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help me

Posted by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 11:41 PM
  • 15 Replies
Sd has autism. She typically doesn't have behaviors at school but she has to go off her meds until after the sleep study. Today she had a big problem not wanting to do work. She shoved a desk at her teacher today. She acts like this at home and shows minior behaviors at school. She's seeing a therapist and I'm making an appt for her to see a new psych on Friday. When dh can go because of this issue. Dh and I are just up in arms. We told bm what happened and she just bitched that sds not on meds and said the whole thing is unfair to sd. I get that its gard on sd but she's high functioning enough to know she did wrong and understand punishment. I told bm she's welcome to attend anything that pertains to sd she said that she can't cuz she's broke and depending on her man. She doesn't work and doesn't doanything but depend on him and bitch. She actually told dh yesterday that her not being able to find her copy of the divorce paperwork for her fs was his problem. LolI love my sd I love having her live with us and I don't mind being the one dealing with her special needs appts but I sometimes feel like bm gives everyone else all the problems and tells everyone else to deal with them like she isn't a grown woman.
by on Nov. 1, 2013 at 11:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Nov. 1, 2013 at 11:44 PM
Sorry I'm just venting. The whole sd acting out I know how to handle but I'm having a hard time understanding why I feel like I'm taking care of another adults responsiblities and being harped on because I'm not doing and what she thinks is right mostly because she forgets half the shit dh and I tell her.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 12:39 AM
1 mom liked this

Honestly, I know how frustrating it is, but I would just ignore BM's stupidity.

I can't speak for sure about your SD, as I've never met her, but having two special needs kiddos myself, one on the spectrum and one thought to be on the spectrum I can tell you that while they may know right from wrong, IN the moment they can't always control themselves. DD shows remorse after the fact and is truly sorry for her actions. But, when she's IN the moment she truly has ZERO control over her actions, ESPECIALLY off her medications. We've had to change her meds to two long lasting pills a day to keep her medicated for a longer period of time each day. 

mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 12:50 AM
I agree and I wish I could get the school to understand that but I still think that she needs to be published for her actions at school. All kids can be taught some kind of self control.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Honestly, I know how frustrating it is, but I would just ignore BM's stupidity.

I can't speak for sure about your SD, as I've never met her, but having two special needs kiddos myself, one on the spectrum and one thought to be on the spectrum I can tell you that while they may know right from wrong, IN the moment they can't always control themselves. DD shows remorse after the fact and is truly sorry for her actions. But, when she's IN the moment she truly has ZERO control over her actions, ESPECIALLY off her medications. We've had to change her meds to two long lasting pills a day to keep her medicated for a longer period of time each day. 


Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 1:35 AM

Oh I agree. Having ASD or another disorder isn't an excuse to behave however they'd like.

BUT, the adults need to be able to catch things BEFORE th escalate. And, the child needs to be taught to control themselves. It's something that has taken YEARS of therapy (behavior therapy and occupational therapy) for DD, and she STILL can't control herself all of the time (even ON medication). Granted, she's only 6, she'll be 7 next month. But, compared to what's developmentally appropriate for a kid her age, she's definitely behind the learning curve there.

So, we have to think about what expectations are age appropriate for our special needs kiddos, and then factor in that they can't always control themselves. And, in the moment you can't punish them and expect it to make any sense, and if you wait to long they don't always understand the correlation between the punishment and the "bad" behavior. 

Have you tried social stories? Or cartooning out the acceptable behavior versus unacceptable behavior? These are things that really work with ASD kiddos. They need to SEE and understand WHY the unacceptable behavior is "bad" and why the acceptable behavior is "good".  And they have to be taught self control/calming techniques. I'm CONSTANTLY having to explain rules to DD, if they don't make sense to her, she feels as if they are optional.

Quoting mamaBerg85:

I agree and I wish I could get the school to understand that but I still think that she needs to be published for her actions at school. All kids can be taught some kind of self control.


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Honestly, I know how frustrating it is, but I would just ignore BM's stupidity.

I can't speak for sure about your SD, as I've never met her, but having two special needs kiddos myself, one on the spectrum and one thought to be on the spectrum I can tell you that while they may know right from wrong, IN the moment they can't always control themselves. DD shows remorse after the fact and is truly sorry for her actions. But, when she's IN the moment she truly has ZERO control over her actions, ESPECIALLY off her medications. We've had to change her meds to two long lasting pills a day to keep her medicated for a longer period of time each day. 




kellynh
by Kelly on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:43 AM

That sucks!! When is her sleep study? I had to do one with dd5 at 36 weeks pg!! Fun, fun, fun!! She was finially diagnosed in June and just did her IEP at school last week. (NC took almost the full 90 days they are allowed) 


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:55 AM

what meds is she on? for what condition? there are no meds for autism.

kellynh
by Kelly on Nov. 2, 2013 at 8:03 AM

Meds are used to treat the high level of irritability exhibited in autism spectrum children, used in conjunction with behavior therepy. If they get " in the zone" so to say... They can't stay on task. For some... Somethng as simple as water running from a faucet can freak them out, yet a child screaming right next to them, wont phase them at all.  My dd is not medicated.


Quoting whatIknownow:

what meds is she on? for what condition? there are no meds for autism.


whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 8:11 AM
1 mom liked this


ok, but if the meds control that behavior, then this statement "high functioning enough to know she did wrong and understand punishment" isn't true. If she needs the meds to stay out of the zone, then BM is right, it *is* unfair to SD to be punished for behavior that results from being off her meds.

Quoting kellynh:

Meds are used to treat the high level of irritability exhibited in autism spectrum children, used in conjunction with behavior therepy. If they get " in the zone" so to say... They can't stay on task. For some... Somethng as simple as water running from a faucet can freak them out, yet a child screaming right next to them, wont phase them at all.  My dd is not medicated.


Quoting whatIknownow:

what meds is she on? for what condition? there are no meds for autism.




kellynh
by Kelly on Nov. 2, 2013 at 8:25 AM

I see where you are going. I can only relate with my own dd, it's a case by case thing with her. On one hand she understands and sometimes doesn't. So, sd may have understood this. It can also be the abrupt stoping of meds, and that s going to ave a huge impact. Doing the neurologicals  suck, stopping meds for it is awful for everyone. (Nephew went through it)

The hope of using the meds with the therepy, is that one day they can have the understanding and ability to control the behaviors unmedicated. Thing is, you can't just let things slide and have zero accountability for actions. Disabilities don't mean a free pass for behavior. You just have to adjust the punishment to fit the crime, so to speak. Maybe it was a trip to the principals office to calm down, whereas if she was on her meds she would have lost recess for 2 days. 

Quoting whatIknownow:


ok, but if the meds control that behavior, then this statement "high functioning enough to know she did wrong and understand punishment" isn't true. If she needs the meds to stay out of the zone, then BM is right, it *is* unfair to SD to be punished for behavior that results from being off her meds.

Quoting kellynh:

Meds are used to treat the high level of irritability exhibited in autism spectrum children, used in conjunction with behavior therepy. If they get " in the zone" so to say... They can't stay on task. For some... Somethng as simple as water running from a faucet can freak them out, yet a child screaming right next to them, wont phase them at all.  My dd is not medicated.


Quoting whatIknownow:

what meds is she on? for what condition? there are no meds for autism.





mamaBerg85
by Silver Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 8:52 AM
Meds help but they don't cure kids. They are not going to stop all behaviors.


Quoting whatIknownow:


ok, but if the meds control that behavior, then this statement "high functioning enough to know she did wrong and understand punishment" isn't true. If she needs the meds to stay out of the zone, then BM is right, it *is* unfair to SD to be punished for behavior that results from being off her meds.


Quoting kellynh:

Meds are used to treat the high level of irritability exhibited in autism spectrum children, used in conjunction with behavior therepy. If they get " in the zone" so to say... They can't stay on task. For some... Somethng as simple as water running from a faucet can freak them out, yet a child screaming right next to them, wont phase them at all.  My dd is not medicated.


Quoting whatIknownow:

what meds is she on? for what condition? there are no meds for autism.






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