Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Is it possible without both bp support?

Posted by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 6:31 PM
  • 41 Replies
1 mom liked this
Is it possible to be a successful sp without BOTH bp support. When I say successful I mean like that of a fun aunt or another positive adult in the child's life? My advice to those who are thinking of marrying someone with kids is to only get married if both the kids parents support the remarriage. I really don't think If I had things to do over again I would remarry someone with kids if the kids other parent wasn't supportive of my presence in their lives. And they would have to show it. By actively involving me on some level. Bm would have never said that she didn't want her kids to have a sm- but- at every turn there were problems and drama.
So what do you guys think? My husband is a VERY successful sp- but he has had both bo support. I have had terrible success as a sp but-- I really have never had much support in my role either. Anyway- any thoughts?
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 6:31 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 7:09 PM
I think my husband is a 'successful' stepdad. Of course we haven't made it to the finish line yet. He doesn't have support but he isn't being tripped at every turn. My ex's wife is sucking in her stepparent journey and while I don't know that I would use the word support I do not interfere. She only has her own hurdles to get through. She will not certain of it, be a success story. I am betting she doesn't make it year 10. Their lives are such turmoil and upset constantly, I don't know how anyone lives and survives in that kind of environment. And none of it has to do with my actions. I can't say it doesn't have to do with me because I can't control her obsessions. I can only control my actions. I stay clear and out of her way.

My stepdad was successful. He did not have my fathers support.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 7:21 PM

I think that the support of both parents isn't neccessary.  I think SP/BP have to learn boundaries.  All my issues with SM have been boundary issues.  Serious boundary issues. I was extremely happy when I found out BF was dating her.  I encouraged it.  Honestly I did.  I knew her from school.  But what happened after she moved in with BF was nuts and has steadily gotten worse.  

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 7:21 PM
2 moms liked this

BM was supporitve of me being a SM.  Now? I'm the devil and the root of all evil and her problems.

I don't think it matters one way or another.  

looneytunes290
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 7:39 PM
Thanks for your responses- in my situation it was very clear cut in both sides. My ex supported my dh. We have a successfully blended situation. My dh ex was not generally supportive- she was indifferent on the best day. Now- I understand that it was her prerogative to be that way- it just made it really difficult for her kids and my dh. They still struggle. They were divorced for 9 yrs before we married and it was really the first time that bm didn't call all the shots . Decisions were made hat were out I her control. It was the beginning of the end.
looneytunes290
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 7:41 PM
Just out if curiosity how is she sucking? What could she do differently?

Quoting momof2ex1:

I think my husband is a 'successful' stepdad. Of course we haven't made it to the finish line yet. He doesn't have support but he isn't being tripped at every turn. My ex's wife is sucking in her stepparent journey and while I don't know that I would use the word support I do not interfere. She only has her own hurdles to get through. She will not certain of it, be a success story. I am betting she doesn't make it year 10. Their lives are such turmoil and upset constantly, I don't know how anyone lives and survives in that kind of environment. And none of it has to do with my actions. I can't say it doesn't have to do with me because I can't control her obsessions. I can only control my actions. I stay clear and out of her way.



My stepdad was successful. He did not have my fathers support.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:40 PM
I don't know. You would probably have to ask my daughter. Lol it started with the physical abuse that landed her in jail. Sure some years have passed and therapy has utilized but the memories are still there. Then the exclusion. This one is hard for me to describe in a post but very clear exclusion from the family. Still expected to visit the home but has no personal space, no clothes, her bag isn't allowed in from the garage, selling all of her things in a garage sale. Then there was a turn of events where now she is trying to include and change the past but unfortunately a lot of damage has been done.


Quoting looneytunes290:

Just out if curiosity how is she sucking? What could she do differently?



Quoting momof2ex1:

I think my husband is a 'successful' stepdad. Of course we haven't made it to the finish line yet. He doesn't have support but he isn't being tripped at every turn. My ex's wife is sucking in her stepparent journey and while I don't know that I would use the word support I do not interfere. She only has her own hurdles to get through. She will not certain of it, be a success story. I am betting she doesn't make it year 10. Their lives are such turmoil and upset constantly, I don't know how anyone lives and survives in that kind of environment. And none of it has to do with my actions. I can't say it doesn't have to do with me because I can't control her obsessions. I can only control my actions. I stay clear and out of her way.





My stepdad was successful. He did not have my fathers support.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 8:46 PM

I have a successful marriage without BM's support, I am not married to BM, so I don't need her support. I think the bioparents' cooperation is needed for their mutual child/ren's benefit, not SM's.

looneytunes290
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 9:01 PM
It would be impossible for me to be supportive to someone who had been in jail for abusing children too - Geesh! That's crazy! I wouldn't expect a sm with kind of history to be successful either.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I don't know. You would probably have to ask my daughter. Lol it started with the physical abuse that landed her in jail. Sure some years have passed and therapy has utilized but the memories are still there. Then the exclusion. This one is hard for me to describe in a post but very clear exclusion from the family. Still expected to visit the home but has no personal space, no clothes, her bag isn't allowed in from the garage, selling all of her things in a garage sale. Then there was a turn of events where now she is trying to include and change the past but unfortunately a lot of damage has been done.




Quoting looneytunes290:

Just out if curiosity how is she sucking? What could she do differently?





Quoting momof2ex1:

I think my husband is a 'successful' stepdad. Of course we haven't made it to the finish line yet. He doesn't have support but he isn't being tripped at every turn. My ex's wife is sucking in her stepparent journey and while I don't know that I would use the word support I do not interfere. She only has her own hurdles to get through. She will not certain of it, be a success story. I am betting she doesn't make it year 10. Their lives are such turmoil and upset constantly, I don't know how anyone lives and survives in that kind of environment. And none of it has to do with my actions. I can't say it doesn't have to do with me because I can't control her obsessions. I can only control my actions. I stay clear and out of her way.







My stepdad was successful. He did not have my fathers support.

looneytunes290
by on Oct. 26, 2013 at 9:05 PM
I should have clarified- I too think a sp can have a successful marriage without the support of the other parent of the skids. I feel liken have a successful marriage - but I don't have a successful relationship with my skids. So I get what you are saying.

Quoting leegirl_jm:

I have a successful marriage without BM's support, I am not married to BM, so I don't need her support. I think the bioparents' cooperation is needed for their mutual child/ren's benefit, not SM's.

Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Oct. 26, 2013 at 9:44 PM
1 mom liked this

Well, BM wasn't supportive at first and we were fine.  She is now and it's better.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN