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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

Doesn't want a SP at an event - be it birthday, wedding, graduation, etc, is it "tough luck, kid" or should their wishes be respected?

Is the respect contingent upon whether or not the SP agrees with the kids reason?

Ex: Graduation.  Only a certain number of tickets available.  Kid makes it clear that they are for dad, mom, siblings only.  Is this an issue for the parent to fight - SP over sibling - or do wishes get respected?

Sweet 16, SK doesn't want a SP there because they know parent and SP do not get along and since this is a biggish party (*hypothetically) the parents went in together on it.  SM and mom, for example, are unable to hide their disdain of one another, so to keep things less tense the kid says only parents, no SPs.

Add your own scenarios if you like.

by on Nov. 26, 2013 at 10:24 PM
Replies (31-40):
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:22 AM
So because the child states that they would like to have it just be their parents to participate the parents can withhold the funds because they don't like the guest list?


Quoting HopesNDreams:

I think it is reasonable for the child to request that the stepparent not be included. However, it is also reasonable that the child expect the the household that that stepparent lives in not contribute financially to the event.



There are so many different scenarios that there really cannot be a one size fits all. In the case of graduation tickets, bio parents and grandparents come first, followed by high school aged bio sibling, then CSP, then NCSP - but there could be a godparent or special aunt or uncle that takes precedence. Each family is unique. I do think it takes a special kind of spoiled brat to tell mom/dad that their spouse can't come, but they expect a party to be paid for by that household. You do not disrespect your parent in one breath while demanding money in the next, if you have to spare the other parent's feelings by excluding someone, the other parent had better be stepping up to pay for the party.



Weddings are another difficult situation. If the remarriage or significant relationship has been going on for more than five years (or longer than the bride and groom have been together), I think the stepparent should be invited. Again, if the step is not going to be included, neither should that bio parent's wallet. I do think if the issue is the parents all getting along, they need to suck it up for their child's sake.



I was in a wedding years ago where the bride's parents had a horrible divorce twenty years earlier. Dad was remarried (ten years later). Every detail was argued over - who got table #1? Whose name was listed first on the invitation? (Mom had separate invitations printed for her guests when she lost that fight) Who would see the dress first? Who would see her practice hair appointment? Who would pick the menu? Etc, etc, etc. Dad had more money: he paid for it, so if he didn't get his was, he just refused to write a check. The bride was covered in hives the week before the wedding. At the wedding, mom and dad forgot all their fights and sat with their arms around each other and cried throughout the entire thing. They have been friendly for the twenty years since. As a side note, the only time the bride pur her foot down was saying 'no' to her mother bringing her married boyfriend to the wedding - that set her over the edge!

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:25 AM



Quoting Amani105:

Honestly ask your ex what he would think.
Why would I do that?

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:28 AM



Quoting HopesNDreams:

I think it is reasonable for the child to request that the stepparent not be included. However, it is also reasonable that the child expect the the household that that stepparent lives in not contribute financially to the event.
It's about money to some SPs? Like they get to buy their way to an event or whatever is going on?  - You pay you go, you don't go, the "household" doesn't contribute?  What about if dad wants to help his child out, regardless of the fact that the child doesn't want SM there?  
stemp387
by Bronze Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this

I think the skid is being selfish and immature and needs to be a bit more respectful

packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:31 AM



Quoting Graceplustwo:

I think in those examples are understandable situations where the sp should respect the kids wishes. both of your examples are for a teen.skid. with younger children im not sure ..... I don't have any probs with skids mom so I.don't have to worry about that stuff


When my son was about 8 he invited his father to a sporting event and requested that his SM not come to it.  Or her kids.  He was very specific in that request.  He had his reasons.  SM didn't come, dad did.  I think being younger isn't a good reason to ignore a child's request.

My daughter has asked that her own father not be invited to her sporting events.  She wants him to make the effort and not be told everything.  She has played ball for years and feels it is his job to show up and be involved, not hers to tell him and invite him to things.  He's the father, the parent, the adult, not her.  He knows she plays, he needs to act on that according to her.  She's 12.


jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:35 AM

Do intact families allow kids to decide that someone in their extended family shouldn't be invited to an event? Or is it considered rude to exclude the grandma you don't like or an uncle who annoys you?

 

terpmama
by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:36 AM
I think confined spaces or limited ticket type things should definitely be up to kiddo (as there are simply a limited number and not a "I don't like you" type of thing).

I think outdoor or places that are larger and have the ability to avoid others then everyone should be invited (like sporting events...)
terpmama
by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:39 AM
In the op situations... Yes. If there are only 3 tickets then grandma doesn't go to graduation... My grandmother was not invited to my wedding.


Quoting jlg12678:

Do intact families allow kids to decide that someone in their extended family shouldn't be invited to an event? Or is it considered rude to exclude the grandma you don't like or an uncle who annoys you?


 


Graceplustwo
by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 9:40 AM
ya that is true. I would never go anywhere I was not wanted


Quoting packermom4ever:




Quoting Graceplustwo:

I think in those examples are understandable situations where the sp should respect the kids wishes. both of your examples are for a teen.skid. with younger children im not sure ..... I don't have any probs with skids mom so I.don't have to worry about that stuff



When my son was about 8 he invited his father to a sporting event and requested that his SM not come to it.  Or her kids.  He was very specific in that request.  He had his reasons.  SM didn't come, dad did.  I think being younger isn't a good reason to ignore a child's request.

My daughter has asked that her own father not be invited to her sporting events.  She wants him to make the effort and not be told everything.  She has played ball for years and feels it is his job to show up and be involved, not hers to tell him and invite him to things.  He's the father, the parent, the adult, not her.  He knows she plays, he needs to act on that according to her.  She's 12.



soonergirl980
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:46 AM

Well in this group including a recent post of mine many posters believe it's ok to exclude stepkids out of major life events of the parents.

Quoting jlg12678:

Do intact families allow kids to decide that someone in their extended family shouldn't be invited to an event? Or is it considered rude to exclude the grandma you don't like or an uncle who annoys you?



***Briterican***


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