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She's my stepdaughter..No. She's your daughter.

Posted by on Oct. 22, 2013 at 7:19 PM
  • 142 Replies
3 moms liked this

So I stopped at a local grocery store to buy some fried chicken because I'm sick, it sounded good and I didn't feel like cooking. While the lady was fixing my bag of chicken she started making small talk. 

She said, "your girls are so pretty." I said, "Thank you," and smiled. She said "I gotta say though, your older one looks nothing like you." I laughed a little and said "well, that's because she's actually my stepdaughter." 

She shot a quick glance at SD and then looked back to me. She said, "No honey, she's your daughter."

SD was bored with this grown up small talk and the cakes caught her attention. As soon as SD's attention was diverted the woman lowered her voice a little and said "I just didn't want her to hear you say something like that. She'll think you don't love her. Stepmoms are moms too."

Oh lady. I'm just trying to buy chicken. I'm not looking for an SM vs. BM debate..I can't even breathe out of one side of my nose. My voice sounds like Chuckie off of Rugrats. But I realize that's partly my fault. I should have just laughed and said "Yeah you're right..she doesn't look like me." But what I said was honestly just the most natural thing to come out of my mouth.

I told the lady that being her stepmom was something I couldn't and wouldn't change. She knows I love her without me pretending I'm her mom. 


It just caught me a little off guard. I don't usually correct strangers. It's just given her comment..it felt fine to say that. Though it's odd to comment to strangers that their apparent children don't look like them. I think this is mostly a southern thing. Everyone thinks your business is theirs and they always have a hefty helping of good hearted advice to go with what you actually asked of them.

by on Oct. 22, 2013 at 7:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
CampClan
by Bronze Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 7:23 PM

My ex husband often got the opposite comment about our kids. My oldest isn't his DS & people would say all the kids- especially the oldest- looks exactly like my ex. Ex & I would just smile & say "thank you". Sometimes, depending on who it was, we would tell the truth- it's impossible because DS isn't his son. 

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 7:48 PM
5 moms liked this
I would have asked her why she thinks a stepmom or stepdaughter can't have an important but different relationship? And told her that I love my stepdaughter very much

And smiled.....winningly ;)
amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 7:53 PM
1 mom liked this
I didn't want to talk to her any longer than I had to. So I just left it at that. Lol. I wanted my chicken and to go home. I feel awful.


Quoting chanizen:

I would have asked her why she thinks a stepmom or stepdaughter can't have an important but different relationship? And told her that I love my stepdaughter very much



And smiled.....winningly ;)

jules2boys
by Silver Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:18 PM
1 mom liked this

I think it's a southern thing too...  Probably why I'm so darned nosey all the time!  It's inbred!  ;) 

TJandKarasMom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:27 PM
2 moms liked this

lol, that's weird...to correct a stranger.  I would admit SD is not my bioDD if people say something like "wow she looks nothing like you" lol, but no one has ever said that to me.  They will say DS looks exactly like me, and I say "I know, and she looks just like my husband!" lol, it's true, and there is a reason why we each only have on that looks like us...we each only have one bio, lol.

And I don't think kids will think you don't love them if you say "that's because she's my SD"  now, if you introduced your kids and said "this is my daughter, __, and this is my STEPdaughter, ___" then she might think you don't love her as much...but if someone questions something and you explain, I don't think it makes a kid think you don't love them.

chanizen
by Platinum Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:27 PM
Sick? Or awful cause of the incident? Nor just preggers sick


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I didn't want to talk to her any longer than I had to. So I just left it at that. Lol. I wanted my chicken and to go home. I feel awful.




Quoting chanizen:

I would have asked her why she thinks a stepmom or stepdaughter can't have an important but different relationship? And told her that I love my stepdaughter very much





And smiled.....winningly ;)


amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:34 PM
2 moms liked this

haha. I thought you were telling me I was weird. Then I read it again. I'm sorry. My brain is very fuzzy today.

Yeah I didn't see the issue at all with what I said. It's the truth and it isn't negative.

Just like someone posted this on facebook the other day:

It was a picture that said: "Stepparents are the greatest. Stepparents choose to love someone else's children as their own." 

Which is debatable of course. We've seen it on here before.

But then the woman who posted it added this with it  "As I was telling my (born) child, being given three to love is a privilege, but being called to love three more as my own....Is an blessing... Its Gods way of saying, "you do such a great job with your own, I am giving you more!"

And that just rubbed me the wrong way a little. I mean, I guess it's good she sees being a stepparent in a positive light..I just don't agree with the whole "I was given stepchildren because I'm awesome." 


Quoting TJandKarasMom:

lol, that's weird...to correct a stranger.  I would admit SD is not my bioDD if people say something like "wow she looks nothing like you" lol, but no one has ever said that to me.  They will say DS looks exactly like me, and I say "I know, and she looks just like my husband!" lol, it's true, and there is a reason why we each only have on that looks like us...we each only have one bio, lol.

And I don't think kids will think you don't love them if you say "that's because she's my SD"  now, if you introduced your kids and said "this is my daughter, __, and this is my STEPdaughter, ___" then she might think you don't love her as much...but if someone questions something and you explain, I don't think it makes a kid think you don't love them.



amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:36 PM


Lol. Sorry. To clarify, I have sinus crud. I haven't been sick with this pregnancy. Some nausea, but no vomiting. The "incident" didn't really bother me..I just thought it was odd.

Quoting chanizen:

Sick? Or awful cause of the incident? Nor just preggers sick


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I didn't want to talk to her any longer than I had to. So I just left it at that. Lol. I wanted my chicken and to go home. I feel awful.




Quoting chanizen:

I would have asked her why she thinks a stepmom or stepdaughter can't have an important but different relationship? And told her that I love my stepdaughter very much





And smiled.....winningly ;)




DDDaysh
by on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:42 PM
My parents used to get comments all the time about how "all four of your kids" looked just like my Dad and nothing like my mom. This is when we were all like under 8. It used to piss my mom off royally, but it was actually hilarious because 2 of the 4 kids had ZERO DNA from my mother OR my father. As far as this lady goes, just ignore her. Strangers are stupid sometimes. Although, if you want to be really cute you could have said, "but I'm really proud that she's my step-daughter and I love being a step-mom!"
TJandKarasMom
by Bronze Member on Oct. 22, 2013 at 8:50 PM
1 mom liked this

No I totally meant the stranger was weird, lol.  I think you did what normal people would do.

What you said about facebook..that rubs me the wrong way too.  I have said like on SDs bday when I post a happy bday thing for her that I am so lucky to have my bonus baby...but I don't think God gave her to me because I'm awesome, lol.  I think we are definitely in each other's lives for a reason, but my super mom capabilities are not the reason ;) lol.  And I am just as lucky to have her as she is to have me, I think.  So maybe I got her because she's awesome and I needed some awesome in my life. lol.  I don't know.  It's always good to look at whatever situation you are in in a positive light, but I don't brag all over fb about being super mom so God gave me someone else's kid to raise...though I may brag every now and then about being super mom...I just don't really differentiate my kids in that way, they are just my kids (unless some stranger wants to know why SD looks nothing like me ;)

I think parents can be just as great as stepparents, we can all be great at anything we choose to be great at.  I don't know, that's just weird.  I am just as good of a mom as I am a stepmom, you know?


Quoting amanda_mom89:

haha. I thought you were telling me I was weird. Then I read it again. I'm sorry. My brain is very fuzzy today.

Yeah I didn't see the issue at all with what I said. It's the truth and it isn't negative.

Just like someone posted this on facebook the other day:

It was a picture that said: "Stepparents are the greatest. Stepparents choose to love someone else's children as their own." 

Which is debatable of course. We've seen it on here before.

But then the woman who posted it added this with it  "As I was telling my (born) child, being given three to love is a privilege, but being called to love three more as my own....Is an blessing... Its Gods way of saying, "you do such a great job with your own, I am giving you more!"

And that just rubbed me the wrong way a little. I mean, I guess it's good she sees being a stepparent in a positive light..I just don't agree with the whole "I was given stepchildren because I'm awesome." 


Quoting TJandKarasMom:

lol, that's weird...to correct a stranger.  I would admit SD is not my bioDD if people say something like "wow she looks nothing like you" lol, but no one has ever said that to me.  They will say DS looks exactly like me, and I say "I know, and she looks just like my husband!" lol, it's true, and there is a reason why we each only have on that looks like us...we each only have one bio, lol.

And I don't think kids will think you don't love them if you say "that's because she's my SD"  now, if you introduced your kids and said "this is my daughter, __, and this is my STEPdaughter, ___" then she might think you don't love her as much...but if someone questions something and you explain, I don't think it makes a kid think you don't love them.





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