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nervous fidgeting...ok or not

Posted by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:00 AM
  • 83 Replies

Soo, this morning, dh was talking to ss about a bad grade he received on a class assignment. He's usually a straight A student, but was distracted during class and didn't finish. Dh was talking to him about what happened and what we can do to not have it happen again. It wasn't a scolding or yelling, just a quiet conversation. During the conversation, ss was playing with items on the kitchen table, spinning around in his stool, making designs with his fingers on the table and placing his head down on the table.  Dh said he could care less about the "nervous fidgeting". I think those behaviors are disrespectful and rude. It's not my place to say anything to ss, but I remember being a kid and having the crap beat out of me if I pulled attitude like that. What do you think? 

by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:00 AM
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Replies (1-10):
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:03 AM
4 moms liked this

The behaviors you are describing are a child's normal way to releasing anxiety.  Let it go.  While the conversation seems totally reasonable to you and I as adults, the child, who failed to perform as expected and who received a low grade on an exam viewed this as an extremely anxiety provoking event.  Let it go.

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:04 AM
I think it's pretty typical and you should just ignore it.
newstepmom61811
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:07 AM

I would say he wasn't listening...

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:08 AM
It's really not a big deal, let it go. Like Lyndaloo said he was releasing anxiety. It's not like he was talking back.
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:15 AM


Quoting newstepmom61811:

I would say he wasn't listening...

My oldest child has a massive amount of anxiety over what adults would think are "normal" things.  There are soem days where even our normal, daily routine is cuase for anxiety.  I do not presume to know why - but she then fidgets.  Does it make me a bit batty when she is twisting, and turning, and touching, and handsy with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g?  yes.  However, she does hear and listen to everything I say - she simply has her compulsions and I do not discipline for them.

DDDaysh
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:21 AM
1 mom liked this

"Pulled an Attitude"?  

Oh geez Louise!  

You would hate to ever be in the same room as my kid then!  The only time he stops doing stuff like that is if I physically hold his hands and make him look into my eyes, and if I'm doing it during a conversation that is making him nervous, his feet will start bouncing!  

This child was listening to his father and the conversation was emotionally difficult for him.  He needed an outlet and chose quite reasonable ones, undestructive ones.  Would you have preferred to have him let the pressure build up and have him explode and yell at his father instead? 

pepper504
by Platinum Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:22 AM

Did DH feel that SS was paying attention to him while he was being fidgety? 

Honestly, when I was being disciplined by my mother, I would just "check out" and she told me a while back that she knew that I would do that and it drove her nuts.  lol. 

MommySabs
by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:23 AM
1 mom liked this
That is anxiety manifesting. It is often involuntary and in no way disrespectful. Distracting yes- an intentional affront no.
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:25 AM
I have severe anxiety and used to super fidget. I still shake involuntarily when I get nervous upset or angry. Seeing nervous fidgeting as disrespectful is just a stretch.


Quoting DDDaysh:

"Pulled an Attitude"?  

Oh geez Louise!  

You would hate to ever be in the same room as my kid then!  The only time he stops doing stuff like that is if I physically hold his hands and make him look into my eyes, and if I'm doing it during a conversation that is making him nervous, his feet will start bouncing!  

This child was listening to his father and the conversation was emotionally difficult for him.  He needed an outlet and chose quite reasonable ones, undestructive ones.  Would you have preferred to have him let the pressure build up and have him explode and yell at his father instead? 


newstepmom61811
by on Nov. 5, 2013 at 10:25 AM

 If a conversation is going on that long and that intense for a kid that they fidgit that bad...no they aren't listening, the adult has lost the kid...the fewer more carefully chosen words the better...long tense lectures that make a kid tune out...don't work...


Quoting LyndaLoo78:


Quoting newstepmom61811:

I would say he wasn't listening...

My oldest child has a massive amount of anxiety over what adults would think are "normal" things.  There are soem days where even our normal, daily routine is cuase for anxiety.  I do not presume to know why - but she then fidgets.  Does it make me a bit batty when she is twisting, and turning, and touching, and handsy with e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g?  yes.  However, she does hear and listen to everything I say - she simply has her compulsions and I do not discipline for them.


 

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