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S/O quote...

Posted by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:11 PM
  • 19 Replies

"Sms are important and fill an important role"... 

How important can the role be,  being a SP be, overall, if not all kids have one and even those kids in intact families are without one and doing fine?

Now, I'm not saying SP's can't be important, but the role - how important is that role really assuming parents are involved and active, especially when there are plenty of kids without one.

Do not assume I'm against all SPs because of this question either -my kids have one and he's great.  I know plenty of great SPs.  

I'm just asking for an explanation as to HOW it is an important role to be filled when many do not have SPs.

by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:16 PM
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I think a SP can be an important "person." The role itself is not important. That is evidenced by crappy stepparents and single parents whose children turn out just fine.

But I remember a couple of my teachers and how important they were because of certain things they taught me or made me realize. Not all teachers were important.. Some barely did their job.

I hope I typed that out clearly.
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miapia1020
by Bronze Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:17 PM
I don't know the context of the quote, but I would say maybe a sp can be viewed like a close family friend or aunt/uncle. Not every child may have one, and not every child may be close to their sp, but for those who are, it can be an important role. I know my sd loves me, confides in me about things she may not be comfortable talking about with bm or dh.
SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:24 PM

I think whatever the 'role' is, it can be filled by lots of people. So where a SP fills it in some situations, an aunt/uncle, family friend, grandparent, etc. could also fill it in other situations. IMO, most parents don't do every single thing for their kids themselves. At some point, someone helps out somewhere.  

kristinbugg
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:39 PM
This!


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I think a SP can be an important "person." The role itself is not important. That is evidenced by crappy stepparents and single parents whose children turn out just fine.

But I remember a couple of my teachers and how important they were because of certain things they taught me or made me realize. Not all teachers were important.. Some barely did their job.

I hope I typed that out clearly.

kellynh
by Kelly on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:41 PM

I think the wording is off.

I think SMs "can" be important and fill an important role. I think the role would only be important and come into play depending on where the BM is in the situation. 

That would depend on so many factors and situations. Death, abandonment, OW, divorce, one night stand...ect. I don't think this can just be answered one way. 

Heck I don't even think "role" would be the best word to use. 

I can honestly say I have no important role in my skids life, unless they view me as my important role in being their brothers mom. I think I have potential to "be important" to them, but that would be years away when they would value what I bring into their life as simply a person who cares about them. 

I guess I don't know how to answer this one way. 

chanizen
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:47 PM
2 moms liked this
A sp is important in that they are a presence in the child's life. That can be good or bad, really.

But, for example, if sp and bp own a home, the child visiting means they are also within the SP's legal residence. For instance: if dh takes visitation elsewhere because of my objection, I have played a role. If ss visitation occurs in my home, and he steals my stuff I have certain rights.

Or, I can have a role where I redirect it praise my ss.

Just an example.
KLBrown
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Just like aunts & uncles & grandparents & siblings can also be important in a kid's life, but they're certainly not necessary.

It's more about the actual person & the role they play, than the title or position that person holds


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I think a SP can be an important "person." The role itself is not important. That is evidenced by crappy stepparents and single parents whose children turn out just fine.

But I remember a couple of my teachers and how important they were because of certain things they taught me or made me realize. Not all teachers were important.. Some barely did their job.

I hope I typed that out clearly.

packermom4ever
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:58 PM



Quoting amanda_mom89:

I think a SP can be an important "person." The role itself is not important. That is evidenced by crappy stepparents and single parents whose children turn out just fine.

But I remember a couple of my teachers and how important they were because of certain things they taught me or made me realize. Not all teachers were important.. Some barely did their job.

I hope I typed that out clearly.


This is how I see it.  The individual in the role can be important.  

amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 12:58 PM


Yep. My parents divorced when I was 17 and each remarried the same year that I got married. 2010. I love my stepdad to pieces. I call him Pops and he is so awesome to my brother and I and my mom. I also have 3 step-siblings that I get along with. We aren't super close but we enjoy each others company at family stuff.

My dad and his wife already divorced. I got to where I was polite to her but I didn't have any respect for her and did not consider her a stepparent. She was just shy of 7 years older than me and was the OW my dad left my mom for. She was 24 when my parents separated and he immediately moved 3 hours away to be with her. Don't get me wrong, I lay most of the blame with my dad. But she pulled some really bitchy stunts (like hand addressing one of their wedding invitations to my mom then saying it was an accident) How do you accidently write my mom's name and address on an invitation?

Quoting KLBrown:

Just like aunts & uncles & grandparents & siblings can also be important in a kid's life, but they're certainly not necessary.

It's more about the actual person & the role they play, than the title or position that person holds


Quoting amanda_mom89:

I think a SP can be an important "person." The role itself is not important. That is evidenced by crappy stepparents and single parents whose children turn out just fine.

But I remember a couple of my teachers and how important they were because of certain things they taught me or made me realize. Not all teachers were important.. Some barely did their job.

I hope I typed that out clearly.



UThinkUKnowMe
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 2:11 PM
Grandparents have important roles. Not every child has one as some are born after all grandparents have passed.
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