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What is "normal"? *Edited- pic and added question*

Posted by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 5:33 PM
  • 32 Replies

What do you think a "normal" preteen/young teenager is supposed to act/behave like? I'm talking between 11 and 13 yrs old mostly. I just really need some perspective so I can understand my SD better, or at least come to terms that I will probably not "understand" her, but that's ok. There is some slight concerns that SD may have a pre-disposition for depression since BM is bipolar and SD has said herself she feels depressed a lot. Before I tell you all about SD's behavior/attitude, I'd like to here what is typical with things like relationship with friends/ family/ boys and how they interact with the world in general I guess. I know this is vague but any input would be great.

I just had a quick conversation with SD 12 and t reminded me of what really seems bizarre to me. Her self-esteem is so low and she obsesses over her looks because she thiks she is ugly, and literally this topic comes up nearly everyday. She got back from a school dance and was all bummed out because she felt her hair didn't look good and she wasn't wearing a costume because she thought none of her friends would, but they did. But then she goes on to say that she thinks she is the ugliest person in the world and that she hates herself "like the devil". I just told her what I always do when she talks about her appearnce and say something like, "your gorgeous, as always, and you should not compare yourself to others" and then just kept saying, "no, I don't think your ugly, your a very pretty girl" when she asks me for the 10th time if she is ugly. But tonight she just stomped off to her room mumbilng, "I hate parents". Anyway, i have no clue what we can do to help her, but it's worrisome for me. Here is a pic of her that I took at a wedding we went to last weekend, I think she is a beauty. 


by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 5:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
kellynh
by Kelly on Oct. 25, 2013 at 6:55 PM

Ever had PMS?

Tweens are like 75% PMS girls, with enough sweetness thrown in to tolerate it. ;) 

Percentages differ within family and ages. An 11yo might be closer to 20% PMS, and work towards that 75%. Lol!! 

In other words... Typical can be different between person to person. Being an introvert can be seen by some as depression. It's honestly a case by case thing. I hope you get the answers you need. 

OregonMom80
by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 7:08 PM

I have had two recent teen sisters.  Frequent mood swings are normal.  Them thinking you were awesome and suddenly wanting to spend 24/7 with their friends is normal.  Minor rebellious behavior is normal.  Trying to assert some independence, including some back talk, is normal.  Thinking that adults don't know anything or don't understand is normal.

Not sure what categories you're looking for, but there is a wide range, as well as some commonalities that teens go through.  Two of the girls in my family stayed studious with good grades, two turned into little hell raisers who had to be forced to do school work (or anything responsible for that matter).

Two of the girls (not the same two above) had tons of friends and were outgoing, another two were more introverted with a smaller group of close friends.

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Oct. 25, 2013 at 7:12 PM

How long is a piece of string?

crazymomma87
by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 7:14 PM
Well mine are all still young so thankfully I haven't had to deal with preteens/teenagers yet. But I'm still young enough to remember what I was like at that age. Basically I was stuck-up, thought the world revolved around me, and was completely boy crazy. But everyone is different. I can honestly say that at that age life was far from perfect or normal but I was very happy and never depressed.
rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Oct. 25, 2013 at 8:50 PM
Yeah, I know, they vary alot obviously. I guess I just want to hear that moodiness, isolating themselves in their rooms some days, extreme insecurity about appearance mixed with obsession with looks and a few others are normal things for that age group. Or maybe they are not,IDK.I get that there is going to be mood swings and stuff like that but at 12 should they be completely asserting their independence already, yet still feel entitled? That's kinda what I was looking for.


Quoting whatIknownow:

How long is a piece of string?


rocknmom85
by Silver Member on Oct. 25, 2013 at 8:55 PM
Thank you, the pms thing seems to right on target. The thing that concerns me most about her is probably her laziness and lack of motivation or concern for anything but her appearance. She does have her good moments when she shows sympathy for others, but typically it's all about her.


Quoting kellynh:

Ever had PMS?

Tweens are like 75% PMS girls, with enough sweetness thrown in to tolerate it. ;) 

Percentages differ within family and ages. An 11yo might be closer to 20% PMS, and work towards that 75%. Lol!! 

In other words... Typical can be different between person to person. Being an introvert can be seen by some as depression. It's honestly a case by case thing. I hope you get the answers you need. 


kellynh
by Kelly on Oct. 25, 2013 at 9:43 PM

Well, there is part where that is age. Kids can be very selfish, their wants and needs come first. It's also a personality thing. My 13yo does this (bio) and it drives me crazy that no matter what I have tried to teach her, she is always... "Me". 

Of course, there is finding the "right motivation" too. Offer her $5 to clean my car, and the thing is shined, vaccumed ect. 

My 21yo did it to a lesser extent. She grew out of it once she had more responsibility (job, paid for her own cell...ect) so I have high hopes for my 13yo. 

Quoting rocknmom85:

Thank you, the pms thing seems to right on target. The thing that concerns me most about her is probably her laziness and lack of motivation or concern for anything but her appearance. She does have her good moments when she shows sympathy for others, but typically it's all about her.


Quoting kellynh:

Ever had PMS?

Tweens are like 75% PMS girls, with enough sweetness thrown in to tolerate it. ;) 

Percentages differ within family and ages. An 11yo might be closer to 20% PMS, and work towards that 75%. Lol!! 

In other words... Typical can be different between person to person. Being an introvert can be seen by some as depression. It's honestly a case by case thing. I hope you get the answers you need. 



OregonMom80
by on Oct. 25, 2013 at 10:36 PM

Sounds pretty normal for that age to me


Quoting rocknmom85:

Yeah, I know, they vary alot obviously. I guess I just want to hear that moodiness, isolating themselves in their rooms some days, extreme insecurity about appearance mixed with obsession with looks and a few others are normal things for that age group. Or maybe they are not,IDK.I get that there is going to be mood swings and stuff like that but at 12 should they be completely asserting their independence already, yet still feel entitled? That's kinda what I was looking for.


Quoting whatIknownow:

How long is a piece of string?




momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 25, 2013 at 11:59 PM
I just had this convo with my friend. Both moms of 12 year olds.

It's up and down. Mostly up for us. My dd has two personalities. And that's ok. She has one in public and one at home. In public she is quiet and sweet and polite, respectful, helpful. At home she can be all of those things but mostly she acts like a boy. She makes noises and faces and jumps around, plays video games and Legos, is sassy and bossy, slams her door when she is frustrated, back to the boy thing - her bathroom gets nasty during her period ugh - she can be down on herself - she doesn't think she is pretty enough, then she thinks she is gorgeous, she's too fat, she's just right, she wants her hair long she wants it short, she doesn't have any friends she has a lot of friends ... It's up and down back and forth. I never know until she opens her mouth what she is thinking or what mood she is in. For the most part she is a great kid that needs a smack on occasion.
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OregonMom80
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:01 AM
1 mom liked this

She's very pretty OP

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