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Annoyed!!!! HELP!!!!!!

Posted by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:31 AM
  • 33 Replies

 Ok so here goes i need to get this off my chest and hopefully get some POSITIVE advice about what to do....

So Ive been married for almost 3 years and together for almost 5 and my DH has and 8 year old daughter that lives 2 hours away...We get her everyother weekend,  he picks her up Friday then we both go to drop her on Sunday... I know that this is what i signed up for but i dont like her...idk why i just cant stand when shes at my hosue and it feels like its a HUGE inconvenience...i know its bad :( thats why im asking for HELP!!!!

I just had a baby almost 3 months ago and i love her more than anything being a mom is the best job in the world!!!!!! (so its not that i dont like kids)... i know im never going to be able to love SD the same but i just wanna like her atleast... and not dread the weekends we have her....

I HATE FEELING THIS WAY AND FEEL LIKE A TERRIBLE PERSON!!!

by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
malinda74
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:42 AM
Ummm....surely you must have some reason why you dislike an innocent kid who doesn't seem to have done anything to you. I can understand if you didn't love her the same as your baby but why the intense dislike? Does she remind you of the ex wife?
NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:43 AM
3 moms liked this

 Have you always had this type of annoyance towards her? Or did it slowly develop?

Maybe you have a resentment that it cuts into your time? Perhaps if you were less involved in the picking up/dropping off logistics eowe?

We are only human. I am glad you are aware that isn't fair to the 8yo and trying to improve the situation before it gets worse.

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 9:59 AM

you only have her EOWE just deal with it and be nice.  Its not like you are new to the situation you put yourself there.  What makes you not like her?  Is she rude and doesnt listen.  

bnc2712
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:05 AM
1 mom liked this
Is this a new development since you had your child or have you always felt this way?
NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:07 AM
2 moms liked this

Sometimes resentments build and we don't even realize it. It isn't always obvious the reason… like a ill behaving child. Sometimes its reasons that are more difficult to admit and deal with, like personal insecurity. It doesn't make you an evil/bad person, as long as you are willing to take responsibility and work to improve it (which it seems like you are).

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:23 AM

Do you not like her because she inconveniences you?  Or do you not like her because of some aspect of her behavior or personality?

Secondly, in what way are you inconvenienced?  Are you having to wait on her hand and foot, or is it the break in your normal routine that aggrivates you?  And have you tried talking to your DH about ways he can help make the weekends run more smoothly?

lforman
by on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:28 AM

 I dont know why i feel this way.......i guess bc it "interferes" with my normal routine.....i really dont know.... but its gotten worse since the baby has been here and it seems like it keeps getting worse..

What should i do? any suggestions to help me not feel this way??

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:35 AM

How do you act when you feel that way?

Feelings are feelings.  They're not exactly something you can just decide to turn off or change.  Taking an action opposite of how you feel, however, can create a totally different set of feelings.  In other words, if you're annoyed with her, maybe try to pick an activity to do with her that will be fun for both of you.  That way, whatever specific thing she was doing that annoyed you will stop, and you'll be giving yourself an opportunity to engage with her and enjoy her company. 

NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:45 AM
1 mom liked this

If this is the case, you should accept the situation you committed to and that you must now  find a way to handle the building resentments that come along with it.

The most important thing to keep in mind... it's not SD or DH's fault. So do not expect them to change or fix the situation.

Have you thought about talking to a friend and just venting every so often? Or maybe journaling your frustrations? You need a healthy outlet...  Maybe just an hour once a week to yourself? You may be stressed in general (with being a new Mom) and SD is the easy target.

Quoting lforman:

 

 I dont know why i feel this way.......i guess bc it "interferes" with my normal routine.....i really dont know.... but its gotten worse since the baby has been here and it seems like it keeps getting worse..

 

What should i do? any suggestions to help me not feel this way??

 

 

 

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Nov. 15, 2013 at 10:52 AM
1 mom liked this
Have you always felt this way about her? Sometimes my sk's get on my nerves when they go on an on about sports or new rap songs (don't get me started on that lol) I'm just polite about it. It's fine she gets on your nerves, you just have to be nice to her.
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