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What is blending?

Posted by on Nov. 22, 2013 at 10:15 AM
  • 38 Replies

What does the term mean to you? Is blending something different from having a stepfamily? Is the visitation schedule a factor in blending, EOWE vs the custodial home?


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by on Nov. 22, 2013 at 10:15 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 10:27 AM
4 moms liked this

Blending is the process by which stepfamilis form relationships with one another, and the dynamics begin to resemble those of an original family with regard to trust, affection, and loyalty.

soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 10:31 AM

I think this sounds good but will add it takes years to truly get from blending to blended. I think a lot of people say we are a blended family when in fact they are not even close. Dh's family is blended but it took a looooooong time to get there I would say until most of the kids including DH reaching adulthood. You don't get married and overnight become a "blended family" like you see a lot of people say.

Quoting whatIknownow:

Blending is the process by which stepfamilis form relationships with one another, and the dynamics begin to resemble those of an original family with regard to trust, affection, and loyalty.


***Briterican***


Pero3
by Silver Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 10:49 AM
1 mom liked this

Reading the latest posts on here, it seems that blending is to march into a kid's house, change whatever you don't like (which would be pretty much everything), ensure they understand that however they have been raised in the previous x years was totally wrong, oh, and expect plenty of gratitude and "your are the best mom ever"s in the course of it.

Not sure though why it doesn't happen for so many ... must be those ungrateful little sods ruining everything.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 11:11 AM

I like this description.

I've tended to think of blending in terms of when both spouses bring kids into the picture because then it really is two families merging.  I never thought of DH and I as having a blended family because it was just me.  Our LO has a nuclear family that includes two half-sibs, so I wouldn't have described his addition as blending either.


Quoting whatIknownow:

Blending is the process by which stepfamilis form relationships with one another, and the dynamics begin to resemble those of an original family with regard to trust, affection, and loyalty.


 

venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 11:14 AM

combining a family into one, to me its treating every one the same regarless of bio status.  We are a blended family the 9 of us. 

whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 11:20 AM


I have read the standard is 7 years. Relationships take time to develope.  You can't rush it. Many SMs want an insta-family and it just doesn't work that way. Everyone starts out as two families living under one roof. Some blend, some remain two separate families forever.

Quoting soonergirl980:

I think this sounds good but will add it takes years to truly get from blending to blended. I think a lot of people say we are a blended family when in fact they are not even close. Dh's family is blended but it took a looooooong time to get there I would say until most of the kids including DH reaching adulthood. You don't get married and overnight become a "blended family" like you see a lot of people say.

Quoting whatIknownow:

Blending is the process by which stepfamilis form relationships with one another, and the dynamics begin to resemble those of an original family with regard to trust, affection, and loyalty.




Birdseed
by Platinum Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 11:24 AM

I like WIKN's definition.  But I also think of a blended family more as one where there are kids coming into the situation from both of the now married BPs. I don't really think of a childless SP moving in with an established family as blending.  More like bending.  It seems to me that when there are kids on both "sides", there is more of an effort to meld traditions, rules, etc.  Whereas when the SP does not have children, there is more of a "this is how we do it, adapt" kind of mentality. 

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this

Is blended even the right word?  lol

Putting my geekness on full display, it's like the difference between a mixture and a solution.  The separate components of a mixture can be identified and separated back apart, whereas a the components of a solution are indistinguishable.  I could say my DH and his children are a solvent and me the solute.  I dissolved into their family, with the end result sharing traits of all of us.  There are clearly some situations posted on here wherein the poster says "blended", but it's definitely more of a mix... like pooling green m&ms with red m&ms.  They're all m&ms, but who's who is obvious with different properties (rules, expectations, traditions) applying to each.

Random thoughts.


Quoting whatIknownow:

 

I have read the standard is 7 years. Relationships take time to develope.  You can't rush it. Many SMs want an insta-family and it just doesn't work that way. Everyone starts out as two families living under one roof. Some blend, some remain two separate families forever.

Quoting soonergirl980:

I think this sounds good but will add it takes years to truly get from blending to blended. I think a lot of people say we are a blended family when in fact they are not even close. Dh's family is blended but it took a looooooong time to get there I would say until most of the kids including DH reaching adulthood. You don't get married and overnight become a "blended family" like you see a lot of people say.

Quoting whatIknownow:

Blending is the process by which stepfamilis form relationships with one another, and the dynamics begin to resemble those of an original family with regard to trust, affection, and loyalty.


 

 


 

malinda74
by Bronze Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 1:27 PM
2 moms liked this
Agreed...blended is probably not quite right word. Blended sounds like everything goes into blender and comes out looking like a fruit smoothie in a jiffy. I liked the term " crockpot families". Everything goes in..on low heat...over time....etc.


Quoting Derdriu:

Is blended even the right word?  lol


Putting my geekness on full display, it's like the difference between a mixture and a solution.  The separate components of a mixture can be identified and separated back apart, whereas a the components of a solution are indistinguishable.  I could say my DH and his children are a solvent and me the solute.  I dissolved into their family, with the end result sharing traits of all of us.  There are clearly some situations posted on here wherein the poster says "blended", but it's definitely more of a mix... like pooling green m&ms with red m&ms.  They're all m&ms, but who's who is obvious with different properties (rules, expectations, traditions) applying to each.


Random thoughts.




Quoting whatIknownow:


 


I have read the standard is 7 years. Relationships take time to develope.  You can't rush it. Many SMs want an insta-family and it just doesn't work that way. Everyone starts out as two families living under one roof. Some blend, some remain two separate families forever.


Quoting soonergirl980:


I think this sounds good but will add it takes years to truly get from blending to blended. I think a lot of people say we are a blended family when in fact they are not even close. Dh's family is blended but it took a looooooong time to get there I would say until most of the kids including DH reaching adulthood. You don't get married and overnight become a "blended family" like you see a lot of people say.


Quoting whatIknownow:


Blending is the process by which stepfamilis form relationships with one another, and the dynamics begin to resemble those of an original family with regard to trust, affection, and loyalty.




 


 




 


faerie75
by Platinum Member on Nov. 22, 2013 at 1:34 PM

 idk, i consider a blended family a step family. like not all the kids have the same two parents.

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