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"For SD, in care of... DH?" Long, sorry!

Posted by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 9:35 PM
  • 13 Replies

Crap went down today, and I am glad I missed most of it. BM's grandma's memorial service and mass were today, DH went as SD12 was very close to her even though SD9 wasn't, and Custodial Gma/Gpa and DH have always had a good relationship. There was a dinner for the family after everything was all said and done, and DH declined going, he had to work. BM's grandpa pulled DH aside, and told him he had some things to give him, DH was a little confused, but said OK.  The things ended up being some things that BM's grandma had meant for SD, and a check for a decent amount of $$ for SD, to be saved or used if needed. He explained that custodial Gma had said NOT to give these items(worth a fair amount, I guess) to BM, but to DH for SD, as BM has a habit of "losing"/selling things. DH brought these things home, put them in the attic, deposited check in SD's savings acct., and went to work.

Next thing I know, BM is on my doorstep having a coronary. I had NO clue she didn't know about this, didn't ask. Told her she wasn't invited in as she wished to be, NO, I wasn't giving the items to her, and that DH had already took check to bank. Please call him after work and talk to him. Wasn't sure what else to say...

Thoughts? There was more, but this is the basics, will answer things as they come up if needed.

Lilypie - (ZEi4)


by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 9:35 PM
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Replies (1-10):
som610
by Bronze Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 9:39 PM
2 moms liked this

Sounds like you and DH handled it well to me. Good luck with it all!

cLanief
by on Nov. 9, 2013 at 9:41 PM
You handled it well. So did your dh.
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 9:52 PM

BM's granny did that to us too.  We have totes of old porcelain dolls for SD's when they are ready.

Your DH did fine. Just leave it. It was for SD not BM and your DH already made sure it was set aside for SD.

shoult
by New Member on Nov. 9, 2013 at 9:56 PM
1 mom liked this

My DH went through something similar when his ex MIL passed away. We are keeping the items for SD until she is old enough to appreciate them and care for them. Her mom would pawn them. I would keep the items and refuse to discuss it with BM, and follow the family's wishes.

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 1:02 AM
2 moms liked this
I've actually been through this! But in your Dh's position and not your position. My ex's mom sent me some things shortly after our divorce that she wanted me to keep in my cedar chest for dd. She felt that her son (my ex) didn't have the right kind of safe keeping that I did because I got the cedar chest in the divorce (it was my grandmas). One item was an heirloom Dutch tile and a Dutch tile that she had made for dd. A sweater that was her husbands, passed down to her son (my ex) and although dd wasn't a boy she thought it was something dd would want one day. It was made by her great great aunt. A necklace that was her great great aunts. Dd's family immigrated here when her grandfather was a small boy so a lot of the things they had for dd were just really neat things to show her about her heritage.

Well... My ex found out and had a complete fit that his mother would give me these things. I tried to explain that these were not given to ME they are for dd and that I am just keeping them safe for her until she is older.

He dropped it but it gets brought up occasionally during a brawl and he actually accuses me of stealing these things. Fortunately for me I have the letter that was written by my ex mil telling me that she felt I was the best person to hold on to these things for dd.

So a few years have passed and this past summer apparently dd was told about these things and was also told that I destroyed all of the things her grandma had given to her. Dd came home not upset but just confused because she has seen all of these things before - I've already shown her everything. We venture in to the cedar chest often to look around.
So I showed her all of her things, shared the note with her. And that handled that situation.

I'll never let these items out of my 'sight'. They are secured in the chest. I can understand how he might have felt that he was passed over and they were given to me but that wasn't my choice. I didn't ask for these things. They were sent to me and I'm only holding them. They are not MINE. But I will protect them as such. And his mom knew I would. She trusted me with this. I told dd that when she sees g-ma at thanksgiving she needs to tell her that she has seen all of her things that are in the cedar chest. Who knows what his mother has been told. She probably thinks I set fire to it all and had a bonfire with my neighbors roasting marshmellows lol

You did the right thing and your husband did the right thing. Tucking them away securely and putting the check in a safe account. Don't even think twice about it.

Sorry that got long. Lol
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Leigh84
by Gold Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 6:09 AM
You handled it well. I can't believe she just showed up at your door step expecting you to hand those things over that were for your sd
elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 5:56 PM

Let's see, the "stuff'is boxes of old china, a few dolls, a really old rosary, and some antique knick knacks. I am just not an old stuff person I guess. 

Quoting Polkadotted:

BM's granny did that to us too.  We have totes of old porcelain dolls for SD's when they are ready.

Your DH did fine. Just leave it. It was for SD not BM and your DH already made sure it was set aside for SD.


Lilypie - (ZEi4)


elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 5:57 PM

I was pretty suprised. DH didn't even look in the boxes as he didn't have time til after work. WE don't want the stuff, it's for SD! 

Quoting Leigh84:

You handled it well. I can't believe she just showed up at your door step expecting you to hand those things over that were for your sd


Lilypie - (ZEi4)


elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 6:01 PM

I don't know if SD was told of the things or not. WE don't want them, they are hers. BM was more concerned for the money, which wasn't surprising to DH. He simply told BM he put it in her savings(we have one for each kid here), and he could provide proof if needed. Getting a letter from BM's grandpa stating that the things are SD's might not be a bad idea though.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I've actually been through this! But in your Dh's position and not your position. My ex's mom sent me some things shortly after our divorce that she wanted me to keep in my cedar chest for dd. She felt that her son (my ex) didn't have the right kind of safe keeping that I did because I got the cedar chest in the divorce (it was my grandmas). One item was an heirloom Dutch tile and a Dutch tile that she had made for dd. A sweater that was her husbands, passed down to her son (my ex) and although dd wasn't a boy she thought it was something dd would want one day. It was made by her great great aunt. A necklace that was her great great aunts. Dd's family immigrated here when her grandfather was a small boy so a lot of the things they had for dd were just really neat things to show her about her heritage.

Well... My ex found out and had a complete fit that his mother would give me these things. I tried to explain that these were not given to ME they are for dd and that I am just keeping them safe for her until she is older.

He dropped it but it gets brought up occasionally during a brawl and he actually accuses me of stealing these things. Fortunately for me I have the letter that was written by my ex mil telling me that she felt I was the best person to hold on to these things for dd.

So a few years have passed and this past summer apparently dd was told about these things and was also told that I destroyed all of the things her grandma had given to her. Dd came home not upset but just confused because she has seen all of these things before - I've already shown her everything. We venture in to the cedar chest often to look around.
So I showed her all of her things, shared the note with her. And that handled that situation.

I'll never let these items out of my 'sight'. They are secured in the chest. I can understand how he might have felt that he was passed over and they were given to me but that wasn't my choice. I didn't ask for these things. They were sent to me and I'm only holding them. They are not MINE. But I will protect them as such. And his mom knew I would. She trusted me with this. I told dd that when she sees g-ma at thanksgiving she needs to tell her that she has seen all of her things that are in the cedar chest. Who knows what his mother has been told. She probably thinks I set fire to it all and had a bonfire with my neighbors roasting marshmellows lol

You did the right thing and your husband did the right thing. Tucking them away securely and putting the check in a safe account. Don't even think twice about it.

Sorry that got long. Lol


Lilypie - (ZEi4)


OvrMyHead
by Silver Member on Nov. 10, 2013 at 6:13 PM
It's a compliment to leave someone in charge of passing down heirlooms. Good for you and good for DH.
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