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"you never" how do you responde?

Posted by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:31 AM
  • 27 Replies
"You never____" seems to be the new theme at our house. Last night DH told the kids their muffins were on the counter, don't eat T"s in the fridge because they are dairy free. It was like it opened a flood gate. "You never buy us snacks" uhhh untrue on about ten different levels, one being dad just said "yours are on the counter." Then the next kid chimed in "you never buy my juice", "how come we never have tacos anymore", "you never take us to the movies". The kids are almost 7 and 8, and 15 and 16 and they were all looking around at each other agreeing. Dh were talking about it later kinda reevaluating and realized its the new theme and could name another dozen things they claim we never do. How do you respond when your kids say this about whatever. Do you point out "you went to see "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs" on the 15th?" Do you argue with them? Is there a way to curb this behavior? I understand the younger two doing it but the older two?? And I mean its OFTEN and about all different things. Or is it just normal and let them think they are "oh so mistreated"
by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:31 AM
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Derdriu
by Gold Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:42 AM
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Re: "Never" - A calm response without arguing is the best defense.  If you've recently done something for them they're complaining "never" happens, just make that comment.  "We never have pancakes!"  "We just had them on Sunday."  The end.  There's nothing more to be added or argued.  If the "never" is something that hasn't occurred in a while, it's fair to respond, "It has been a while since X," without validating the "never".

Re:  "Always" - I'm assuming if you get the "never", you also get the always.  My general response is to ask for example.  "You always take his side!"  "When?"  The vast majority of the time, examples cannot be given or they're very weak.  But words like "never" and "always" are hallmarks of weak arguments. 

LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:46 AM
1 mom liked this

According to my 8 years old I NEVER take them anywhere, buy them anything, we NEVER do fun things as a family, and I NEVER allow traets and snacks.  I ignore it - she is being pissy about not getting her way.  Or I calmly state, "When you have your own household, you are more than welcome to do, eat, blah blah blah, X, Y, Z.  While you reside under my roof, we will follow my agenda and schedule."

ManicAttack
by on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:49 AM

Yeah, been there, done that.  SS10 once threw a hissy fit about coming over because "you never take me ANYWHERE!"  Well, we had a nice little sit down with him and explained bills and money.  SO has a semi different situation because he pays CS as if he only has SS 4 days a month and we have him more often than that, so CS is higher than it "should" be.  But anyhow, he told SS straight up, SS is a child and doesn't understand how money works or what is a necessity and isn't.  Going to the movies isn't a necessity; I'm lactose intolerant so having almond/soy milk is.  SO needs new work boots for welding; SS does not need a new toy.  

WE ARE THE ADULTS, not them.  Life is not fair, that is how it goes.  I tell SS, "Too bad so sad.  You get to do a million things we never did as kids, so be thankful."

This is normal kid behavior.  I'm just curious how long they tell "white lies" for.  Like, "Sure I brushed my teeth!"  Then they have the stench of death on their breath.  

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:53 AM
1 mom liked this
I always reply with something sarcastic. I can't help it.
Mommy4000
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 10:56 AM
1 mom liked this

Kids are impulsive and exaggerate. They don't have that running list of things that we do for them always in their head, like we might. They focus on "in the moment" and if something isn't happening "in that moment" then it's never happening. I get this from my kids a lot. We don't do this, we don't do that. I just say, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it's not true, we do this and this. Sorry it's not a daily thing, but sometimes what you want can't happen immediately or all the time."

iSMILEheCRIES
by Bronze Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 11:02 AM
Lol this is why I ask because we have 2 different personalities in my house-me, dh, ss15, ds6 are sarcastic and wouldn't be hurt by a jab or "I'm never buying snacks again, you can eat the cat treats!" And SD 16 and ss7 might leave the table crying so I refrain. But from what I hear ya'll saying it all sounds normal..

Quoting KnowItAll:

I always reply with something sarcastic. I can't help it.
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 11:55 AM

I usually ignore. It's pretty normal kid behavior and I'm not going to waste my time trying to convince the kiddos otherwise. :)

rainch
by New Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 12:01 PM
Lol I have always told my kids (both step and bio), "keep it up and we never will" or "would you like that to be true?"
pepper504
by Platinum Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 12:13 PM

This is when I tell DD16 that other species eat their young for a reason. ;) 

Kids suck sometimes and I'd tell them to reflect on what they do have instead of what they assume that they do not. 

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Nov. 6, 2013 at 12:16 PM
1 mom liked this

When mine start, I respond with 'ok, then I'll stop doing XYZ so you're not lying about it...' and walk away.  Usually they'll follow with "I didn't mean 'never' but..." and we discuss it calmly.  ;) 

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