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BM remarried a year ago and refuses to drop DH's name

Posted by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:12 PM
  • 289 Replies

This is not the 1950s anymore where a woman is looked upon negatively for having a different last name from her kids.

I've been married to DH now for 10 years.  One skid just got married (he's 20), and the other is getting a GED at 17.  BM has now been remarried for one year and will not drop my husband's name!

Everyone around her, including her own kids, think she's behaving inappropriately.  Her husband is none too thrilled with it, and I personally would love to kick her bloody ass.  It is taking a lot of wherewithal for me to keep from getting very nasty about this.

Do you guys think this is pretty screwed up?  It is not like BM has any college degree or professional credentials in the other name, either.  She has a GED.

DH is going to have another talk with the husband.  We just found out she had been lying to us about her intent to change it.

I think she is doing this to keep her mits on her association with DH.

Her boundary issues are starting to rear their ugly heads again!

by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:16 PM
7 moms liked this

I hate to break this to you, but when your DH married her and she changed her name that became her name as well. He doesn't "own" that last name and it's been her name for at least what 11 + years. I suggest getting over it as 1. there is nothing you can do about it and 2. it's none of your business.

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:17 PM

The kids are now adults. Get over it. You can't force her to change HER name and being upset about it is your issue. Your DH really shouldn't be discussing it with her husband either. It is her decision and only one that should be discussed between her and her husband.

Chances are, she might just be doing it because she has seen how much it gets under you and DHs skin. Ignore the issue and it will go away.

fnpdocgrrl
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:18 PM


So it's okay to be remarried to your current husband but keep your EX husband's name?

Ok then.

Quoting soonergirl980:

I hate to break this to you, but when your DH married her and she changed her name that became her name as well. He doesn't "own" that last name and it's been her name for at least what 11 + years. I suggest getting over it as 1. there is nothing you can do about it and 2. it's none of your business.



twinklebites
by Silver Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:19 PM
1 mom liked this
Are you serious? your DH is going to have ANOTHER talk with her DH ? I am fairly positive the last name i question is not that unique. And her associtaion with your DH will always be there they are called children !
soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes it is. We are modern women we don't have to take our husbands names if we don't want to haven't you heard.


Quoting fnpdocgrrl:


So it's okay to be remarried to your current husband but keep your EX husband's name?

Ok then.

Quoting soonergirl980:

I hate to break this to you, but when your DH married her and she changed her name that became her name as well. He doesn't "own" that last name and it's been her name for at least what 11 + years. I suggest getting over it as 1. there is nothing you can do about it and 2. it's none of your business.





StephJackson
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this

I kept my ex husbands last name. Now, when I remarry (I will probably be marrying the man I am with - when I am ready) I will change it. But I am not in a hurry. The man I am with now married a friend of his when he joined the army because she had cancer and needed health insurance (she was a lesbian and so it was a contract marriage to help her) she actually changed her last name to his and still has it 7 years later. His ex wife that he married because he was actually wanting to be married, she kept his last name with a hyphen with her maiden name. It doesn't bother me at all. Especially because both of our last names are common.

fnpdocgrrl
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:20 PM


The skids were discussing it with us.  This is how we found out.  It isn't just my issue, either.  What she's doing is inappropriate and also hurtful to her current husband, who we've come to find is not happy about the way she's behaving.

Quoting SassyMom25:

The kids are now adults. Get over it. You can't force her to change HER name and being upset about it is your issue. Your DH really shouldn't be discussing it with her husband either. It is her decision and only one that should be discussed between her and her husband.

Chances are, she might just be doing it because she has seen how much it gets under you and DHs skin. Ignore the issue and it will go away.



soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:21 PM
3 moms liked this


That is HIS problem not yours.

Quoting fnpdocgrrl:


The skids were discussing it with us.  This is how we found out.  It isn't just my issue, either.  What she's doing is inappropriate and also hurtful to her current husband, who we've come to find is not happy about the way she's behaving.

Quoting SassyMom25:

The kids are now adults. Get over it. You can't force her to change HER name and being upset about it is your issue. Your DH really shouldn't be discussing it with her husband either. It is her decision and only one that should be discussed between her and her husband.

Chances are, she might just be doing it because she has seen how much it gets under you and DHs skin. Ignore the issue and it will go away.





melissanoel
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:21 PM

I don't see the big deal. I would not be upset about that at all. It's just a last name. My parents divorced and my mom kept my dad's last name. It certainly wasn't a way to hang on to him. I think that's pretty normal.

fnpdocgrrl
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this

I thought this was a stepmom's group.  Seems to be more of a BM's group lol.

Nevermind.  Thought there'd be some understanding on here, but turns out I was wrong.

How a woman can remarry and keep her EX husband's name is beyond me.  It is not the same at all as keeping one's maiden name, either.

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