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What do you think?

Posted by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:32 PM
  • 29 Replies

I'm in an ADHD support group due to DD having ADHD. A mother came in and posted this question:

Anyone have experience with an ex spouse in which you have joint custody not agree with medicating? How did you handle if your custody agreement calls for joint decisions about medical?

Extra info: Custody is 50/50, dad strongly disagrees with medication at this point and wants to seek alternative treatements (therapies, diet changes, structure, etc). Dad is a teacher and has in the past worked with ADHD kids. Dad has been to every single appointment with mom and the child, and has discussed medication with the doctors and still disagrees at this point. Mom wants to just do mediation on her weeks regardless of what dad thinks and assumes she'll just get a small fine for being in contempt of court.


I warned her that she is potentially risking losing custody by just giving her kid medication on her week. I told her that she should at the very least consult an attorney; but should also seek out mediation services and potentially she may have to go to court and get it written into their CO.

What do you guys think? 

by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
thejodigirl
by on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:45 PM

Oh geez that's tough since they have 50/50. I agree with you. She should have a few different Dr opinions and if they feel the child is better benefited by meds vs a holistic approach she should take that to court.

othermomforD
by Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:47 PM
This happen to DH where he was opposed to medicating ss with autism. BM took him to court to add it in co. Dh had 50/50 custody too. Funny part is BM wasn't giving ss the medication during her time nor did she continue to go to the dr appt. Ss being on medication changed his sleep pattern and he became aggressive. He also had loss of appetite and was very down when he first started. He also wasn't 't sleeping all night like before. Ss was 9 yrs old when this happen. Also, bm stop giving him medication without the dr orders to stop. BM has been in contempt of co with things she had done.
annabl1970
by Gold Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:49 PM
As previous poster said.
She should get second opinion and third opinion :)
And with that "back up" she can go to mediation or court.
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annabl1970
by Gold Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:52 PM
1 mom liked this
But I don't think she will lose custody over medicating her child based on doctor's recommendation. It's not like she is doing because she just decided on her own to medicate him.
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soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:54 PM

I think the medical choice should outweigh the "alternative" choice, but mom should take it to mediation and court.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:56 PM

I asked her and she said that she brought up medication and the doctor agreed it was an option, but that her ex said no way. He wants to try alternative treatments first (which have been proven to be successful).

I'm in no way anti-medication. DD has ADHD, SPD, ASD, and anxiety. She's on two medications (an ADHD medication and a sleep medication). But, we went through YEARS of therapy before we decided to medicate. And she's still in occupational therapy and behavior modification therapy. 


Quoting annabl1970:

But I don't think she will lose custody over medicating her child based on doctor's recommendation. It's not like she is doing because she just decided on her own to medicate him.



Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 7:58 PM

My understanding is that the alternative choices that dad is wanting to try are adjusting the kid's diet (taking out gluten, dairy, and soy) and trying occupational and behavior therapies before jumping into medication. The kid is 8 and got the official diagnosis less than 6 months ago. 


Quoting soonergirl980:

I think the medical choice should outweigh the "alternative" choice, but mom should take it to mediation and court.



soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 8:09 PM


Medication was a direct turn around for my son who is ADHD. It saved his education at the time so I am 100% behind medicating true ADHD cases. I don't really believe in "alternative" stuff. We went through that with DS before his actual DX because I was REALLY against medicating him at the time. Not exactly the same thing but my family just went through a very scary time because my nephews mom wanted to try alternative therapy after his DX with leukemia it almost killed him. If parents disagree I think the medical route is the route that should be taken.

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

My understanding is that the alternative choices that dad is wanting to try are adjusting the kid's diet (taking out gluten, dairy, and soy) and trying occupational and behavior therapies before jumping into medication. The kid is 8 and got the official diagnosis less than 6 months ago. 


Quoting soonergirl980:

I think the medical choice should outweigh the "alternative" choice, but mom should take it to mediation and court.





ZennMomma
by Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 8:13 PM

Just doing meds on her weeks is going to hurt the kid, that medication isn't take as needed...as far as I've seen...

why not give dads wants a try, a diet change and therapies are so less invasive and a lot of kids benefit a lot, meds are helpful, but it's a drug you are giving to a developing brain....

then if his ADHD is still bad she has grounds to request med use...

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Nov. 2, 2013 at 8:14 PM

I am a big fan of trying alternatives to meds whenever possible with MY kids. And the alternatives often DO work well, but all parties involved must work together on it. DH wanted other things than meds for SD's ADHD, took the time to study the alternatives and present them to BM .She flat out refused, she wanted what she calls zombie meds, ones that make SD simply be quiet. DH could've pushed, there are enough Drs out there in this day that support alternatives with or instead of meds, but DH didn't push b/c he ultimately knew that BM wouldn't do what she need to if the alternative routes were taken, its easier to just give SD a pill and be done.

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