Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

What is YOUR specific role as a SM?

Posted by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:10 PM
  • 51 Replies

I'm interested in finding out where you all "fit in" to your role.  Do you discipline, talk with teachers, take sk's to Dr./dentist visits, help with homework, etc.?  Where do you draw the line?  Does DH support your role or do you feel hung out to dry way too often? 

 

by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:10 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Derdriu
by Gold Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:32 PM
3 moms liked this

I don't have a specific role as SM.  DH and I operate like a two-parent household, so I wear whatever hat is needed by whichever kid at any specific time.  The beauty of being "just a SM" though is being able to stop and punt when I feel like DH is a maybe a little too comfortable that I have it handled. 

The only lines in the sand for me pertain to BM.  DH does the communicating with her, so I have a nice buffer zone in him.  It's all of us being in the same place or the expectation that she and I should handle stuff together when he's traveling that I'm not so enthusiastic about.  When she decides to step in, I reserve the right to step out.  Neither of us have any real expectations for her, but DH is so used to her crap that he prefers I remain part of the show.  I'm way past giving a flying rat's ass about what she does, how she does it, whom she talks to, what lies she tells, or in any way absorbing her performance (or lack thereof) as a reflection on myself.  She's my opportunity to take a break.

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:36 PM

 im just SO's support and im totally cool with that. i dont want to go to school meetings, doc appts or do homework. their parents can do that.

i dont feel hung out to dry because i dont want to do those things, he is capable of taking care of it.

Pero3
by Silver Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:36 PM
9 moms liked this

My role is to ensure there is enough chardonnay in the house when SD visits! I draw the line at 2 3 bottles per visit!

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I am a SM only because DH has a child that is outside our marriage, so my role is that of wife and mother to our two children, and that is my focus, DH has to balance his obligations to SS outside of our marriage and family, of course, we discuss matters concerning that child but only DH acts.

babie113
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:37 PM
non anymore my skids are both adults now
Pero3
by Silver Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:38 PM

What, you don't even have to buy chardonnay? 


Quoting babie113:

non anymore my skids are both adults now


 

babie113
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:40 PM
no I do occasionally send sd money for her college fees if shes not made enough to cover it .but thats it

Quoting Pero3:

What, you don't even have to buy chardonnay? 




Quoting babie113:

non anymore my skids are both adults now



 

som610
by Bronze Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:41 PM

SD lives 950 miles from us. We have her 18% of the time. So I don't have much to do with anything at the time.

When we all lived in the same place I was a little more involved. I went to meet the teacher with BM because it was during the day and DH was at work. I took her to school on our days to have her. BM took care of all the doctor and dentist appointments so I didn't have to do that. I always helped with homework at our house. DH worked long hours and so I made it so he could spend as much possible enjoying his daughter as possible.

This past summer SD was with us and had a medical issue and needed to be taken to the doctor. I made her an appointment with my kids pedi and took her to the appointment. Then went to the pharmacy and got the prescription for her as well. My DH could have taken her but he was working and it was easier for me to do it. I would do anything for her that I would do for my own children in day to day life.

DH and I have went through time when he didn't back me up in the discipline role but it was resolved quickly and he supports me now and in every aspect of my role. I definitely discipline her if need be and her daddy is not home.

Jscott1216
by Member on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:45 PM
2 moms liked this
I am whatever I need to be. I have no kids of my own. However when the kids are here we operate as a two parent household just as BM does with her bf. the difference is we are married and she just has a live in boyfriend. I feed them, make sure they get dressed and are clean and teeth are brushed etc.. I do discipline. My husband supports me and bm's don't seem to have an issue with the role I play. As long as it works for our family that's all that matters. Anybody else's thoughts outside our family are null and void
SP_Mama
by on Oct. 29, 2013 at 5:47 PM

I wake him up in the morning, get him ready for school, take him to school, pick him up from school, discipline, talk with teachers, take him to doctor's/dentists if DH isn't able to get off work, help with homework, have him take his bath, and enforce rules.  DH and I together do the evening/night routine.  I'm a CSM and a SAHM.  I do for SS what I do for DS.  I do, however, prefer DH do PTC and appts. if at all possible. 

Yes, DH supports me and I've very thankful for that.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured