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bm told SD

Posted by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:21 AM
  • 22 Replies

our holidays were not set. and that BM let DH get SD. My answer was they are set and it's in our court order signed by a judge do you want to see? SD is almost 13. we've had the same holidays since she was 5. I just do not understand why BM would say it. 

any suggestions? should i ask BM or just leave it alone. SD knows that she lied. 

Kasi Lynn, Calvin David, & Lilith Jade's Mommy
The Work will wait while you show the child the RAINBOW, but the rainbow won't wait while you do your work.

by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:21 AM
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Replies (1-10):
zannahdeux
by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:23 AM

Say nothing let dh handle it. Don't get in the middle. Deep breath

WifeyC
by Platinum Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:23 AM

I'm confused.  Mom is letting Dad have his daughter and Dad doesn't want her?

baparrot2
by Platinum Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:27 AM

the 13 year old told you this? Dont you ladies realize just how much kids screw things up that were said or even NOT said? How do you KNOW for a fact BM told SD this?

cLanief
by on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:28 AM
Leave it alone! Iys not an issue to make any sort of fuss over.
AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:33 AM
1 mom liked this
I wouldn't even bring the court order up to SD. A simple 'don't worry about it, sweetie, everything is in order' would be the most I'd say. SD will see what is going to happen and who told the truth. It will all work out without burdening the child with stuff she shouldn't have to worry about in the first place. Besides, sometimes kids (teens and adults as well) will not repeat what was actually said but how they interpret it. If the court order says otherwise, there's no need to get all worked up about it.
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:38 AM
2 moms liked this

No kidding.

Kids manipulate shit all the time.  Unless it comes directly from the source I usually take it with a grain of salt.


Quoting baparrot2:

the 13 year old told you this? Dont you ladies realize just how much kids screw things up that were said or even NOT said? How do you KNOW for a fact BM told SD this?


 

KnowItAll
by Silver Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:47 AM
1 mom liked this
I would never show a child the court order. It's not appropriate.
jlg12678
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:57 AM

To add to this...

This summer osd told my dh that bm said she could spend the weekend with his parents. My dh said "ok" as long as it was cleared through bm as it was her weekend.

Bm called our home and I answered because I knew what it was about.  Bm asked if it was true that osd was going on a "Dad/Daughter" weekend vacation the upcoming weekend. Bm was fine if that was the case but if it wasn't, she would keep osd home.

Long story short, osd was pulling shit.  She still tries this. My dh will no longer agree to anything unless he receives an email from bm about it first.

Derdriu
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 11:03 AM

I think it's fine to explain to a kid that age that the dates are in the CO.  Showing the CO though... I wouldn't go that far.  It's sufficient to say a judge decided who gets what, and that's how the holiday will be scheduled unless BM and BD agree to a different arrangement with one another.  Overall, this is a subject to be addressed casually in passing when it comes up and NOT harped on.  You don't need to pester BM about what she says.  It's more beneficial to give her a gentle out that saves face in front of the kid than to opportunistically jump on her for lying.

DH and I have both had these types of conversations with the SKs, but the issue we deal with is BM telling the kids they can decide where to live and pressuring them to make a choice.  Neither have ever seen the CO, but they are aware that who they live with was decided by a judge, not by BM or DH and not to be changed on a whim by the SKs.  We steer clear of the good guy / bad guy stuff or painting either BM or DH as the decision maker.  A judge wrote the rules, and that's that.

Leigh84
by Gold Member on Nov. 27, 2013 at 11:13 AM
Leave it alone, if you and DH know it's in the co that's all that matters. If BM want to think she "lets" DH have sd on holidays o well. It's not appropriate to show sd the co she is a child and shouldn't be bothered w/adult things
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