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Bm don't help with the kids.

Posted by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:14 AM
  • 38 Replies
I have 2 steps kids that lives with me and my husband and I have a child of my own. DH BM is not required to do anything for the kids and when is asked says she can't. Bm gets wel fare and housing for her and the kids eventhou dh currently has full custody. She pays no child support and since she gets ssi the state wont make her. My bf payschild support and is a active role in my sons like. This is putting a strian on dh and I marriage because I feel she can do more to help.
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:25 AM
5 moms liked this
Lower your expectations and you will not be disappointed. You can't make a parent be a parent. You can only control yourself and how you react.

Do you feel overwhelmed because you are left to do the things you feel she should be doing? If so, your husband should be carrying more of the burden of raising his children so that you aren't feeling so overwhelmed. Many of us parents, moms and dads, feel the frustration of our co-parent not 'carrying their weight'. But we have to get to a point where we accept who they are and expect nothing from them. You just can't make a parent be a parent. No matter how frustrating it is.
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faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:29 AM
4 moms liked this
Report her ass for fraud.
tysheka
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:38 AM
Yes sometimes its over whelming but more frustrating then anything, we financially in a hardship and sometimes stretch so then with the kids school and activities. She recieves the benefits of begin a mom without any of the responsibility. She spends time with them on holidays and every other weekend.
heathercm26
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:39 AM
Step back. Duh can step up.
tysheka
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:40 AM
My husband says God will punish her, thats not our job.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:42 AM
1 mom liked this
I understand. But there still isn't anything you can do about it. She isn't ordered to pay CS... Not much you can do about that. You could report her for fraud but ... I've heard the system is backed up. It does suck though I understand.


Quoting tysheka:

Yes sometimes its over whelming but more frustrating then anything, we financially in a hardship and sometimes stretch so then with the kids school and activities. She recieves the benefits of begin a mom without any of the responsibility. She spends time with them on holidays and every other weekend.

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tysheka
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:45 AM
I tried stepping back but I feel so guilty in doing so, all the kids are close to age including my son and its very difficult in doing for one and not all. Normally when my son gets support from his dad I buy him shoes I buy them all shoes. That's also go for clothes, toys, vaca etc.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 12:52 AM
2 moms liked this

SD's BM doesn't do anything. She's MONTHS behind in CS, and only pays when CSE threatens to suspend her license. She's ordered to pay a VERY small amount that doesn't even come CLOSE to covering any portion of SD's actual needs.

SD has special needs and BM doesn't even follow through with therapy and medical care in her home. There's nothing anyone can do to MAKE her be a decent parent, so you gotta just let it go. Don't let her get to you. Take away that power.

I can sit around focusing on how BM doesn't do this or that, and get mad at my husband for not fighting with her about it, which then causes US to fight. Or, I can say, her choices are her own. She's the one that's going to have to answer to her daughter someday.  

tysheka
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 1:02 AM
I understand and have been fighting within myself trying to let it go. I say the serenity prayer everytime I get upset. I guess prayer and time will help with this issue. I know I can't control this situation but I soo wish I could. Thanx everyone for your advice.
Sadie.Rose
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 2:22 AM
1 mom liked this
You can't force her. My sons' BM sees them maybe once a month. She has yet to pay child support of any sort and when she does see them its because DH takes them to her (2.5 hours away). It would be nice to have some extra funds to buy them shoes or clothes. It would be nice to have a weekend without the kids, not only for us but for them. It's been nearly 2 months since she's seen them this time and they are feeling it. They miss their mother and they need her. There are a lot of things I wish she would do, but all I can do is be the best that I can. Who she is or what she does has no bearing on my behavior. If you don't expect her to do anything, then it is a pleasant surprise when she does. Hope that helps. :)
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