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Holiday DREADS!!

Posted by on Dec. 1, 2013 at 10:42 PM
  • 52 Replies

Would I be the only one to say that I almost dread being a SM around the Holidays. The only reason I say almost is because I know their attitudes can change from lovable to hateful pending on the day. Now before it gets heated, I'm only saying this cause the Skids are actually in the stages of young teen years, and I realize that it could be them just being teens. But my caring and love does not change being a SM to them. When I married DH I made a vow to them as well, at the alter, that I would love their dad unconditionally and I vowed to guide them, love, and care for them. I still hold to that, but I will not say it has been easy to be the one that gets taken for granted and I work my butt off to get them Christmas Presents and gifts for the holidays. I came in when ethics and morals should have been already established but I am thinking it was by passed. Then I give myself a good cry and just deal with it..But it does anger me cause I wont get so much as a Thank You or anything. Whether it be their Father or Me they will not show gratitude for anything hardly. If I get a Thank You I stop in my tracks and just want to cry cause it never happens hardly ever. Yes, DH has admitted he has failed in that area and he also says BM has too. Not sure this is a venting rant or if I want to hear I am not the only one. As a SM I do all I can to think and do the " It's never too late" method and so does DH. I also realize I will get some moms to say let your DH handle them. Some, maybe most areas I let that ring true. What is your take on this? Please I am not looking for confrontation I just would like to hear points of views or even stories, or even advice if you have to make things better

by on Dec. 1, 2013 at 10:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
malinda74
by Bronze Member on Dec. 1, 2013 at 10:46 PM
1 mom liked this
Sorry to hear. My bios and skids say thank you so I'm at a loss.
mistyann00
by Member on Dec. 1, 2013 at 10:46 PM
Thanks anyway malinda74!
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 1, 2013 at 10:47 PM
3 moms liked this
I don't think it's ever too late to teach kids. Just keep up with showing them how they should behave - they'll model you eventually.

I don't think it's just a stepparent thing to feel this way because I too feel this way as a mom sometimes. This is a teenager thing.
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mistyann00
by Member on Dec. 1, 2013 at 11:00 PM
I would like to shed some light on another aspect of the Holidays and see what everyone's take on that as well is.
It's seems more around the Holidays the skids enjoy more of what their mom gets them rather then what their dad and I get them. Maybe it could be perceived the same way when they are at their moms. Do you think they understand down playing at that age? Ex: if they go to moms and are like dad got us this and that.. etc to make their mom feel bad and vice versa towards their dad? Or do they really feel one is better than the other? I know when they are with us, and they are with us all the time practically due to circumstances, DH has primary custody, that they don't act like they care to even get presents from us or even be around us. Just our perception.
mistyann00
by Member on Dec. 1, 2013 at 11:02 PM
My take is Holidays suck for them cause their family is broken and don't like Holidays due to that..??
venessaw04
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:33 AM
1 mom liked this
We have raised our kids to always say please and thank you its how we were raised. Maybe dh needs to have them show respect with thank you.
mistyann00
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:47 AM
DH has been trying but harder since they are older.
momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:54 AM
1 mom liked this
How long have their parents been divorced? Has custody changed recently? Anything going on specifically that could lead to them feeling down during the holidays?

I don't think holidays suck for kids who have parents that are divorced. We also don't see it as a broken family. We see it as two families. I've never noticed that my daughter is down or has a hard time because her father and I are divorced. She gets equal time with us during holidays and I think she's pretty happy.


Quoting mistyann00:

My take is Holidays suck for them cause their family is broken and don't like Holidays due to that..??

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HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 5:42 AM
1 mom liked this
For my SD, the holidays seem to stress everything that is broken about her life. This is then blamed on me. Since none of it is even remotely my fault, I do not spend time trying to figure out how to deal with out - I try to avoid it. This will be the first year we are in different homes for the holidays and it will be easier for all of us.

The only person SD wants at the holidays is her dad. He is not involved in gift buying at all and would just get her a single gift card if it were up to him. Truly, she wants to unwrap lots of cutsy teen things and feel spoiled and special! Just not if they are from me. So, this year, instead of adopting an angel tree child at the kids' school, I am adopting SD. I am pretending this is a complete stranger so that she gets a nice Christmas instead of a single card. It will all be signed from DH. I will never be thanked. However, this year, my Christmas morning will not be overshadowed by her behaviors either. They will also not be further wrecked by my DD reacting to SD's behaviors or DH yelling at DD reacting to SD.... It goes on and on.

I feel sad for SD. Her life is just a confusing mess and she has shoved away every stable person with both hands. She has thoroughly destroyed the trust in those relationships, so there is no going back. However, I will still but anonymous Christmas presents - I just don't want to be there for them.
malinda74
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:09 AM
1 mom liked this
I was thinking the same. When I was a child I honestly didn't give this much thought. We saw it as ; woo hoo, two Christmas's. Score.


Quoting momof2ex1:

How long have their parents been divorced? Has custody changed recently? Anything going on specifically that could lead to them feeling down during the holidays?



I don't think holidays suck for kids who have parents that are divorced. We also don't see it as a broken family. We see it as two families. I've never noticed that my daughter is down or has a hard time because her father and I are divorced. She gets equal time with us during holidays and I think she's pretty happy.




Quoting mistyann00:

My take is Holidays suck for them cause their family is broken and don't like Holidays due to that..??


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