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I am a very hurt stepmom and wife I feel hopeless

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 5:20 PM
  • 36 Replies

I have been married 7 years in January and I have 3 boys and my hubby has a boy and girl and we have 1 child together. My step children we had 50/50 until a couple of years ago we now have them every other weekend. Until 2 weeks ago, my husband got slapped in the face saying the kids dont like me that Ihave fake love they hate me etc. They never want to come over and that visitation will take place at his mothers house (his mom and her are good gossiping friends). My heart was ripped out of me and I want the truth to come out. The kids mom says she does not want her kids questioned because they dont need to be dragged into this. They are 11 & 12. To date I have never abused them verbally or physically. I am speechless and this is affecting my marriage!!! I do not know what I can do to plead my case as a stepmom and wife?

by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 5:20 PM
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Replies (1-10):
pepper504
by Platinum Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 5:27 PM

If there is a CO in place, then mom cannot dictate where dad sees the kids. 

Your DH needs to get to the bottom of the allegations and leave it at that, for now.

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 5:30 PM

I don't know why you'd have to plead your case as a wife, since no one has said you're not dad's wife, right?

Not sure what case you want to plead. Are you saying you want to find out why the kids dont' like you (or verify that they don't like you) and no one will let you ask them?

NonSMom
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:16 PM
1 mom liked this

We're where you are now too. I'm sorry. This sucks. I know a lot of people will tell you the kids are at or close to an age where they can choose or have input into where they want to stay.  But both parents need to agree that is what's best for them.  Unless there's something CPS worthy, the courts want to see children spend time with both parents and bond with the other significant adults in their lives.  On the flip side, if their mom continues to be successful at alignimg the children to her and away from their dad, you're loosing un uphill battle and will soon have children at home who don't want to be there and will let you, your children, and your child together know about it every freaking second there are there.  I'd suggest some family therapy now, before it gets worse.  

momof4boys0126
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:21 PM

I am the stepmom married to dad. We have always had an awesome relationship with the kids. I case I want to plead is that the kids are being influenced by their mom and grandma. If they are so worried why not get CPS involved.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:25 PM
1 mom liked this

This. I can't imagine your DH would just go along with this unless he knew more to the story.

Quoting pepper504:

If there is a CO in place, then mom cannot dictate where dad sees the kids. 

Your DH needs to get to the bottom of the allegations and leave it at that, for now.


leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:25 PM
3 moms liked this

Trust your DH to handle this matter with his children, let it go.

NonSMom
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:26 PM

Is this influence something new? Why is it starting now, do you think?  

ramita
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:29 PM
I'm sorry you have to deal with this. If there is a custody order inplace then your DH needs to make sure it is followed. If not time to go to court over it. If need be find a way for you to be 'out of the picture' while the step kids are with their dad. Have him let them know that because their mom said they didn't like you, you have offered to step way back. Then continue to let their dad handle them.
NonSMom
by Member on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this

And honestly, if there are "allegations" the onus is on thier mom to prove something. Especially if mom doesn't want the children questioned, what does she have to fight this fight with, her word?  Noooo.  If that is all there is to it, your husband and you can relax and he can tell her "do what you need to do and let me know what they say."  :)

momof4boys0126
by on Nov. 18, 2013 at 6:32 PM

It is affecting my marriage. My husband leaves me for the weekend to go into is moms house and spend it wtih his kids. This infuence has always been around negative influence. I understand its hard for the kids they have mom and grandma whom they love dearly putting them against me.

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