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Doesn't want a SP at an event - be it birthday, wedding, graduation, etc, is it "tough luck, kid" or should their wishes be respected?

Is the respect contingent upon whether or not the SP agrees with the kids reason?

Ex: Graduation.  Only a certain number of tickets available.  Kid makes it clear that they are for dad, mom, siblings only.  Is this an issue for the parent to fight - SP over sibling - or do wishes get respected?

Sweet 16, SK doesn't want a SP there because they know parent and SP do not get along and since this is a biggish party (*hypothetically) the parents went in together on it.  SM and mom, for example, are unable to hide their disdain of one another, so to keep things less tense the kid says only parents, no SPs.

Add your own scenarios if you like.

by on Nov. 26, 2013 at 10:24 PM
Replies (11-20):
luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 11:09 PM
In your case it would be perfectly reasonable for ss to not want you at any event, given that you regard him as a stray dog your dh can't get rid of.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

How can there be family harmony if a member of the family is being excluded? If SS specifically excluded me, DH would not attend his special event, however if the exclusion is done to appease BM, then DH would go alone.

Quoting amanda_mom89:

I would think any decent/mature person would understand the family dynamics and would not want to be somewhere they weren't wanted or would cause conflict.



But. I've been in this group for 2 years now and I know better. There are plenty of people who would put their need to be included over family harmony.



I'm sure it doesn't feel nice to not be included. I'm not saying that. But a reasonable person wouldn't try to butt in anyway, IMO.



leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 11:14 PM

Lol, you must be talking about some family situation of yours as obviously you wouldn't know anything about mine, for your information SS and I have a very respectful relationship and he is always happy to visit my home.

Quoting luckystars2012:

In your case it would be perfectly reasonable for ss to not want you at any event, given that you regard him as a stray dog your dh can't get rid of.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

How can there be family harmony if a member of the family is being excluded? If SS specifically excluded me, DH would not attend his special event, however if the exclusion is done to appease BM, then DH would go alone.

Quoting amanda_mom89:

I would think any decent/mature person would understand the family dynamics and would not want to be somewhere they weren't wanted or would cause conflict.



But. I've been in this group for 2 years now and I know better. There are plenty of people who would put their need to be included over family harmony.



I'm sure it doesn't feel nice to not be included. I'm not saying that. But a reasonable person wouldn't try to butt in anyway, IMO.




Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

honey27
by on Nov. 26, 2013 at 11:19 PM
I always feel and put biological parents feelings first and the child's feelings are important also. Step parents feelings in these cases shouldnt really matter.jmo
OregonMom80
by on Nov. 26, 2013 at 11:22 PM

If there was a limit to tickets, I would never pull rank over a sibling.

Other holidays will never be an issue because DH would never agree to go if BM was there and I wouldn't be.  If DSS wanted to host a holiday in his home, either we're both invited or DH would skip it too.  He's not one to go and play happy family, but that's all on him.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Nov. 26, 2013 at 11:30 PM

In my graduation ticket experience, my wishes were NOT respected. My mom mailed two tickets to my BD and SM against my wishes. It seemed kinda pointless to me to have someone there who had nothing at all to do with my life. But, my mom felt it was the right thing to do.

I wouldn't have minded my SM coming if she had left my BD at home.

Quoting momof2ex1:

I had the graduation ticket problem. My wishes were respected however, I never lived it down and was not welcome in their home any more.



hissminenours
by Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 12:29 AM
I may be sad but I would respect ss's wishes.
macbudsmom
by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 12:36 AM
Its the child's event. They should be able to have a say in their guest list. Hopefully everyone would be respectful.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 12:47 AM
Lmao except he is only allowed as a guest of his father in rarcircumstances, most visitation is spent at your mils oelsewherere, he is not allowed to be considered a sibling to your children, or anything other than some stray your dh has to deal with.



Quoting leegirl_jm:

Lol, you must be talking about some family situation of yours as obviously you wouldn't know anything about mine, for your information SS and I have a very respectful relationship and he is always happy to visit my home.

Quoting luckystars2012:

In your case it would be perfectly reasonable for ss to not want you at any event, given that you regard him as a stray dog your dh can't get rid of.





Quoting leegirl_jm:

How can there be family harmony if a member of the family is being excluded? If SS specifically excluded me, DH would not attend his special event, however if the exclusion is done to appease BM, then DH would go alone.

Quoting amanda_mom89:

I would think any decent/mature person would understand the family dynamics and would not want to be somewhere they weren't wanted or would cause conflict.





But. I've been in this group for 2 years now and I know better. There are plenty of people who would put their need to be included over family harmony.





I'm sure it doesn't feel nice to not be included. I'm not saying that. But a reasonable person wouldn't try to butt in anyway, IMO.






leegirl_jm
by Ruby Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 4:52 AM
1 mom liked this

I have no idea what you are talking about, I am not overstepping and I am infact supporting the father and child relationship. Isn't SM and their children stepping back the ideal that is advocated here for the NCP home?

Quoting luckystars2012:

Lmao except he is only allowed as a guest of his father in rarcircumstances, most visitation is spent at your mils oelsewherere, he is not allowed to be considered a sibling to your children, or anything other than some stray your dh has to deal with.





Quoting leegirl_jm:

Lol, you must be talking about some family situation of yours as obviously you wouldn't know anything about mine, for your information SS and I have a very respectful relationship and he is always happy to visit my home.

Quoting luckystars2012:

In your case it would be perfectly reasonable for ss to not want you at any event, given that you regard him as a stray dog your dh can't get rid of.








Quoting leegirl_jm:

How can there be family harmony if a member of the family is being excluded? If SS specifically excluded me, DH would not attend his special event, however if the exclusion is done to appease BM, then DH would go alone.

Quoting amanda_mom89:

I would think any decent/mature person would understand the family dynamics and would not want to be somewhere they weren't wanted or would cause conflict.







But. I've been in this group for 2 years now and I know better. There are plenty of people who would put their need to be included over family harmony.







I'm sure it doesn't feel nice to not be included. I'm not saying that. But a reasonable person wouldn't try to butt in anyway, IMO.








Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 5:49 AM

clapping

Quoting luckystars2012:

In your case it would be perfectly reasonable for ss to not want you at any event, given that you regard him as a stray dog your dh can't get rid of.


Quoting leegirl_jm:

How can there be family harmony if a member of the family is being excluded? If SS specifically excluded me, DH would not attend his special event, however if the exclusion is done to appease BM, then DH would go alone.

Quoting amanda_mom89:

I would think any decent/mature person would understand the family dynamics and would not want to be somewhere they weren't wanted or would cause conflict.



But. I've been in this group for 2 years now and I know better. There are plenty of people who would put their need to be included over family harmony.



I'm sure it doesn't feel nice to not be included. I'm not saying that. But a reasonable person wouldn't try to butt in anyway, IMO.




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