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Why do moms say this to other moms???

Posted by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:06 PM
  • 154 Replies
11 moms liked this

How many times have you heard or even said, "Being a sperm donor doesn't make someone a dad?"  So, why do women refuse to understand that being an egg donor doesn't make someone a mom? Many aspects go into being a mom.  Donating the egg might NOT be one of them. Right???

So why would one woman tell another woman that she is NOT a child's mom - step or otherwise?  Where is the support that we should be showing to one another?  Please, tell me...

shrugging

by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
daddysgf
by and that's all on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:08 PM
3 moms liked this

But... but... I'm not his Mom...

LilMamaK
by Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:10 PM
6 moms liked this

 I agree 100%!!! There are SOO many women in this group that are down right cruel about this topic! Not everyone has the same feelings towards their stepkids as I do, but, in MY eyes, I'm his MOM! And no one can say anything to change that! It goes back to people who adopt children as well!! Just because they didn't give birth to that child, doesn't mean they are not it's parents! Some people are just black and white with this topic, but, I'm a firm believer that if the shoe fits, wear it! Anyone can give sperm or and egg, but the real PARENT (MOM OR DAD!) is the one that sticks till the end for that child and raises it and/or co parents! Jealousy gets in the way too many times!

 Mommy to a beautiful daughter (7.5.08), Stepmom to an amazing son(6.5.07), and Angel baby boy(3.6.10)

LilMamaK
by Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:12 PM
1 mom liked this

 Also, let me add, I think it has a lot to do in how people veiw this title! Some don't want it and see themselves as the "Mom/Dad". To each their own in that case.

 Mommy to a beautiful daughter (7.5.08), Stepmom to an amazing son(6.5.07), and Angel baby boy(3.6.10)

MammaPK
by Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:12 PM
4 moms liked this

Dadddysgf,

Right!  But, every family dynamic is different and that is not the case for all of us, especially, the long-term, fulltime SMs to young children.

Different Strokes for Different Folks!  It should be respected.


bow down

MammaPK
by Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:17 PM
1 mom liked this

Yup!

Each family must navigate this road according to what is good and right and best for that family.  It is a sensitive subject and should be handled with the children's best interest in mind.

I would never tell my two boys (my SSs) that they could NOT call me "Mom."  It would hurt their feelings.

I NEVER told them to call me "Mom," either.  I told them to call me what was comfortable for them.


Quoting LilMamaK:

 I agree 100%!!! There are SOO many women in this group that are down right cruel about this topic! Not everyone has the same feelings towards their stepkids as I do, but, in MY eyes, I'm his MOM! And no one can say anything to change that! It goes back to people who adopt children as well!! Just because they didn't give birth to that child, doesn't mean they are not it's parents! Some people are just black and white with this topic, but, I'm a firm believer that if the shoe fits, wear it! Anyone can give sperm or and egg, but the real PARENT (MOM OR DAD!) is the one that sticks till the end for that child and raises it and/or co parents! Jealousy gets in the way too many times!



DDDaysh
by on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:22 PM
4 moms liked this

Because being the child's mother is actually a very concrete thing.  You can't just do alot for a kid and become a mother.  It just doesn't work that way.  Believing you are a parent to a child when you are not actually a parent to a child can have some DISASTROUS consequences.  As they say...  Been there/done that/got the T-shirt!  

I don't think it's wise or helpful to encourage another woman to keep pretending something that's putting her in a bad place.  And few of the women who post here claiming to be "Mom" are in a good place...

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:22 PM
3 moms liked this

I don't believe either of these statements are true

LilMamaK
by Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:22 PM

 I agree! It's the same way in our home! DSS would be HEART broken if anyone ever sad I wasn't his Mom or he wasn't my son. I've always told him since day one to call me what HE is comfortable with! Every house hold is different. In ours, I have custody of my SS. He was removed from his BM for child abuse/neglect. I'm the only real mother he has grown to know. I love him as my own, and see him as my own. Everyone is different. But in our house, this is what works and meets my DSS needs and best interest!

Quoting MammaPK:

Yup!

Each family must navigate this road according to what is good and right and best for that family.  It is a sensitive subject and should be handled with the children's best interest in mind.

I would never tell my two boys (my SSs) that they could NOT call me "Mom."  It would hurt their feelings.

I NEVER told them to call me "Mom," either.  I told them to call me what was comfortable for them.

 

Quoting LilMamaK:

 I agree 100%!!! There are SOO many women in this group that are down right cruel about this topic! Not everyone has the same feelings towards their stepkids as I do, but, in MY eyes, I'm his MOM! And no one can say anything to change that! It goes back to people who adopt children as well!! Just because they didn't give birth to that child, doesn't mean they are not it's parents! Some people are just black and white with this topic, but, I'm a firm believer that if the shoe fits, wear it! Anyone can give sperm or and egg, but the real PARENT (MOM OR DAD!) is the one that sticks till the end for that child and raises it and/or co parents! Jealousy gets in the way too many times!

 

 

 

 Mommy to a beautiful daughter (7.5.08), Stepmom to an amazing son(6.5.07), and Angel baby boy(3.6.10)

progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:23 PM
8 moms liked this

I don't like the terms ‘sperm donor,' ‘egg donor,' ‘incubator,' or the other long list of derogatory terms people use to try to negate the fact that mom is mom and dad is dad. Maybe they aren't a good mom/dad, but they are mom/dad nonetheless.  

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Nov. 19, 2013 at 1:24 PM
4 moms liked this

No sorry adoption is not like being a step parent. Adoption IS being a parent there is no question about it.

Quoting LilMamaK:

 I agree 100%!!! There are SOO many women in this group that are down right cruel about this topic! Not everyone has the same feelings towards their stepkids as I do, but, in MY eyes, I'm his MOM! And no one can say anything to change that! It goes back to people who adopt children as well!! Just because they didn't give birth to that child, doesn't mean they are not it's parents! Some people are just black and white with this topic, but, I'm a firm believer that if the shoe fits, wear it! Anyone can give sperm or and egg, but the real PARENT (MOM OR DAD!) is the one that sticks till the end for that child and raises it and/or co parents! Jealousy gets in the way too many times!


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