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SDs live with BM & I rarely see them. Should i try to be involved?

Posted by on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:43 PM
  • 42 Replies
I need advice. I have 3 SDs that seem as though they want nothing to do with me & they only contact their father when they need money or work done on their car. My husband is ok with how things are and says that I shouldnt let it bother me. The SDs ages are 18,19,& 21. Am I over reacting to think that I should be important in their lives? Or should I just keep myself distant to them as they are to me? Anyone else that is in this situation, please talk to me. I feel so lost, even when I have reached out to them.
by on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:43 PM
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Replies (1-10):
LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:49 PM
1 mom liked this
How long have you been married? Why do you think you should be important? What us the problem with your SDs contacting their father directly?
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:52 PM
2 moms liked this

Why would you want to force yourself on adults that clearly don't want a relationship with you? 

grniiii
by on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:56 PM
Dacember 12 will be our one year anniversary. We dated three years prior. I always felt like a stepmom should be part of her SD's life. Maybe I'm being selfish by wanting some sort of relationship with them. That's the problem, I'm not sure if I should continue to try and be close to them or to let go. I honestly don't have a problem with them contacting their father directly. I just want them to have more of a relationship with him than 'just when they need something'. Am I wrong?
grniiii
by on Nov. 30, 2013 at 5:58 PM
I'm new at being a SM to young adults and have no idea how I am suppose to be.
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 6:02 PM
2 moms liked this


If he's fine with the type of relationship then yea you're wrong... Your new to these girls lives I would suggest backing out and letting their relationship with their father be. 

Quoting grniiii:

Dacember 12 will be our one year anniversary. We dated three years prior. I always felt like a stepmom should be part of her SD's life. Maybe I'm being selfish by wanting some sort of relationship with them. That's the problem, I'm not sure if I should continue to try and be close to them or to let go. I honestly don't have a problem with them contacting their father directly. I just want them to have more of a relationship with him than 'just when they need something'. Am I wrong?



grniiii
by on Nov. 30, 2013 at 6:05 PM
Thank you amantonacci
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Nov. 30, 2013 at 6:21 PM
1 mom liked this


Your welcome. If you hit the quote button on the bottom of the reply you can reply directly to the person who's reply your answering! 

Quoting grniiii:

Thank you amantonacci



grniiii
by on Nov. 30, 2013 at 6:40 PM
Ok. I didnt know that.this is my first time on here. Thank you.


Quoting amantonacci:


Your welcome. If you hit the quote button on the bottom of the reply you can reply directly to the person who's reply your answering! 


Quoting grniiii:

Thank you amantonacci





grniiii
by on Nov. 30, 2013 at 6:44 PM
I am new to this and just now realized that I should have clicked 'quote' to answer you directly when I already answered you in the thread. Sorry. If you cant find it, I will re type if need to


Quoting LyndaLoo78:

How long have you been married? Why do you think you should be important? What us the problem with your SDs contacting their father directly?

LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Nov. 30, 2013 at 6:49 PM
This.

These "kids" are adults, they will determine your importance over time. You are relatively new, just give it time. Do not be pushy or intrusive, but friendly, and accept that your DH is okay with the tenor of the relationship he gas with his kids as it stands.


Quoting amantonacci:


If he's fine with the type of relationship then yea you're wrong... Your new to these girls lives I would suggest backing out and letting their relationship with their father be. 


Quoting grniiii:

Dacember 12 will be our one year anniversary. We dated three years prior. I always felt like a stepmom should be part of her SD's life. Maybe I'm being selfish by wanting some sort of relationship with them. That's the problem, I'm not sure if I should continue to try and be close to them or to let go. I honestly don't have a problem with them contacting their father directly. I just want them to have more of a relationship with him than 'just when they need something'. Am I wrong?




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