Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

My step daughter needs help

Posted by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:18 AM
  • 12 Replies

I have been with my husband for many years. I was excited to be a part of his daughters life, she was in 4th grade when we met. Today she is a sophomore in high school and definitely not the same child she was before. Her birth mother is a very manipulative person and would do anything to make her self look like the better parent. During my step daughters 8th grade school year, she attempted suicide by cutting herself. My husband was kept away from this information, we only found out during recent court appearances. At the beginning of her 9th grade year, her mom basically abandoned her. She came to our house with so many medications, it was quite scary. Eventually, she told us that she didn't need to take any of this  medication since she was not living with her mom. My husband never refilled any of her prescriptions, but she was told to tell us if she needed them. Besides the typical teenage issues, she appeared to be doing fine. Getting awesome grades in school and she just seemed happy. Her mom came back this past July, but my husband was granted custody with mom getting every other weekend visitation. Since mom has been back, I have noticed that my step daughter is not the same. Moodier and just defiant. I have asked her if everything is okay, and she says she is fine. Recently, I was looking for a website to make a professional portfolio and she told me to use tumblr. I opened an account and thought immediately this was not going to work, I looked up step daughters and was shocked, appalled and disgusted by what I saw. Everything was about suicide, self harming and eating disorders. I showed my husband and last night he asked her about it and she denied it was hers. For obvious reasons, we know it is hers. 

It is obviously apparent she needs help. I have been putting things together in my mind and should have seen the signs, but as a step parent I have learned to stay out of the issues. My husband and I are at a loss on how to exactly help her. She saw a counselor for awhile before she came to live with us, but she says she does not remember who it was. How can we approach this issue with her and let her know we want to help her. 

by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:18 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:23 AM

I would call a suicide hotline and see if they have any advice for you, or if they know what steps you should take.

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm going to be blunt.

Your dh made an extremely uneducated and dangerous choice to allow her to stop taking prescribed medications just because the kid told him she didn't need them anymore. I'd be willing to bet they were for the issues she's dealt with regarding suicide, depression, etc. You don't quit those meds when you feel better as the meds are what are making you better! 

He needs to take her back to whomever prescribed them and find out exactly why she was taking them and what they were for. She needs active treatment again and this is the best place to start.

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:34 AM

I'm also going to suggest that the both of you educate yourselves on mental illness and the various issues she is dealing with as these are health issues that usually need consistent long term treatment. You don't stop it when you feel better.

ColaLynn7
by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:40 AM

I was not a fan of taking her off the medication, but she swore up and down she didn't need them because it was the stress of living with mom that was affecting her negatively. And she appeared to be doing awesome. She had no issues in school and was doing very well in all her classes. A teacher even said she is a different child from 8th to 9th grade. I knew that issues with her mom were affecting her, but her and I always talked about it. Things in her switched when mom came back, but even more so when she started school. This is her first year at the high school, at first I figured she was just having a hard time adjusting to high school. 

ColaLynn7
by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:41 AM

I have been researching what to do and  the steps. I kind of feel like the idiot for not realizing things, but she always said she was fine and that she didnt need to see a counselor or anything like that. 

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Kids and even adults who are suffering like this will often say they are fine. She manipulated using your and your husbands dislike of mom into getting her way. Your husband should have never just let her go off meds and should have taken more of an interest into what was being prescribed to her. Thank god he knows now and can her help before she succeeds in hurting herself more seriously. Please get her back into counseling asap.

iSMILEheCRIES
by Bronze Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:01 PM
I can see why the meds were stopped, and it prob would have been ok with bm gone. Now that she is back I would start at step one again. Print off the stuff you found on her web page and find her a counselor and hand the stuff over. Meds might be part of the new process too. What I learned (from these girls) is no matter how much bm screwed the kid up, they still love them and that love can cause guilt and anger and a whole lot more.. She is prob happy and angry bm is back in her life. GL
ColaLynn7
by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:17 PM

I felt too at the beginning it was completely fine to stop them. We even told her she needs to be open with us about this stuff. I was quite upset when the judge allowed unsupervised visitation from the get go. With their past, I knew this was setting her up for problems. Her younger half sister is also mentally unstable, as is the mom and the grandma.  I work in education, and in my opinion, mom is a huge cause of many of these issues. My husband and I try to not "bash" mom in front of her, but at times I think she hears us. My husband paid child support for a year while she was living with us. In court, mom was not required to pay back the child support (just under $15,000) nor was she ordered to pay him any child support now. At this point we need to get her help, before things go any further. 

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:17 PM

Live and learn. At least you caught it and realize she needs help.

Medication can really help...I know many are against it but when it comes to eating disorders, depression, etc., they do help alot and they shouldn't be stopped just because one feels better. Most SSRI meds take a few months to fully work as it has to build in the system.

I really believe checking with her original physician who prescribed the meds is the way to go.


Quoting ColaLynn7:

I have been researching what to do and  the steps. I kind of feel like the idiot for not realizing things, but she always said she was fine and that she didnt need to see a counselor or anything like that. 


 

ColaLynn7
by on Nov. 4, 2013 at 12:22 PM

Thanks, That makes me feel a lil better :) My husband and I have been putting blame on ourselves for working so many hours. But we both truly believed she was okay because she told she was okay and much happier with us than with mom.  

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN