mom anything or make a card, he always says no, so we don't.

NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:26 PM

This year BF's birthday happens to fall on a day where my son is with him. But in years past, we have been flexible with each other.

My son's BF is not in a relationship currently. Otherwise, it would be nice to just rely on the woman in his life!

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:43 PM
1 mom liked this

BF is in a relationship so I leave it up to her.  But it is good to teach your kids the importance of remembering a parent's birthday.

I would suggest if BF has a SO, ask him how he would like to handle it.  I guess even if he doesn't, ask him.  I know my DH was really tired of getting gifts from BM through his kids.

NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:50 PM

I would like to think that when BF has serious relationship that involves my son, I would be open enough to her handling it.

That's how I prefer things with my ss/sd, so it has to go both way.

Quoting pdxmum:

BF is in a relationship so I leave it up to her.  But it is good to teach your kids the importance of remembering a parent's birthday.

I would suggest if BF has a SO, ask him how he would like to handle it.  I guess even if he doesn't, ask him.  I know my DH was really tired of getting gifts from BM through his kids.

 

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 2:04 PM

I remind the kids when it's coming up but that's it.  I used to take them shopping but it wasn't reciprocated.  The first year I didn't, BF was upset with ME for it, but when I pointed out that he didn't take them shopping for my birthday (my mom and/or xMIL did, often with money I gave them to shop with) he said that was ok but that he still expected me to take them shopping for him.  I told him he was simply going to be disappointed from now on then.  ;)  He now gives his mom money to shop for them.  He tried to tell her it was now HER responsibility to pay for it but she said no (thank goodness!).  The boys know what he does, he's told them how 'unfair' it all is.  They roll their eyes at him. 

Other than that, if they're not with him on his birthday (usually aren't, even though he put it in the CO they had to be, then he moved too far away to make that happen without missing school....) I remind them ON the day and suggest they call/text him.  I don't know if they do or not, they each have their own phones and I rarely 'watch' for that. 

Singlemama52
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 2:06 PM
For right now, I send a picture and say happy birthday daddy. He ignores my birthday and Mother's Day. I'm not teaching my son that behavior. Whether I like it or not, he's the father, not a very good one but his father so I will recognize him.
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LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Oct. 16, 2013 at 2:08 PM
1 mom liked this

A reminder to the child is sufficient - although at 9 (and you know your child best) mine would require the gentle suggestion, "maybe make a card or something..." after that it is all the kid.

I, personally, do not take the children shopping for a store bought gift; they have a myriad of art supplies and an endless amount of creativity.   

NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 2:21 PM

 This is how my instinct tell me to handle it, as well.

I think shopping and picking out birthday presents is over doing it a bit. Its a nice gesture but I think that's where lines can begin to get blurred.

Plus, I don't feel we need  store bought presents from our kids. A big hug and a happy birthday from my little guy is way better then a tie he won't wear.

Quoting LyndaLoo78:

A reminder to the child is sufficient - although at 9 (and you know your child best) mine would require the gentle suggestion, "maybe make a card or something..." after that it is all the kid.

I personally do not take the children shopping for a store bought gift; they are a myriad of art supplies and an endless amount of creativity.   

 

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 2:26 PM
Usually BM/BF request to have SD spend some time with them on their birthday (usually we go out to or I make dinner.) SD is older so she doesn't really need a reminder of Bdays but usually I take her for BF's and BM's mom or husband takes care of it for BM's to get cards and gifts and such.
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