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16 year old SS I don't care/Sarcastic/Whatever/Ungreatful/Disrespectful "TUDE".HELP

Posted by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 3:33 PM
  • 16 Replies
1 mom liked this

Back story: SS and SD came to live with us due to mom messing up. They have been with us little over a year. Things were fine at first and then it seemed SS started turning mean with age. He expected things then got a job and uses that as an excuse for everything of not having to do chores and he piles of things on his plate and then doesn't do them till the last minute. He is 16 now and feels he is owed the world for he doesn't have to do anything to earn it.

He has been being disrespectful lately, telling his dad to shut it, telling me that everything in his world is how it should be and thats how he wants it.

Don't know whats going on with him. So do we proposition him by seeing what is wrong with him and if nothing then possibly give him the option to go back and live with his mom if he wants to continue being disrespectful, or do we not give him that option? I hear giving ultimatums are bad, but do we continue to listen to his disrespect. He has made it clear that since his mom and dad are not together, that basically he is apart of no family. He distances himself from us (father and SM) and I dont think its just us. His sister says he does it at his moms with her bf. He feels he dont us explanations or anything. Is this a 16 yr. old boy thing?? He has went to counseling before and they released him cause he would not talk. We know he has a lot of supressed emotions..No way to get him to vent, have tried all angles! Anyone?

by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 3:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 3:37 PM
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He goes to school. He has a job. He is 16. I would cut him some slack. You sound like you might be expecting adult like traits. He can't he is not wired for it yet. Unfortunately they are wired sor sass talk though. PATIENCE....LOVE....UNEMOTIONAL DISCIPLINE.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 3:46 PM

So when he piles things on his plate until the last minute, does he actually get them done?  I would count that a win if he does.  Time management tends to improve with maturity.

Re: Being part of no family - Was the counselor you chose from a divorced family?  If I were you, I'd look for a counselor or literature that validate that feeling.  His perception may not be correct, but it could be very normal.  Sometimes, the key to unlocking emotion and appropriate dealing with it starts with the very simple acknowledgement that those feelings are normal and shared by many others in similar circumstance.  If he is convinced no one could understand, he ain't gonna talk.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 3:47 PM
1 mom liked this

Let  his father handle the disrespect. If he's not up to being a custodial parent and doesn't know how to handle raising a teenager, then maybe SS would be better off living with his mom.

As for you, I would try to stay out of all that as much as possible, focus on his good points, and work on building and strengthening your relationship with him. Be his advocate. He needs that.

DDDaysh
by on Oct. 31, 2013 at 3:59 PM
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What's wrong with him?  ----  Primarily he's just 16.  This kind of attitude is very normal with 16-year-olds.  Your husband will have to figure out how to curb it and parent through it.  

On top of that, yes, it sounds like he has alot of emotional baggage hanging around.  It sounds like he doesn't feel very wanted anywhere.  Granted, the fact that he's being a 16-year-old ass probably makes it to where he isn't really wanted for company very often, but he's not going to really internalize the fact that he's being an ass, so that just makes his rejection feelings worse.  

In no way, shape, or form should where he lived be tied to his behavior.  That's a disaster in the making for a child who is already admitting he feels abandoned.  

Lot's of 16-year-old kids are assholes.  It comes with the age.  Lowering your expectations might help.  Also, if SS won't go to counseling, then Dad going to counseling or parenting classes to get advice on how to cope with SS's behavior might be useful.  

faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 4:04 PM
2 moms liked this
Sounds pretty normal for a teenager.
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 4:05 PM
1 mom liked this
Time management may never come! I'm 38 and suck at it! Lol

Quoting Derdriu:

So when he piles things on his plate until the last minute, does he actually get them done?  I would count that a win if he does.  Time management tends to improve with maturity.


Re: Being part of no family - Was the counselor you chose from a divorced family?  If I were you, I'd look for a counselor or literature that validate that feeling.  His perception may not be correct, but it could be very normal.  Sometimes, the key to unlocking emotion and appropriate dealing with it starts with the very simple acknowledgement that those feelings are normal and shared by many others in similar circumstance.  If he is convinced no one could understand, he ain't gonna talk.

mistyann00
by Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 4:06 PM
I understand everything you all are saying and make valid points. Father has tried having discussions with him, I never get involved cause that would only make it worse. The option which was mentioned above would be his father going to counseling to learn to cope with the behavior. I get on here to ask to see if anyone else has had these behaviors with their kiddos before cause it may help to see different perspectives.His Father is all about his kiddos but if he is getting shut out, what avenues have been taken in order to curb the behavior?
BrandiGra
by Bronze Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 4:07 PM
1 mom liked this

 Sounds like a typical 16-17 year old. My SS is the same way.

At times I want to choke the fuck out of him and then 5 minutes later want to beat the little girls ass that is breaking his heart.

momof2cuteboys
by Silver Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 4:22 PM
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Okay so here is my story as a kid.  I had a job at 16.  I was living with my mom and SF.  I would get out of  school and do homework in an empty dining room until my shift at the local pizza place.  Then I would work for 4 hours.  There were times my mom and I wouldn't see each other but a few hours on the weekend.  I had a shit ton on my plate.  My room was a mess, I didn't do laundry or dishes like I was expected to do.  One night I got home early at 9:30pm and my mom told me before I did anything go do the dishes.  I said," Sure I've done everyone else's in the county I better not forget to do yours too."  My mom looked at me and still made me do the dishes but after that she never asked me again.

Based on what you are telling us you just need to cut him some slack.

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Oct. 31, 2013 at 4:25 PM
1 mom liked this
My ss15 can be the same way. Sometimes he's very pleasant to be around b/c over all he's a good kid w/a sense of humor and then there are times he wants to make everyone around him misersble. Now I wouldn't tolerate disrespect but maybe give him some space if he's in a mood. It could be a lot worse.
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