You know, I was NOT a step-mom to young children, and actually I am very thankful for that.
I sometimes wonder if step-moms really understand what a bio mom must go through when they talk about her being a b....., etc. I mean seriously.....let's think about this for a moment.
You bring this baby into the world, your love is overflowing, filled up, and is like nothing you have ever felt before. You want everything good for this little life that has been given to you to raise. You feel so very protective......
Then something goes terribly wrong with the man in your life and you end up without him (doesn't matter the reason, leave that behind for a moment and stay with me). Then he decides to re-marry and suddenly your precious baby (even if older) has to be shared with a woman you don't know anything about. Your child will go to a home where you have no idea what is going on, how he/she is being treated, fed, loved, disiplined, etc.
How very heart wrenching to sit at home wondering how that baby you birthed is doing, feeling, etc.
Not only that, but even if SM is the most wonderful woman in the world.....then...you suddenly feel left out, you feel replaced, your heart aches....someone is enjoying your baby and your baby is enjoying them...oh the sinking feeling that must be.
Can you now understand why so many BM's seem to be "B's" . They must be so conflicted....I want the best for my baby when with their Dad, but I don't want them to enjoy my baby too much, because it isn't with me...their momma.
As for all the SM that get treated poorly just because of who they are.......IT STINKS! We did nothing but marry their Dad....I get it completely. I am on the receiving end of a BM that is hateful. Fortunately (if there is such a thing), my steps were all adults and so I could completely step back and let BM have her rightful place with her kids. DH has his place too (well, except when StepDad gets a little gung ho.....thats for them to work out).
BLENDED LIFE STINKS! But, you are here now and so I would say......the old saying "do unto others" still applies. When you are feeling like the BM is a "B".....just try to think how it feels to let your own children go to another home for a period of time.
In closing, I do think with time things get better for both BM and SM. There tends to be an understanding, even if they still don't like each other.
I am not sure even why I posted this....but my heart just aches when I read about how many women hate each other. If we just stopped and looked to the reason maybe we could be a little more understanding, even if we didn't like being on the receiving end of it.
Happy Veterans Day to all our Veterans!