Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

What to do when mom won't bring SS for visitation?

Posted by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 5:45 PM
  • 56 Replies
We are supposed to have SS 13 every other week. His attitude an behavior have progressed that he no longer wants to see us. TM is adamant she is not trying to get full custody of him. SS is refusing to come over for his next parenting time. My question is, what does DH do when TM does not get SS here? What would be his wisest next steps? Does he call the police to assist? We have counseling set up the next day after he comes back here as well.
by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 5:45 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 5:54 PM

Can't Dad jus go get him? 

I will say though that at 13, there may be other things going on and it seems to me that Dad needs to have a talk with his son. Maybe take him out for lunch or something and have a chat.  WHY doesn't he want to see you guys? 

When I was his age, I quit seeing my dad.  I had valid reasons and my mom supported me.  But I didn't really TELL my dad right away what those were.  It wasn't PAS on my Mom's part.  I just didn't want to go and deal with certain things.   Maybe there is something your DH could work out with his son rather than going straight to the court/police/extreme?

HisLovingGirl
by New Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:02 PM

In most states the cops wont do anything because it's a "civil matter" or something like that. You will have to go to court and try to file contempt.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:06 PM
2 moms liked this

He can go to mom's house and try to get SS to go with him. Other than that, I don't know. Why doesn't his son want to visit him anymore?

How involved is Dad beyond his parenting time? Does he go to school events, talk to teachers, etc? Does he know his son's friends? Has he offered to let his son bring a friend with him?

k8smimi
by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:25 PM

In our state you would go to pick him up with a copy of the court order showing visitation.  If ds didn't comply you would call the police and show them the order.  He would then be released to you.

Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:28 PM
Why doesn't he want to come over?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:36 PM
Take the cops with CO in hand and they will make him go.
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:41 PM

Why can't DH just get him? who has custody? Is DH planning on sending him back to mom?

NonSMom
by Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:49 PM

Thanks for the replies ladies - SS has extreme loyatly conflicts between mom and dad, as well as TM just provides an environment that is the path of least resistance regarding expectations, chores, screen time and phone privleges, manners, etc. So, SSs perception is that it's just too hard over here and he just can't do it anymore. I get it - and we were happy to let him stay with TM full time -  I think in most cases, the aligned parent WANTS to gain full custody of the child by not helping their children cope with the changes of divorce and remarriage, but TM has done the same amount of damage to SS as if she did want him full time. She admits she can't handle his behavior either  and doesn't want him full time. And we...don;t want to force him to come either, and we want him here happy and able to do well. It's been such a mess.  I feel so badly for SS.


DH could go get him, but he's placing the onus on TM to get him here, per the CO.  He wants this to play out and observe how HARD she tries to get him here, and he does not want to be the one driving a potentially kicking screaming tantruming 13 year to our place.  On transfer days, SS is supposed to just take the bus to our stop and walk here after school.  She told DH she might just pick him up from the bus stop and take him back home with her if he continues to stress about coming.  She has also been "punishing" him for not wanting to come. We're not sure what that means.     

I did call our police  number preemptively and they can assist with the  ordered transfer, but I was not told exactly HOW. They'd have to come and assess the situation.  

tardiskitty
by on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:50 PM
Usually at around age 12 the court takes the child's wants into consideration.if he doesn't want to go at that age the court generally won't make him.
I know this because my parents were divorced and I got to make the choice when I grew old enough.
baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 16, 2013 at 6:52 PM


Quoting venessaw04:

Take the cops with CO in hand and they will make him go.

Listen to this advice^^^^and your husband will likely not see his son again. And if he does, he will be so hateful towards all of you (except his mother) that you will beg for him to never come again.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN