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Would I be the only one to say that I almost dread being a SM around the Holidays. The only reason I say almost is because I know their attitudes can change from lovable to hateful pending on the day. Now before it gets heated, I'm only saying this cause the Skids are actually in the stages of young teen years, and I realize that it could be them just being teens. But my caring and love does not change being a SM to them. When I married DH I made a vow to them as well, at the alter, that I would love their dad unconditionally and I vowed to guide them, love, and care for them. I still hold to that, but I will not say it has been easy to be the one that gets taken for granted and I work my butt off to get them Christmas Presents and gifts for the holidays. I came in when ethics and morals should have been already established but I am thinking it was by passed. Then I give myself a good cry and just deal with it..But it does anger me cause I wont get so much as a Thank You or anything. Whether it be their Father or Me they will not show gratitude for anything hardly. If I get a Thank You I stop in my tracks and just want to cry cause it never happens hardly ever. Yes, DH has admitted he has failed in that area and he also says BM has too. Not sure this is a venting rant or if I want to hear I am not the only one. As a SM I do all I can to think and do the " It's never too late" method and so does DH. I also realize I will get some moms to say let your DH handle them. Some, maybe most areas I let that ring true. What is your take on this? Please I am not looking for confrontation I just would like to hear points of views or even stories, or even advice if you have to make things better

by on Dec. 1, 2013 at 10:42 PM
Replies (21-30):
mistyann00
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:09 PM

Thats Awesome, They talk freely at our homestead about BM and it doesn't bother us, cause we want them to feel comfortable enough to do so, I know they are not able to talk freely at BMs homestead about us, which I think would help if they were able to. They are afraid if they do it will make BM mad so they don't talk about us. I was told this one day out of nowhere. I do think it makes transitions easier on the skids. The whole Random Acts of Kindness, the oldest I know would not go for it he so much as wanted to write a paper of how stupid it was to volunteer in your community. He thinks its a waste of time, and his time can be used better by going to work or playing Xbox and etc..The youngest however would probably go for it.

Quoting momof2cuteboys:

I think that it is never too late to teach gratitude.  The best way to do this is Random Acts of Kindness with the kids.  Or work in the local soup kitchen for the homeless.  Get them doing some communtiy service.  Gratitude isn't something they just learn on their own.  It has to be experienced.  

Now as a COD I had holidays that stressed me out.  My dad would pick me up late.. then drop us off at a relatives house.  It was rare that he had actual presents for us.  One time he left us in the car while he went and bought something at Macy's.  I was pretty young and it was freezing and it freaked me out. 

But my son loves that he has two families.  He gets a ton of presents. LOL And yes he comes home and tells me what he got at his dad's.  It doesn't bother me at all.  He isn't doing it to say my dad got me better.  He is doing it because it was something important that he wanted to share.  When he was really little he didn't like going to his dad's house.  So when he got home I asked him what he did that was fun.  And he would tell me.  Then the next time it was time to go I would say but remember all the fun things you get to do with Daddy and list them for him.  He still tells me about his time at his dad's.  Not everything of course which is totally fine. But I'm glad he feels comfortable enough to do so.


mistyann00
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:12 PM
1 mom liked this

I had to laugh when I seen this..thanks for the smile and chuckle...

See I am a Thanksgiving(Eating is too GOOD) person and Halloween person.. ; )

Quoting sandeeyo:

When I saw "Holiday DREADS", I immediately thought that someone's step kid came home with dreadlocks and Christmas ornaments hanging off the ends.

That aside, I have really never liked the Christmas holiday.  I can totally get behind Thanksgiving because I love to cook and, HELLO EATING!!!!!


mistyann00
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:13 PM

I agree, I couldn't live with myself saying such a thing to a child.

Quoting malinda74: That stinks...I can't believe SM thought it was her place to tell your child there's no Santa! I would have had words too. I was fortunate that my parents were amiable. Mom took every Christmas eve and dad took Christmas day. I think it also helped that dad and SM had no child together. It cut the jealousy factor for me as a child. SM was always low key with us.

Quoting packermom4ever:




Quoting malinda74:

I was thinking the same. When I was a child I honestly didn't give this much thought. We saw it as ; woo hoo, two Christmas's. Score.





We're opposite in this house  My kids used to want to split the day (like we did for the first two years) of each holiday.  Dad's parents got involved and after that it was his year, my year (we lived and live five minutes apart and even phone calls weren't always allowed on that end).  One year he told me he had no tree or decorations, so I offered to go half on the tree and gave him some of our ornaments - no go.  And the Christmas that my (now 10) year old was six my ex dropped them off very late, said he couldn't help that SMs family party was so late (we have a court order and he wasn't answering his phone), and right before the kids came in the house she told him that Santa wasn't real - on Christmas eve,  He was upset.  Words were had.
Before all of that we'd spend time decorating and baking and all that jazz and the magic was there.  After a while of having to miss out on half the holidays with both parents my kids have very little interest in any holiday.  I just had to beg them yesterday to help decorate the tree.  They turned off the holiday music.  They were more interested in getting done as fast as possible because they had so little interest in it.  Same as me... I lost out of half the holidays for a few years - it's hard to get the festive feeling back for me, especially when I see they aren't all that interested anymore.


mistyann00
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:29 PM

You all have been very helpful and want to THANK YOU! It always helps to get things like this out when its eating at you on the inside!

momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:33 PM
1 mom liked this
Oh wow. You have such a big heart which has been trampled on. I admire your strength. Where are you staying for the holidays?

Quoting HopesNDreams: For my SD, the holidays seem to stress everything that is broken about her life. This is then blamed on me. Since none of it is even remotely my fault, I do not spend time trying to figure out how to deal with out - I try to avoid it. This will be the first year we are in different homes for the holidays and it will be easier for all of us.



The only person SD wants at the holidays is her dad. He is not involved in gift buying at all and would just get her a single gift card if it were up to him. Truly, she wants to unwrap lots of cutsy teen things and feel spoiled and special! Just not if they are from me. So, this year, instead of adopting an angel tree child at the kids' school, I am adopting SD. I am pretending this is a complete stranger so that she gets a nice Christmas instead of a single card. It will all be signed from DH. I will never be thanked. However, this year, my Christmas morning will not be overshadowed by her behaviors either. They will also not be further wrecked by my DD reacting to SD's behaviors or DH yelling at DD reacting to SD.... It goes on and on.



I feel sad for SD. Her life is just a confusing mess and she has shoved away every stable person with both hands. She has thoroughly destroyed the trust in those relationships, so there is no going back. However, I will still but anonymous Christmas presents - I just don't want to be there for them.
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momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:34 PM
I love Halloween. My parents have always thought there was a deeper meaning lol

Quoting mistyann00:

I had to laugh when I seen this..thanks for the smile and chuckle...

See I am a Thanksgiving(Eating is too GOOD) person and Halloween person.. ; )

Quoting sandeeyo:

When I saw "Holiday DREADS", I immediately thought that someone's step kid came home with dreadlocks and Christmas ornaments hanging off the ends.


That aside, I have really never liked the Christmas holiday.  I can totally get behind Thanksgiving because I love to cook and, HELLO EATING!!!!!


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LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:40 PM
1 mom liked this

Holy hell - I keep seeing the title to this thread and visualizing a Jamiacan with dreads in a fucking Santa hat and giggling to myself.  YAY cold meds.  

LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:41 PM


Quoting sandeeyo:

When I saw "Holiday DREADS", I immediately thought that someone's step kid came home with dreadlocks and Christmas ornaments hanging off the ends.

That aside, I have really never liked the Christmas holiday.  I can totally get behind Thanksgiving because I love to cook and, HELLO EATING!!!!!

Please look at my response above.  


This is why we are friends....

sandeeyo
by Le Bonjour Chat on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:44 PM
1 mom liked this

 Great Fucking Minds Fucking Think Alike!!!! LOL

Quoting LyndaLoo78:

Holy hell - I keep seeing the title to this thread and visualizing a Jamiacan with dreads in a fucking Santa hat and giggling to myself.  YAY cold meds.  

 

LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:45 PM
1 mom liked this

Indeed!!!!  LMAO


I'm totally going to have to watch Shark Tale when I get home just for the dread locked jelly fish.  


My mind on Day Quil is a freaken scary place.

Quoting sandeeyo:

 Great Fucking Minds Fucking Think Alike!!!! LOL

Quoting LyndaLoo78:

Holy hell - I keep seeing the title to this thread and visualizing a Jamiacan with dreads in a fucking Santa hat and giggling to myself.  YAY cold meds.  



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