Sorry this is long, I'm so stressed from this and bad week at work. We got married in 2012 and combined accounts. I'm constantly pissed (but I don't tell DH) at how he spends money on his kids (18 years old and up) and expects nothing in return from them or any help from BM.
For instance, last night we got $100 check in the mail from when SS was in high school and it was a refund of some sort from a class made out to him. We had paid the original amount to the school and when he completed the course they refund it. DH is giving it to SS. We just bought him a new laptop last week and a new bike a month before, which promptly got stolen at college. SS totaled his car so now DH is buying him another so he won't be on campus without one. He's only 40 miles away so I don't think he had to have a car to sit in the lot all week, but DH seems too. SS chose not to take his work-study grant at school where he could earn some money while there, and we are paying for everything he didn't qualify for on FAFSA. DH didn't say a word about SS ignoring the work-study grant.
That $100 check will be EXTRA for SS, not part of his weekly spending money and gas money DH gives him either. I think it would have been nice for DH to say "I need you to endorse this check and we will put it towards your new laptop from last week."
Everything for my daughter I pay out of her child support except for the utilites she uses, groceries, and if we eat out with DH. I even use it for gas money to take her to and from school. I also use it for her Christmas presents. My paycheck goes in with DH on all our expenses and his kids.
Am I awful here, or does some of this make sense? It's just we pay for everything SS asks for and BM doesn't pay for anything. DH puts tuition, laptop, bike, whatever on a credit card and now DH is wanting me to use my inheritance money to pay it off, saying it will save us interest. We also pay his other son's cell phone and he is 23. I haven't told him yet, but I'm just not going to spend my inheritance on his son's college even though I love DH, I have 2 kids too and one that will be going to college in a couple years. He is a great husband to me, and everything is wonderful except for my having to manage our finances and feeling like he is willing to use my money, or put us in debt so his kids don't have to step up to the plate yet and contribute. And because he won't ask BM to chip in for anything. She just gets to work her job, buy the clothes and car for herself she wants, and I work and help support her half of their kids.
Is it possible at this point to separate our finances, and would it help me let go of this resentment? How do you even split them? Do I pay half of the utilities and then just my share of car insurance and cell phones?