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need to vent.....possibly OT

Posted by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:33 PM
  • 11 Replies
My youngest son turns 1 on Nov 9. His father's family (and yes, that is how I refer to them), has been very hateful to me and my kids. Both my older son and my younger son (who is biologically related to them). They are constantly trying to get "rid of us" and telling BF that he "bite off more than he could chew" and such remarks. He won't stand up to them and be man. We have some other issues too. I am leaving as soon as money will allow. I am going home to my family (about 45 mins away) and he knows it. We have discussed it and already have visitation, child support, etc worked out. I told him that I would invite his family to the baby's birthday party at my mom's house on Nov 9th. I was raised to believe that this is the right thing to do and that I need to be the bigger person. The truth is- I don't want to be the bigger person, I don't want to include them. I don't want to even invite them. Is it bad that I pray that they won't show up? I feel like just not inviting them is not an option. It would hurt BF and possibly create an even bigger rift between the baby and his family (which I am totally okay with the baby having no relationship with them). I know it's wrong. But I need encouragement. I need some reassurance that it will work out.
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:52 PM

If you are leaving your BF, why would you invite his family?  Maybe he has his own party for DS?

LightSun764
by on Oct. 16, 2013 at 11:54 PM

I think that your desire to do the right thing is admirable.  What is in the best interest of your children?  Probably to try to get along and not exclude people.  I do completely understand your hope that they will not show up.  But please keep doing the right thing.  Sometimes it's really hard to, but in the end your children will be so much better off.

happymommy1105
by Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:06 AM
i will always be nice to them. but i have an inner desire to just tell them off. i know that telling them off is not in the best interest of my child though. i need to suck it up and be an adult and get a long for the kids...
Quoting LightSun764:

I think that your desire to do the right thing is admirable.  What is in the best interest of your children?  Probably to try to get along and not exclude people.  I do completely understand your hope that they will not show up.  But please keep doing the right thing.  Sometimes it's really hard to, but in the end your children will be so much better off.

LightSun764
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:09 AM

Sometimes it's really hard to be an adult.  We all have those unspoken desires and wishes of what we wish we could say.  You sound like a very nice person, though, and I think you should be applauded for your wish to keep things amicable.


happymommy1105
by Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:11 AM

because regardless of my personal feelings, they are still my child's family and they should be included in his life.  

we still live together.  for the moment, my mom and him are the only people who know i am leaving (well besides cm). our kids don't know yet because it still several months away and we don't want to cause them stress.  

in the future he may have his own parties for the baby, or we may continue to do them together, i don't know.  seeing his parents work together- regardless of their relationship status is good for him.  my parents taught me that putting aside your personal feelings for the betterment of your children is difficult but doable and ends up with happier children.  (my parents divorced when i was 9.)  my mom has since remarried and my dad will be at the party, in my mom and stepfather's house and he is welcome there for family events.  he is still my dad and he is still my children's grandfather- regardless of my mom's feelings or his feelings and they are adult enough to set those aside for me and my children.  why shouldn't i be able to do the same for my children? it's hard and i am struggling with it but i am trying to do it.

Quoting pdxmum:

If you are leaving your BF, why would you invite his family?  Maybe he has his own party for DS?


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:22 AM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't invite them. Dh can have a party for them. You guys are already breaking up and just hanging on for monetary reasons... I personally would not spend my child's first birthday miserable with a family that is only family for a short while longer.
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happymommy1105
by Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 12:28 AM
they will my son's family forever. and like it or not- his father and i will always have to be each in other's lives to a degree in order to co parent our shared child. i'm not trying to make enemies or drive a deeper wedge. i don't want to be their best friend either. hopefully it will go smoothly or they will leave quickly? can i hope that they leave quickly if they do show up?
Quoting momof2ex1:

I wouldn't invite them. Dh can have a party for them. You guys are already breaking up and just hanging on for monetary reasons... I personally would not spend my child's first birthday miserable with a family that is only family for a short while longer.
KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 6:55 AM
Just curious...so you have 2 kids with 2 different men in the same family? Is that what you mean when you say your older son is related to them?
Erica705
by on Oct. 17, 2013 at 7:08 AM
You're allowed to feel however you feel. If someone treats you badly, it's natural not to want to see them. That being said I think you're doing the right thing. You're putting your feelings aside and doing what's in the best interest of your son. You DON'T want them to come, but you're inviting them anyway. As long as you treat them cordially and give them the opportunity to have a normal relationship with your baby, you're doing right in that respect.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 17, 2013 at 11:17 AM
Good for you!! I'm so glad to see you take the mature responsible road!! Yay!!!

It's not wrong at all lol


Quoting happymommy1105:

they will my son's family forever. and like it or not- his father and i will always have to be each in other's lives to a degree in order to co parent our shared child.

i'm not trying to make enemies or drive a deeper wedge. i don't want to be their best friend either.

hopefully it will go smoothly or they will leave quickly? can i hope that they leave quickly if they do show up?

Quoting momof2ex1:

I wouldn't invite them. Dh can have a party for them. You guys are already breaking up and just hanging on for monetary reasons... I personally would not spend my child's first birthday miserable with a family that is only family for a short while longer.

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