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Revisiting the "who buys kid a car" issue

Posted by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:23 PM
  • 21 Replies

SD15 will be 16 in a few months.  Making sure that she has a car when she is legally able to drive would mean that she could get herself to and from activities, help get her sister to things--more opportunities for SD14--and in general, it would make it possible for them to do things that they can no longer do since we moved and can't provide transport like we used to.

Up til now, it just hasn't been something we could afford to do.  And BM is very adamantly opposed to the kids working in any capacity so there's no opportunity for SD to save up money to buy her own.  BUT...DH is getting ready to take a post that will greatly increase his income and mentioned a few days ago that with some of this extra money, he'd like to put 3500 towards a car for SD15 with BM chipping in the same.  That way, SD can have a safe, older vehicle to get around in.  DH discussed it with BM and she's in agreement.

I think this sounds reasonable.  But I seriously doubt that BM will chip in.  She never has in the past even when she said she would.  I can think of several situations where BM approached us about going in halves on a gift or an activity or whatever only for her to bail out once the money had been spent. And while this isn't the biggest issue, it's been frustrating because she still takes credit for these gifts.  She does the same thing with things her Mom buys the kids.

Anyway...even with the extra income, 3500 is a lot for us.  My fear is that this will end up like the other big purchases and we'll end up funding the whole thing.  Has anyone come up with a good way to share large expenses that doesn't involve one party footing the whole bill and waiting to be paid? Is there some sort of escrow account that can be used for things like this? Something where if BM doesn't put in her portion, we can get our portion back?

Because of where the kids live, having something that is road worthy enough to go 70mph safely on the interstate is important so we can't just buy a junker.  It has to be something with air bags and some reasonable safety features.   For 6-7k, I think we can find that.  But not for 3500.  I am totally on board with the idea of helping buy a car. I just would like to protect ourselves from putting our own finances on the line and having BM back out.



by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
baquick
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Hmmm. Idk, maybe a savings acct for SD? I really am not sure. So here's a big ol bump for you
baquick
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Maybe hold on to the cash until bm ante's up? Then go together to get a vehicle? That's really all I can think of ATM.
mom7834
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:50 PM

I would hold onto the $3500 and once BM ives you $3500 you then buy the car.

you would be crazy to buy the car and wait for the money!  and don't you just have the one car for you and your DH??  why can't he buy something for you so your not stuck home alone because he has the car!  and.....who is going to be paying for gas, repairs, insurance if the kid doesn't work??  Birdseed sorry but once again your dh

has his head up his ass.

spicy0425
by Silver Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:51 PM

 If BM's credit is good enough for a car loan, maybe you can put $3500 in cash and she can put in whichever cash she can and the rest she'll gets a car loan with the  same amount in her name only? This to make both contribution separate and the BM will be solely responsible for her portion. Just a thought.

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:54 PM
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Who wants SD15 to have a car?  SD herself?  If she's not very motivated, I'd put that $3,500 in an account, set aside, and if she decides to get involved and really research the cars she's looking at, then call whoever she's purchasing it from, DH can wire the money to them and it'll be done.  If it's DH or BM who want SD15 to have the car, do not do it!  It will be money wasted no matter how 'convenient' it may seem to all involved.  Do not, under any circumstances, hand the money to SD or BM, IMO.  BM in your situation will find a way to spend it on something other than a car for SD15 and then where will any of you be? 

No child NEEDS a car at 16.  Save the money, wait for SD to pursue this on her own, then help out.  That's my opinion. 

(ETA)  Oh, who'll pay for insurance too?  Part of DH's or BMs?  How much MORE will that be?  No job/income? Who pays for her gas to use the car?  Wear and tear on the car?  (snow tires needed?  oil changes?  repairs on a used car?)  This'll be much more than $3,500 pretty quickly without DH there to know what's really being spent and why/how. 

(in my own situation, ODS15 will be 16 in under 6 months.  He could have his permit by now, if he worked for it, but he hasn't.  Here (CA) he has to have on-line training before he can take the behind the wheel test and while I paid for that, he's finished 2 out of 18 (I think) chapters.  Clearly he was excited about the possibility and not the work involved in getting his permit.  I tell him he's not excited because he just loves my company so much.  ;)  When he's ready, the opportunity is there.  I've had friends (who's kids are driving) tell me I should 'push' him to get this done.  My feeling is NOPE. When he's ready, he'll push himself.  If I have to push it, it's not worth it to either of us and he won't be a responsible driver.  No way am I contributing to the already outrageous number of irresponsible drivers out on the road today!  So, here he sits, older than many of his friends who are already driving (permits anyway).    Also, here (CA), he has a curfew when he can/can't drive and he's not allowed to drive his sibling without an adult over 25yo in the front seat with him, so him having his license really won't 'help' out that much.  Sigh.) 

tcfla
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:55 PM

we were able to find a great used car for $4,000 for our daughter when she turned 16.  it was a Eclipse.  She loved it.  When she went away to college, we bought her a new car (since she would be driving long distance and got a full scholarship to college, so kinda a reward also) we gave her old car to our son when he turned 16 he drove it for a whlie, sold it to another kid at school and used the money to upgrade on his own (he had been saving money) and that car is still sporting around town.  So my point is.... maybe just buy a car for the $3500. 

luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:59 PM
1 mom liked this
This. Don't fork over a dime till bm has cash in hand for her half


Quoting baquick:

Maybe hold into the cash until bm ante's up? Then go together to get a vehicle? That's teally all I can think of ATM.

looneytunes290
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:59 PM

I'm telling ya again-- If you don 't have custody of that kid- don't put the car in your name-- Even if you give her the money, make sure that you aren't the liable party when it comes to the car, insurance, and taxes of it.  It is a pain in the arse to get it out of your name down the road and you will continue to be responsible for it as long as it is.

baquick
by Bronze Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 2:00 PM
Wow. I just saw all my typos. Ouch :-/

Quoting luckystars2012:

This. Don't fork over a dime till bm has cash in hand for her half




Quoting baquick:

Maybe hold into the cash until bm ante's up? Then go together to get a vehicle? That's teally all I can think of ATM.

Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 2:00 PM


Yes, we just have the one car now--by design. We can only have one car here and only one car overseas.  So it's really the best thing for our situation.  Besides, in the next few weeks, he'll be gone so it will just be me with one car.

As far as paying for the rest--the insurance, gas, etc--well, DH thinks that SD should work for that.  I've pointed out the job issue with BM.  I mean, she and I literally had a convo about this just a few weeks ago and she was ADAMANTLY opposed.  But he says that she has perhaps changed her mind and will allow some work.  (or not,who knows)  But the kid wishes to work.  That's not the real issue.

Quoting mom7834:

I would hold onto the $3500 and once BM ives you $3500 you then buy the car.

you would be crazy to buy the car and wait for the money!  and don't you just have the one car for you and your DH??  why can't he buy something for you so your not stuck home alone because he has the car!  and.....who is going to be paying for gas, repairs, insurance if the kid doesn't work??  Birdseed sorry but once again your dh

has his head up his ass.



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