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A question for the SMs'

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 8:38 AM
  • 148 Replies

 I'm asking out of part curiosity and part observation. Do you have biological children with your dh?

ETA I should have asked another question, did you enter your current marriage with bio children from a past relationship?

by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 8:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
JTROX
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 8:38 AM

Yes.

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 8:39 AM

Yes.  Two.

Why?

whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 8:48 AM

No kids with my current DH, we each entered the marriage with 2 kids from our prior marriages.

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 8:51 AM
Yes & yes. Though to be fair, DH and I got together shortly after ODD was born...he is the only Dad she has ever known, he adopted her in Feb.

We have SS11, ODD7 & YDD2.
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 8:53 AM
We each brought in 3 my half were 6,3,1.5 & dh half were 4,2,8Mts. Now 9,7,6,5,4,3,20mts is the one we have together
KreatingMe
by Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 8:55 AM

 As we know too well from CM every one has a different opinion on what makes a good sm. I have mine and it seems to me that there are two factors that seem to make the process smoother and make for less controlling sm's. Women who enter the marriage with bio children and who don't have bio children with their sc's father.

I think women who enter the relationship with children have a more realistic idea of what to expect and as existing mothers have more compassion for their sc. They're also better able to understand children. They seem less rushed to blend everyone, not that they don't want them to blend but they don't seem to push it along at the same pace.

When they don't have bio children with their current dh there is again less pressure to blend.

I'm generalizing here and of course there are exceptions and these observations don't apply to all sm's. I wonder what the other ladies think?

Quoting AmericanDream:

Yes.  Two.

Why?

 

runinpinkshoes
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:02 AM


I don't have any bio kids. I agree with you that going into a second marriage with your own would make it easier in some respects, but I feel that way for a different reason. I don't think I needed to have my own kids in order to make me understand DH's kids. I have tons of nieces and nephews and I remember being a kid myself, so I haven't had many issues with his kids.

What has made it extremely hard for me, entering this situation with no kids, is a complete lack of experience in dealing with someone's ex. I feel like if I had also had kids - and therefore an ex husband to deal with - it would not seem so completely strange to have this other woman that's constantly around. 

Although, both DH and I have friends that are also exes, so maybe it's only weird in this case because she's not very nice and she's done a lot of strange things since DH and I married. She's not the kind of person either of us would want to be around if not forced to. So I guess that makes it very different.

Quoting KreatingMe:

 As we know too well from CM every one has a different opinion on what makes a good sm. I have mine and it seems to me that there are two factors that seem to make the process smoother and make for less controlling sm's. Women who enter the marriage with bio children and who don't have bio children with their sc's father.

I think women who enter the relationship with children have a more realistic idea of what to expect and as existing mothers have more compassion for their sc. They're also better able to understand children. They seem less rushed to blend everyone, not that they don't want them to blend but they don't seem to push it along at the same pace.

When they don't have bio children with their current dh there is again less pressure to blend.

I'm generalizing here and of course there are exceptions and these observations don't apply to all sm's. I wonder what the other ladies think?

Quoting AmericanDream:

Yes.  Two.

Why?

 



progressandjoy
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:04 AM
I did not bring any children into the marriage; DH brought SS (3 at the time, now 6). We're expecting our first now.
NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:09 AM

We each had children from previous marriages, no children together.

My DH had a visectomy about 3 years before we began dating. So I knew it wasn't something he wanted... 

Initially I felt a little saddened that we would never have one of our own. But now I am very content and thankful for how it turned out. 

I don't think its healthy to assume having a child together will help in blending the two families, because more often than not, it won't work out that way.

NTMBeth
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 10:10 AM
1 mom liked this

Holy crap! How do you have time for CM? ;) 

Quoting venessaw04:

We each brought in 3 my half were 6,3,1.5 & dh half were 4,2,8Mts. Now 9,7,6,5,4,3,20mts is the one we have together


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