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I can't stop crying! ETA2

Posted by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:32 AM
  • 303 Replies
6 moms liked this

Because I am so happy and proud!


My stepdaughter is 10 years old and I've been in her life for the last 4 years. When I met her, her hair was hardly ever brushed let alone styled. I was never very good at doing hair but had always planned on becoming the mom who could do amazing hair when/if I ever had a daughter, so I quickly taught myself some cool styles to give her and, not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty talented now. We have 50/50 custody and I do her hair everyday she's with us.


My stepdaughter has a little sister at her other house and has told me how she does her hair now that she is old enough to sit still. She has described some of the styles she does but I have never seen any.


Well today my niece was over at our house and needed her hair done. My stepdaughter asked if she could do it and of course I said yes. So she sat her cousin down in front of her and proceeded to give her the cutest little style! She parted her hair all the way down the middle and gave her two little low pigtails that she topsy tailed (without even using the topsy tail)! It was so awesome watching her do something I taught her without actually "teaching" her. Sure, she's learned all kinds of things from me that I have actually instructed her on how to do, but this was different. Everything from how she brushed her hair to how she made sure the two pigtails were even to her tone of voice when giving instructions to my niece were exactly how I do it with her. She just learned how to do it all based on my actions, not my instructions. I started balling because I had not yet witnessed anything like this in my mothering career yet. Just knowing that I taught her a life skill like this...and without even teaching her...ugh! My heart just melted. I'm one proud mama!


ETA: To everyone who has said nice things to me, Thank you! It really was a wonderful experience!


To everyone else, you can all be truly horrible and I hope you can sleep well at night after spending the day putting people down over the internet. You must not be very happy in your own lives if you can take a simple joy of motherhood I was trying to share and turn it into something to attack me over. It really is no sweat off my back though and I could care less what you think about me. I know how important I am to my stepdaughter and the role I play in her life. I do not need any of you to validate that for me nor do I need to explain my relationship with her to any of you. 


No, I do not have any other children because I unfortunately have fertility issues and have not had a viable pregnancy the few times I have been able to get pregnant. But thanks for reminding me that I am not really a mother since I have not pushed a human out of my vagina just yet. I'm working on making that happen but if it never happens, I'll be fine because I have a family who loves me. And yes, that family only consists of my stepdaughter and husband and I cherish both of them with every fiber in my being.


As far as my "mothering career' goes...it was a creative play on words to highlight the last four years of my life. Would you have prefered my "tenure as a parent" or perhaps "years spent parenting"?


And no where did I say that being able to style hair was a NECESSARY life skill...I just said it was a life skill because it is a skill she can use throughout her life. Clearly she is already putting that skill to use.


I also never said that I am better than anyone who cannot do hair. If you don't style your daughters' hair, then that is a choice you made and good for you. I have very curly hair and my mom would brush it into an afro everyday and send me off to school. It was horrible and I vowed to never do that to any daughter of mine. My stepdaughter also has curly hair, one of the reasons her mother does not do anything with it, and she experiences the same problems of poofiness that plagued me as a child. Fortunately she is capable of doing her own hair now for the mornings I am not available to style it. She can also bathe herself now for those of you wondering.


I'm so happy that there is a place where I can go to share the joys of motherhood and get such a positive response from everyone...wait. that didn't happen and perhaps no place exists for that. Too bad, Cafemom, because all I wanted to do was talk about a joyous experience with people who can relate.



ETA2: this is ONE example of the many many things I do for her. No where did I say that doing her hair proves that I'm a mom. I do a whole lot more to prove that but as I said before, I don't need to justify my relationship with my stepdaughter to any of you. I was just wanting to talk about one tiny aspect of my life with my stepdaughter and highlight a moment I felt proud of her. If you are offended by my completely inoffensive post, then perhaps you need to work out your feelings of parenthood a bit further with yourself and possibly a licensed physician. If reading about someone else's parenting experience causes you to feel attacked for not having the same experiences, then you have issues.
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:32 AM
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Replies (1-10):
afwife817
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 1:34 AM
1 mom liked this
My step daughter's do this all of the time especially my 7 yr old. I've only been in their lives a couple yrs, but our bond is amazing. My youngest SD also copies me down to my tone, hand gestures, to the way she sits down and lays a napkin on her lap. Eats her food, her mannerisms and so much more. Again, yesterday at the mall someone told me in front of her how well behaved and polite my daughter was. I used to correct it the first many times and say I'm just SM, but I knew that hurt my SD feelings like I'm ashamed to claim her as my own. Kid's are smart, but my SD gets a big smile on her face and has never corrected the person when they say that. I figure she's old enough to correct it if she wants. Being a SM is hard, but I love it:)
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 7:11 AM
3 moms liked this

LOL this is funny.

Your mothering career. How many kids do you have?

Why did you date a man who couldnt' comb his daughter's hair? I think I would have run.

kristinbugg
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:03 AM
WE don't have 50/50 custody.

What is a "mothering career"?
malinda74
by Bronze Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:05 AM
I was wondering the same


Quoting kristinbugg:

WE don't have 50/50 custody.



What is a "mothering career"?

DDDaysh
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:10 AM

 Are you pregnant? 

chasinrainbows
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:13 AM
1 mom liked this
That's awesome:)


Of course you're going to get some negative replies...lol. Anyway, my dd9 came home yesterday after a week with Dad and SM. Her hair is down to her butt. She had the biggest matted mess in the back of her head...like it hadn't been brushed in days. I wish either dad or SM would make sure it was at least brushed (and I always send a brush). Fix it? That NEVER happens there but it's awesome you do that for your SD.
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:14 AM
1 mom liked this


I agree it's nice she does the girl's hair since the father can't be bothered or his hands are broken or whatever his excuse is. But the mothering career comment has people cracking up.

Quoting chasinrainbows:

That's awesome:)


Of course you're going to get some negative replies...lol. Anyway, my dd9 came home yesterday after a week with Dad and SM. Her hair is down to her butt. She had the biggest matted mess in the back of her head...like it hadn't been brushed in days. I wish either dad or SM would make sure it was at least brushed (and I always send a brush). Fix it? That NEVER happens there but it's awesome you do that for your SD.



chasinrainbows
by Silver Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:30 AM
It kind of sounds like she may have another child...a boy maybe? I've heard people use the term before. Heck, some people think being a parent is an occupation lol.

I don't know about her husband but I know my ex husband is pretty useless when it comes to our daughter's hair. The top half of her head looked wet/greasy from conditioner being left in it. I spent quite awhile picking the massive matted mess out of her hair. So not only does ex lack common sense about dd9's hair...but apparently SM as well. No this isn't the first time but it is the worst it's ever been.

Yes, it's nice OP does her SD's hair. So many actual moms don't even bother. It's common for dads to not fix hair but they can at least brush it. My daughter has a friend whose dad is raising her and her sister by himself. In the past 2 weeks I have taken both girls to get their hair done (their dad paid) and shopping. It's true, some dads don't have a clue lol.


Quoting whatIknownow:


I agree it's nice she does the girl's hair since the father can't be bothered or his hands are broken or whatever his excuse is. But the mothering career comment has people cracking up.


Quoting chasinrainbows:

That's awesome:)





Of course you're going to get some negative replies...lol. Anyway, my dd9 came home yesterday after a week with Dad and SM. Her hair is down to her butt. She had the biggest matted mess in the back of her head...like it hadn't been brushed in days. I wish either dad or SM would make sure it was at least brushed (and I always send a brush). Fix it? That NEVER happens there but it's awesome you do that for your SD.




whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:40 AM


I think this stepchild is the only child. I don't think she is a mother. I could be wrong.

My DH had 40/60 when I met him, he was a single dad, and he knew how to brush his daughter's hair at that time. What kind of man doesn't know how to brush their child's hair. A man who can't do basic things like that should have short day visits only.

Quoting chasinrainbows:

It kind of sounds like she may have another child...a boy maybe? I've heard people use the term before. Heck, some people think being a parent is an occupation lol.

I don't know about her husband but I know my ex husband is pretty useless when it comes to our daughter's hair. The top half of her head looked wet/greasy from conditioner being left in it. I spent quite awhile picking the massive matted mess out of her hair. So not only does ex lack common sense about dd9's hair...but apparently SM as well. No this isn't the first time but it is the worst it's ever been.

Yes, it's nice OP does her SD's hair. So many actual moms don't even bother. It's common for dads to not fix hair but they can at least brush it. My daughter has a friend whose dad is raising her and her sister by himself. In the past 2 weeks I have taken both girls to get their hair done (their dad paid) and shopping. It's true, some dads don't have a clue lol.


Quoting whatIknownow:


I agree it's nice she does the girl's hair since the father can't be bothered or his hands are broken or whatever his excuse is. But the mothering career comment has people cracking up.


Quoting chasinrainbows:

That's awesome:)





Of course you're going to get some negative replies...lol. Anyway, my dd9 came home yesterday after a week with Dad and SM. Her hair is down to her butt. She had the biggest matted mess in the back of her head...like it hadn't been brushed in days. I wish either dad or SM would make sure it was at least brushed (and I always send a brush). Fix it? That NEVER happens there but it's awesome you do that for your SD.






reesesami
by Member on Dec. 2, 2013 at 8:48 AM
1 mom liked this
My husband can brush her hair; I was referring to her mother not brushing her hair or styling it. She would come over to our house directly from her mother's house without having been bathed for multiple days with we hair smelling like cigarette smoke and all matted. I don't like to talks shit about her mother so forgive me for not making myself more clear.

I'm glad her little sister doesn't have to live with the embarrassment of not having her hair properly taken care of since my stepdaughter is capable of doing it for her.


Quoting whatIknownow:

LOL this is funny.

Your mothering career. How many kids do you have?

Why did you date a man who couldnt' comb his daughter's hair? I think I would have run.


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