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Christmas gifts between Skids

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:26 AM
  • 6 Replies

How does everybody handle gifts between  older stepkids?  We've been married 2.5 years, he has 3 kids I have 2. Past Christmases everybody has gotten everybody else a gift. Of course we have bought the gifts for the 2 still at home, to give the other siblings. My son lives 8 hours away and doesn't know DH's kids that well, nor they him. None of them needs to be spending their money on each other just because that is what you are supposed to do. They are all scraping by with one having student loans, one has babies, one a minimum wage job, and one in college and one at home. It ends up being gift card exchanges between them all really. I had to cash out one for my son because he didn't have those restaurants where he lives even. 

We could all agree they won't be buying each other gifts, but I know my son would still want to get his little sister a gift and maybe DH's kids would want to exchange with each other. I thought about asking DH whether it would be good to tell his kids to exchange with each other at BM's if they want too, but not worry about buying my kids gifts this year. Does that sound reasonable?


by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:26 AM
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Replies (1-6):
chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 12:03 PM
I usually buy my 2 bio kids a small gift to exchange with each other and it's never anything pricey. I send a gift to ex's house for their little brother, step-sister, and my former SD....all from my kids. However, it's NEVER reciprocated which is fine.

How old are your kids at home? Gifts don't have to be expensive.
stemp387
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 12:05 PM

how old are all the kids? I feel if bs wants to get sister a gift he should get something for the others that still live at home.  Think if it were the other way around. Blended families are trying to come together as one family  not seperate.

AmericanDream
by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 1:02 PM

Maybe try putting all the kids names in a hat and each one pulls out a sibling to buy for?  That way everyone gets a gift, everyone participates in the gift giving, but nobody feels pressured to spend money they don't have to buy every.single.person a gifft or guilty about leaving someone out?

Bertieb
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 3:12 PM

The youngest and only one at home full time is my 16yo daughter.

The next one up is 19, in college and splits his time between us and BM. He hasn't been home overnight since he went to college. The next up is 23, then 27, then 30 with his wife and 2 kids.

My son has only been around DH's a day or two a year during Christmas and Thanksgiving. He never lived in a house with them and none of them know each other. On the other hand, he grew up with his sister and they are all each other has. No grandparents and BD lives far away and won't be coming in this year.

The youngest two kids won't shop for the other's anyway, but DD will pick out something for her brother. She won't know what to get the others. Even the 19yo has never tried to get to know her. It will be up to me and DH to pick out and purchase the gifts. DH said he thought his oldest would be relieved not to have to worry about buying for all the siblings and I think my son would be too.

Quoting stemp387:

how old are all the kids? I feel if bs wants to get sister a gift he should get something for the others that still live at home.  Think if it were the other way around. Blended families are trying to come together as one family  not seperate.


stemp387
by Bronze Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 3:49 PM

I agree, adult kids are a different story-I was sure of the ages.


Quoting Bertieb:

The youngest and only one at home full time is my 16yo daughter.

The next one up is 19, in college and splits his time between us and BM. He hasn't been home overnight since he went to college. The next up is 23, then 27, then 30 with his wife and 2 kids.

My son has only been around DH's a day or two a year during Christmas and Thanksgiving. He never lived in a house with them and none of them know each other. On the other hand, he grew up with his sister and they are all each other has. No grandparents and BD lives far away and won't be coming in this year.

The youngest two kids won't shop for the other's anyway, but DD will pick out something for her brother. She won't know what to get the others. Even the 19yo has never tried to get to know her. It will be up to me and DH to pick out and purchase the gifts. DH said he thought his oldest would be relieved not to have to worry about buying for all the siblings and I think my son would be too.

Quoting stemp387:

how old are all the kids? I feel if bs wants to get sister a gift he should get something for the others that still live at home.  Think if it were the other way around. Blended families are trying to come together as one family  not seperate.




Spyswife
by Member on Nov. 25, 2013 at 4:22 PM

  We have the kids draw names and set a price limit, so they only buy for one sibling- it doesn't matter if it is bio or step. My ex and his wife actually do the same think with thier blended family and it works out pretty well.

As the kids are becoming adults and not necessarily even going to be here for the holidays each year, we will adapt it so that the gift exchange only happens with the siblings/step siblings who are going to be here. 

Last year, we all went to a thrift store the day before Christmas and bought white elephant gifts- it was a big hit. We laughed so hard and there was no pressure to find some perfect gift or have any stress as we don't all live near each other anymore.  The kids are all getting older and it was a fun and inexpensive way to go- again we drew names and they bought for one specific sibling.

You and DH be sure to send every kid a gift if that is what you do, but maybe keep the exchanges for those who will actually be together. If we're talking adults with kids and homes of their own- I think they should be able to opt out of obligatory gifts.

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