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name change and school/medical records..

Posted by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 8:40 PM
  • 13 Replies
dh has been ds's daddy since he was 2. Ds told me a few months ago that,he wants to change his last name from

Jayson lee bf last name

To jayson lee bf last name - dh last name.

He keeps bringing it up. So I told him that if he is serious, then he will still want to change it next year.

So we decided that if he is still consistently asking , then we will change it over the summer

So my question is... If he has two legal last names, what would he be the name we used for legal purposes.. Both??

I asked him about making dh or bfs last name a second middle name.. He isnt going for that.
by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 8:40 PM
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PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 8:49 PM
At our school (where I work) if a child has two last names we use both names always. Their state tests have both names on them, their enrollment forms have both on it, and when referring to the child we use both names. I'm not sure how it is at other schools or medical offices but we use both.

Do you have BF's permission to change/add a name? Or isn't he in the picture??
jules2boys
by Gold Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 8:50 PM
1 mom liked this

It depends on the school as far as I know.  I know some who have children with hyphenated last names since birth (or adoption).  Some schools go by the first last name, some go by the name after the hyphen.   I don't know why and no one has shared that with me. 

An example, when my aunts adopted their girls (they were 5 and 6 at adoption, so old enough to have an opinion in their circumstance, they knew they were being adopted, they knew their bioparents would never care for them again (and they hadn't seen their parents in a couple of years by then either), etc.  Their adoption, they had the right to say no to it too (through their agency).  Anyway, the girls have both aunts last names, hyphenated (Smith-Jones).  Jones is my aunts last name (not really) and since she was the one who really felt pulled to this adoption (her partner didn't but wasn't opposed either), it was determined that Jones would be the 'schools' last name too.  That was one question they asked when they were making the decision; the schools in their area, or legally, which name should be placed where for the girls so, when looking them up, they'd know Jones was their 'primary' last name, not Smith.   (I'm sure there were more questions/answers than this, but this is all I was made aware of). 

A friend has 3 kids with her DH.  They hypenated their last names at their marriage and all three girls at their birth too.  Her maiden name is first-his last name.  The girls are his last name but hers is also part of their birth certificate (though I have no idea which name is used to look it up if she needs copies of it or something, I've never asked that).  I don't believe their schools allowed them to use both though (the computer couldn't handle that many letters! LOL). 

The 'quick' answer, I think, would be to ask this very question when (if) you end up at a lawyers office to make the change official, the lawyer should know how to guide you. 

....ClvrScn.
by on Nov. 21, 2013 at 8:57 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you.. Bf is completely uninvolved. I have sole physical and legal custody




Quoting PumpkinSpice8:

At our school (where I work) if a child has two last names we use both names always. Their state tests have both names on them, their enrollment forms have both on it, and when referring to the child we use both names. I'm not sure how it is at other schools or medical offices but we use both.



Do you have BF's permission to change/add a name? Or isn't he in the picture??

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Still need his ok if he's on the birth cert. unless his rights are terminated
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:36 PM
When we did a name change bf had to sign. after that we got new social and birth cert. and showed them to dr and school they then changed it.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Nov. 21, 2013 at 9:40 PM
Not when you have sole legal custody. She isn't asking to remove him from the BC she is wanting to add a last name which she is legally able to do without dad.


Quoting venessaw04:

When we did a name change bf had to sign. after that we got new social and birth cert. and showed them to dr and school they then changed it.

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Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 11:38 AM

If the legal last name is first-last then first-last should be on all papers. I personally think hyphenated names are a PITA for a few reasons...

1) That's a lot to write out!

2) No one gets it right.

3) Online forms typically do not have sufficient space for a hyphenated name and/or do not allow the "-" character.  I'm talking about everything from signing up for an email address to a credit card to health insurance.  Having programmed many many many forms, I can tell you that this is a recurrent PITA issue as many databases simply can't handle it--they weren't designed to.

4)  Unless DH is going to actually adopt the child, what's the game plan should you guys split? Kid has to change his name again?  I'm not saying that WILL happen, but it seems like it could be an issue.

In general, I kind of think that changing a kid's name before they're of legal age is a bit silly.  I can understand why the kid has the hitch to do it.  He can "go by" whatever name he wants.  But to modify it all legally?  Meh, I wouldn't do it.

Keep in mind that I didn't take my husband's last name either, so I'm one of those types.  If someone wants to call me Mrs. Mr. Birdseedlastname socially, I don't worry about it.  But it's not really my name and any legal docs just have Ms. Birdseed on them.  Your son could do similar.  He could hyphenate til his heart's content everywhere BUT on legal docs if it would make him happy.

daddysgf
by and that's all on Nov. 22, 2013 at 12:27 PM

This.
BM has SS using a hyphenated last name. Legally, it's not really his last name and it's not used on formal documents but that's what she chooses to call him and uses on a regular basis. SO doesn't care.. if SS wants to change it when he's 18 - great. Otherwise, he's just using it because they like it. It works.

Quoting Birdseed:

But it's not really my name and any legal docs just have Ms. Birdseed on them.  Your son could do similar.  He could hyphenate til his heart's content everywhere BUT on legal docs if it would make him happy.


....ClvrScn.
by on Nov. 22, 2013 at 3:29 PM
The plan is for dh to legally adopt ds eventually, but even if we split and that never happened.. He would still be dad and take ods when he takes yds for parenting time...

My concern is it being a pain. Maybe I will have him wait until he is able to understand why I would rather make either name a second middle name vs 2 last names. That would show me he has the maturity to make the decision.

I firmly believe it is his name, so I would never influence him to change it. Its his, I gave it to him. However, I want to wait until he is mature enough to make the choice and accept everything that comes with it


Quoting Birdseed:

If the legal last name is first-last then first-last should be on all papers. I personally think hyphenated names are a PITA for a few reasons...

1) That's a lot to write out!

2) No one gets it right.

3) Online forms typically do not have sufficient space for a hyphenated name and/or do not allow the "-" character.  I'm talking about everything from signing up for an email address to a credit card to health insurance.  Having programmed many many many forms, I can tell you that this is a recurrent PITA issue as many databases simply can't handle it--they weren't designed to.

4)  Unless DH is going to actually adopt the child, what's the game plan should you guys split? Kid has to change his name again?  I'm not saying that WILL happen, but it seems like it could be an issue.

In general, I kind of think that changing a kid's name before they're of legal age is a bit silly.  I can understand why the kid has the hitch to do it.  He can "go by" whatever name he wants.  But to modify it all legally?  Meh, I wouldn't do it.

Keep in mind that I didn't take my husband's last name either, so I'm one of those types.  If someone wants to call me Mrs. Mr. Birdseedlastname socially, I don't worry about it.  But it's not really my name and any legal docs just have Ms. Birdseed on them.  Your son could do similar.  He could hyphenate til his heart's content everywhere BUT on legal docs if it would make him happy.


venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 3:35 PM

How will you do adoption is BF rights termanited



Quoting ....ClvrScn.:

The plan is for dh to legally adopt ds eventually, but even if we split and that never happened.. He would still be dad and take ods when he takes yds for parenting time...

My concern is it being a pain. Maybe I will have him wait until he is able to understand why I would rather make either name a second middle name vs 2 last names. That would show me he has the maturity to make the decision.

I firmly believe it is his name, so I would never influence him to change it. Its his, I gave it to him. However, I want to wait until he is mature enough to make the choice and accept everything that comes with it


Quoting Birdseed:

If the legal last name is first-last then first-last should be on all papers. I personally think hyphenated names are a PITA for a few reasons...

1) That's a lot to write out!

2) No one gets it right.

3) Online forms typically do not have sufficient space for a hyphenated name and/or do not allow the "-" character.  I'm talking about everything from signing up for an email address to a credit card to health insurance.  Having programmed many many many forms, I can tell you that this is a recurrent PITA issue as many databases simply can't handle it--they weren't designed to.

4)  Unless DH is going to actually adopt the child, what's the game plan should you guys split? Kid has to change his name again?  I'm not saying that WILL happen, but it seems like it could be an issue.

In general, I kind of think that changing a kid's name before they're of legal age is a bit silly.  I can understand why the kid has the hitch to do it.  He can "go by" whatever name he wants.  But to modify it all legally?  Meh, I wouldn't do it.

Keep in mind that I didn't take my husband's last name either, so I'm one of those types.  If someone wants to call me Mrs. Mr. Birdseedlastname socially, I don't worry about it.  But it's not really my name and any legal docs just have Ms. Birdseed on them.  Your son could do similar.  He could hyphenate til his heart's content everywhere BUT on legal docs if it would make him happy.




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