Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

When is it too much and call it quit......

Posted by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:43 PM
  • 24 Replies

     I live with my 62 year old boyfriend, he has 2 boys, 12,and 13 yrs old.  He gets them 1 day a week for about 4 to 6 hrs  [ Do to his work].  We live in a 2 bdrm apt. on third floor., they fight most of the time and are really loud at times.   I know that we should be Grandpraents at this point in our lives but stuff happens!  It's a small space but not bad for 2 older adults [I am 60].  The thing that is bugging my is he wants the second bdrm. just for his boys and only for the boys[ the boys rm. can not be used by me at all, I can go in there].  He plans on getting them more often but he is an heavy drinker and they don't like, let me put that this way.  The 2 boys wait for him to drink and take a nap in his chair, then they can have the run of the apt. and they make fun of him and steal money out of his change jar.  It's not a good thing but my concern is that not letting have room for my sewing and quests that spend the night, he won't even let anyone in the room[on the sofa for them]!  What is too much to take and how can I get him to see how hurtful that is to me?  I have to do all the cleaning when they come over and drive them home which is about 50 miles one way .  The mother will not transport them over or home!   What should I do?  Help please...Thanks to all the step moms out there.  I do help with the bills but my income is limited,  I am on disablity and he pays all the rent.  

by on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:43 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
JacyB
by Bronze Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:45 PM
What other alternative are you suggesting? Are they supposed to just not have their own space at their fathers house?
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:45 PM
2 moms liked this

Move out.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:51 PM

Do you live with him for the free rent? If so, suck it up, it's not a bad deal.

macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 4:51 PM
The boys only get him such a short while... Perhaps this is his way of letting them know they are still important and will always have a place in his home.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 5:18 PM
3 moms liked this

Why do they need a room if they are only there 1 day a week for 4-6 hours?  What do you get out of this relationship?

jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 5:29 PM

How old is his ex wife? I'm just curious because your husband is the same age as my dad and I can't fathom him having a 12 year old.

Messymom06
by Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 5:31 PM

If he wants to use the second room for his boys and he wants to keep them full time, you should support him. Help him decorate and be his partner in this 100 percent. If it's not something that you want to do,..you need to leave him. How can toy be with a man if you can't accept his kids? You wouldn't be ok with them being there full time? If not this relationship is not for you. Kids are a handful and the come with noise, messes and chaos...that's just how it is...you need to accept them whole heatedly or walk away...no need to waste  anyone's time 

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 5:52 PM
4 moms liked this

I don't understand your presence in this situation.  A - He's a heavy drinker.  B - He has no control over two teenage boys.  C - He sounds delusional (wanting more custody at age 62 with a drinking problem and no supervision).  D - Visitation is only happening because of you (driving).  E - You're being denied space in your own home...

Is it really so bad to be single?

twinklebites
by Silver Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 6:12 PM

I am not seeing anything beside free rent as a positive here ....What do you get out of this?

jules2boys
by Gold Member on Nov. 7, 2013 at 6:31 PM

When is it too much?  It'd be too much when you said he's a heavy drinker!  When is it too much for you? That's totally up to you. 

I'm curious as to what sort of disability you have that still allows you to drive 200 round trip in one day and do all of the cooking and cleaning when the boys are there but you can't work outside the home to improve your financal situation? 

Why doesn't  your boyfriend do the transportation of his children?  If you stopped doing it, would he see his children at all?  If not, stop doing it and take the room back. 

If the boys don't like going to visit their father, what makes him think he'll get MORE time with them now? 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)