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Playing Favorite

Posted by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 2:56 PM
  • 13 Replies

There is a Husband and wife and 2 children 1 boy age 3 and 1 girl age 5. The husband entered the marriage with his daughter age 5 (from a different relationship).  The 3 year old little boy belongs to both the husband and wife who have been married for 4 1/2 years.

Now here is the issue:

The Paternal grandmother often plays favorite between the kids. She treats the 5 year old so much better and is more of a grandmother to the 5 year old than the 3 year old and both children are her biological grandchildren from her one and only child.

The father had a emtional argument with his mother once before in the past because of the same situation were it lead to the kids not seeing there grandmother for a few months. 

The father have had private talks with his mother to discuss the issues.

The paternal grandmother has stated once before that the 5 year old needs more love and  attention because the little girl doesnt have both her mother and father in the same household raising her like the 3 year old does.

The parents of the little girl both share 50/50 and the little girls spends time with each parent every 2 1/2 days.  Both of the Bio parents get along for the most part and parent together even though they are not together.  She loved all over from her parents and both her stepparents all 4 adults are pretty cool may have issues here and there but nothing to damage any relationships between the familes. The little girl is doing well no unusally issues that she is having.  She's a typical 5 year old happy, playful, healthy, smart, loving etc.

The last incident happend with playing favorite that the little boy didnt even want to stay with his grandma and both the husband and wife saw what had happened.  Grandma gave long hugs and kisses to the little girl as if she havnt seen her in years and gave the little boy a basic simple hug.  So the father asked his mother  "arent you glad to see both the kids" and grandma pretended as if she didnt see or understand anything wrong so the father got really upset and told his mother that if she cant treat his kids the same and show both them love that she would not be allowed to be a grandparent to either of his kids and he told his daughter to get her jacket because they were leaving.  Grandma yelled back telling him to go and that he cant tell her how to be a grandparent to her grandkids...

Was dad wrong for standing up to his mom regarding playing favorites to his kids?

How can grandma just pick which grandchild she wants to be grandma to and leave the other one out right in front of the child face

Have anyone of you ladies experience this between your children from grandparents or different family members?

by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 2:56 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:18 PM
Eh...if I were BM and Dad wouldn't let my daughter see her grandmother, if take the child when it was my time.

by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 3:31 PM

Really as SM, it's up to her what she wants for her child of she wants her child to have contact with paternal GM...she negotiates that with me irrespective of what's going on with SD...DH is trying to change GMs SM and BM to the second GC and the one treated less well...well, I'd just decide for myself if I wanted to follow DH lead, I would know what I'm getting out of GM as a it worth it for my child to see the discrepancy? That's the decision for me to make...I'm assuming where asking what SM can do here...

by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 4:00 PM

Not at all, way to go Dad!

by Gold Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 4:11 PM
It sounds as if it's obvious to the point the boy realizes it. Dad was right to say something.
by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 4:22 PM
She's right. He can't tell her how to be a grandparent. My mom is close to my kids and not as close to my brothers. She has a closer bond with my dd than my ds because of circumstances and age. I however don't think that my mom treats my kids different so this isn't a problem for me. I think it's sad that one grandchild will miss out but I also think it's sad that grandma has an aversion to the youngest. It could be because of you. How is your relationship with your mother in law?
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by Ruby Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 6:46 PM
Be glad MIL at least acknowledges the mil completely ignores dd and sd and focuses only on ss.
Dad wS right for speaking up.
by on Nov. 17, 2013 at 7:04 PM

One year my ex took our kids to where his parents lived, along with his wife and her kids (not ex's).  His wife was not happy with grandma for showing my kids more attention.  They fought over things like grandma's authority over SM's with my kids, grandma not being happy with SM's kids behavior, you name it it was a bone of contention for those two.  SM decided to cut the vacation short because she just had enough of grandma and my kid's got their time cut short with their grandparents.  Dad agreed with her on the leaving, brought the kids home to me early (without warning), and she lost more respect.

My kid's stopped seeing SM soon after that and grandparents started going through me to see their grandkids.  Dad may not want both his kids seeing his mom because he disagrees with her, but he's not doing anyone any favors by keeping an important person out their lives. 

I can't even stand my ex MIL and I still let her see my kids. 

by Bronze Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 7:13 PM

It could just be a Boy vs Girl thing. 

by Member on Nov. 17, 2013 at 7:21 PM

We cut contact with my MIL for several months. They favored SD because they hated me. Well when SD's BM split and ran off for over a year that behavior stopped. Havent had a single problem since we got full custody of SD. My husband did that same as yours. If your kids are noticing it needs to stop.

by Le Bonjour Chat on Nov. 17, 2013 at 7:28 PM

My grandmother (my mom's mom) had favorites too.  I wasn't one of them.  I knew that for a long time and didn't really care.

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