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Grounds for custody change?

Posted by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:31 AM
  • 19 Replies

Good morning. I've been a member here for quite some time, but previously deleted my Old screen name. This forum can get very addicting :)

anyway, some of you might remember my background.  I'm sure most wont. I have 2 bios and 4 steps. We have my kids 100% of the time, SS15 full time except every other weekend, and SDs close to half the time. SS came to live with us after his mom knocked him to the ground, broke his thumb, and bit him. SO almost went for custody of all the them at the time, but thought it would do more harm than good to take the girls from their mother. I disagreed, but supported his decision. 

Skids SF is verbally abusive (according to skids) to BM. The kids all hate him except SD8. Yesterday SD13 was home sick from school. According to SD, her mom asked her to watch their 2 week old brother while she dropped SD11 off at school. This is literally a 3 minute drive. SD13 ends up falling asleep, baby wakes up screaming but SD never wakes up from it. SF ends up coming running down the stairs screaming at SD because the baby woke HIM up! He continues to scream at SD (with the baby in his arms) as she walks up the stairs to her room and tells her she's useless. BM didn't come back til 2 hours later, so Im assuming she thought it was ok to leave her sick 13 year old home for that long to take care of a newborn while his father slept upstairs. The kids are all terrified to wake SF...he works nights and has "flipped out" on them multiple times for waking him up. I'm not sure if she told BM what happened. 

Needless to say, SO is regretting his decision to not call cps when everything happened with stepson.  Being that I don't want to say "I told you so" to him, what other advice do you ladies have? Is this even grounds for a custody change? He wants his kids away from SF before he starts verbally abusing them too. He doesn't want SFs mean words to affect the kind of women his daughters turn in to. But I don't know if these things can even be proved...what can my SO do?and what can I do to support him? 

by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:31 AM
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Replies (1-10):
whatIknownow
by Emerald Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:45 AM

I think an abusive stepparent, or a stepparent that creates a hostile environment for the child, is grounds for a custody change.

your boyfriend should speak to a lawyer and find out what kind of documentation would be accepted to support that case.

Keep in mind that as a resolution, the mom may ask the SF to move out in lieu of a custody change. I certainly would hope that she would do that.

chasinrainbows
by Gold Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:46 AM
I remember your story. Have you researched grounds for custody change in your state? Start there. If it were ME, I would hire an attorney and start the process. The court will appoint a Guardian Ad Ileum for the kids. I guess it will depend on how much BM wants to fight y'all. Can she afford to fight? Will SF want to fight? Home evaluations will be done in both homes. The Guardian will talk to EVERYONE including teachers and of course the kids.
malibucj
by on Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:47 AM

My soon to be ex is verbally abusive to our 8 year old son. My attorney said that while it was bad parenting, it wasn't grounds to take away visitations. UNLESS it was effects his school grades.

stemp387
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 11:50 AM
1 mom liked this

I would probably get the facts from someone other than the kids-kids dramatize and tell us what we want to hear.  It's basically none of your business what goes on in bm's house unless child abuse is suspected.  Again, I would really try to hear another side of the stories.  

Leigh84
by Silver Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 12:16 PM
That's pretty much the reason why my DH has custody of his older kids. SF was abusive to OSS. DH confronted BM about the issue and she willingly agreed to sign custody over to DH to avoid the police and cps being called. Now, I look back on it DH should of called anyway just so everything was documented but either way he took his kids out of an abusive situation.

I think your DH should talk to a lawyer to see what kind of documentation would be needed. A lot of them do free consultations
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Nov. 23, 2013 at 1:42 PM
Maybe you didn't read bm knocked ss down and bit him that's from bm. yes kids lie at times but when they are all saying it its probably true. People may not see or hear what goes on in bm house. being emotionally /verbally /physically abusive is all the same

OP if he files for a chamge the worst that can happened is the judge say now. best of luck some people really shouldn't be around or have kids.


Quoting stemp387:

I would probably get the facts from someone other than the kids-kids dramatize and tell us what we want to hear.  It's basically none of your business what goes on in bm's house unless child abuse is suspected.  Again, I would really try to hear another side of the stories.  


DDDaysh
by on Nov. 24, 2013 at 2:14 PM

Unfortunately, being "yelled at" isn't going to mean much in court. 

Without the documentation of the previous abuse, I don't see a whole lot here that would stand up in court. 


HalfDozenKids06
by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:31 AM


She wouldnt do this. They have a newborn.

SO asked her to stay in the house they lived in together (which he owned), but she decided to move into her SO's house instead. Which is her right to do, but if they broke up she wouldnt have anywhere to go. 

I should add though, that SO doesnt want to take his girls from their Mom...he just doesnt want them in the environment that SF sets. So if BM did something to fix that kind of environment, SO wouldnt try to get full custody of them.

Quoting whatIknownow:

I think an abusive stepparent, or a stepparent that creates a hostile environment for the child, is grounds for a custody change.

your boyfriend should speak to a lawyer and find out what kind of documentation would be accepted to support that case.

Keep in mind that as a resolution, the mom may ask the SF to move out in lieu of a custody change. I certainly would hope that she would do that.



HalfDozenKids06
by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:34 AM

Thats what I was thinking too. SD13 gave all this info to SO's 21 year old niece. But SD wont admit to SO that SF called her useless. So, there isnt much SO can do. He doesnt believe her, she is the kid who always tried to keep the peace and she was just venting to her cousin.


Quoting DDDaysh:

Unfortunately, being "yelled at" isn't going to mean much in court. 

Without the documentation of the previous abuse, I don't see a whole lot here that would stand up in court. 




HalfDozenKids06
by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:37 AM

SD told her cousin (21 years old). This is the person she goes to to vent about life. When this cousin finds that something should be mentioned, she lets SO know.

SD doesnt like to dramatize. When something happens, she's the one who tried to fix it. And when she does bring up something, it has ALWAYS been confirmed by BM. 

Quoting stemp387:

I would probably get the facts from someone other than the kids-kids dramatize and tell us what we want to hear.  It's basically none of your business what goes on in bm's house unless child abuse is suspected.  Again, I would really try to hear another side of the stories.  



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