Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I can't stop crying! ETA2

Posted by   + Show Post

Because I am so happy and proud!


My stepdaughter is 10 years old and I've been in her life for the last 4 years. When I met her, her hair was hardly ever brushed let alone styled. I was never very good at doing hair but had always planned on becoming the mom who could do amazing hair when/if I ever had a daughter, so I quickly taught myself some cool styles to give her and, not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty talented now. We have 50/50 custody and I do her hair everyday she's with us.


My stepdaughter has a little sister at her other house and has told me how she does her hair now that she is old enough to sit still. She has described some of the styles she does but I have never seen any.


Well today my niece was over at our house and needed her hair done. My stepdaughter asked if she could do it and of course I said yes. So she sat her cousin down in front of her and proceeded to give her the cutest little style! She parted her hair all the way down the middle and gave her two little low pigtails that she topsy tailed (without even using the topsy tail)! It was so awesome watching her do something I taught her without actually "teaching" her. Sure, she's learned all kinds of things from me that I have actually instructed her on how to do, but this was different. Everything from how she brushed her hair to how she made sure the two pigtails were even to her tone of voice when giving instructions to my niece were exactly how I do it with her. She just learned how to do it all based on my actions, not my instructions. I started balling because I had not yet witnessed anything like this in my mothering career yet. Just knowing that I taught her a life skill like this...and without even teaching her...ugh! My heart just melted. I'm one proud mama!


ETA: To everyone who has said nice things to me, Thank you! It really was a wonderful experience!


To everyone else, you can all be truly horrible and I hope you can sleep well at night after spending the day putting people down over the internet. You must not be very happy in your own lives if you can take a simple joy of motherhood I was trying to share and turn it into something to attack me over. It really is no sweat off my back though and I could care less what you think about me. I know how important I am to my stepdaughter and the role I play in her life. I do not need any of you to validate that for me nor do I need to explain my relationship with her to any of you. 


No, I do not have any other children because I unfortunately have fertility issues and have not had a viable pregnancy the few times I have been able to get pregnant. But thanks for reminding me that I am not really a mother since I have not pushed a human out of my vagina just yet. I'm working on making that happen but if it never happens, I'll be fine because I have a family who loves me. And yes, that family only consists of my stepdaughter and husband and I cherish both of them with every fiber in my being.


As far as my "mothering career' goes...it was a creative play on words to highlight the last four years of my life. Would you have prefered my "tenure as a parent" or perhaps "years spent parenting"?


And no where did I say that being able to style hair was a NECESSARY life skill...I just said it was a life skill because it is a skill she can use throughout her life. Clearly she is already putting that skill to use.


I also never said that I am better than anyone who cannot do hair. If you don't style your daughters' hair, then that is a choice you made and good for you. I have very curly hair and my mom would brush it into an afro everyday and send me off to school. It was horrible and I vowed to never do that to any daughter of mine. My stepdaughter also has curly hair, one of the reasons her mother does not do anything with it, and she experiences the same problems of poofiness that plagued me as a child. Fortunately she is capable of doing her own hair now for the mornings I am not available to style it. She can also bathe herself now for those of you wondering.


I'm so happy that there is a place where I can go to share the joys of motherhood and get such a positive response from everyone...wait. that didn't happen and perhaps no place exists for that. Too bad, Cafemom, because all I wanted to do was talk about a joyous experience with people who can relate.



ETA2: this is ONE example of the many many things I do for her. No where did I say that doing her hair proves that I'm a mom. I do a whole lot more to prove that but as I said before, I don't need to justify my relationship with my stepdaughter to any of you. I was just wanting to talk about one tiny aspect of my life with my stepdaughter and highlight a moment I felt proud of her. If you are offended by my completely inoffensive post, then perhaps you need to work out your feelings of parenthood a bit further with yourself and possibly a licensed physician. If reading about someone else's parenting experience causes you to feel attacked for not having the same experiences, then you have issues.
by on Dec. 2, 2013 at 12:32 AM
Replies (301-303):
pdxmum
by Platinum Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 1:37 PM
Ding double ding.

Quoting AmericanDream: DING DING DING! And in her ETA she is STILL insisting that the things she does for SD "proves" that she is "a mom." Which is very off putting since she doesn't actually have any children of her own, just her stepdaughter. Nobody said that she cannot have a wonderful relationship with her SD but that is as a stepmom and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being the greatest Stepmom in the world. As a matter of fact, I am my SD's favorite SM and the best one she's ever had! :P So what if it's by default. ;)
Quoting whatIknownow:

She didnt' say Parenting career, she said mothering career.

Even if you want to consider her a parent, very few people think the SM is a mother, in a 50/50 sitch where the actual mother is involved.

In a case where the child has multiple parents (my own sitch included), the child has one mother. Just one.

Quoting ChelseNichole:

BUT... not everyone thinks of SP's as "non-parents". You do...and that's fine... but most of the time people consider SP's parents. Speaking as a person who has SP's and considers them parents.

Quoting packermom4ever:


Quoting BasketballMama8:

idk why u are being ridiculed but this is a very sweet post. im glad you and your sd share a special relationship

It might sound like ridicule from some, but really?  Nonparents don't have "mothering careers".... and it does sound like the OP is putting mom down because mom doesn't do things SMs way.  I've taught kids things, not even my own kids, but that doesn't mean I'm a parent or that it goes to my mothering career.  It means I'm an adult and kids are going to get influences from others.  All kids learn from others (or most do) - they may see a stranger do something and they mimic it or they may want to bake like grandma or put on make up like mom or throw a football like their brother or grill like dad or change the tire like he does.  They may even learn how to do something with their hair from their SM.  But learning how to do hair from a SM doesn't mean that SM is a parent or that this is part of her "Mothering career"... especially when SM doesn't have any kids of her own.



Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BasketballMama8
by Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 3:12 PM

i just dont see where it matters.. none of you are WRONG but your opinions are different.  coming from a person who has a step mom that i consider to be my other mother, you cant and shouldnt try to redine this ladys idea of what a mother is because you are wasting your time. Shes not delusional, she clearly knows that she didnt givebirth to sd, she does mother her though, hence the term 'mothering career'. I guess I dont see the big deal here but maybe im missing something. i have two kids that are mothered when they are at their dads house but i wouldnt lose my shit if she were to say that she was a mother to them or that she mothered them. different strokes. 

Quoting pdxmum: Ding double ding.

Quoting AmericanDream: DING DING DING! And in her ETA she is STILL insisting that the things she does for SD "proves" that she is "a mom." Which is very off putting since she doesn't actually have any children of her own, just her stepdaughter. Nobody said that she cannot have a wonderful relationship with her SD but that is as a stepmom and there is absolutely nothing wrong with being the greatest Stepmom in the world. As a matter of fact, I am my SD's favorite SM and the best one she's ever had! :P So what if it's by default. ;)
Quoting whatIknownow:

She didnt' say Parenting career, she said mothering career.

Even if you want to consider her a parent, very few people think the SM is a mother, in a 50/50 sitch where the actual mother is involved.

In a case where the child has multiple parents (my own sitch included), the child has one mother. Just one.

Quoting ChelseNichole:

BUT... not everyone thinks of SP's as "non-parents". You do...and that's fine... but most of the time people consider SP's parents. Speaking as a person who has SP's and considers them parents.

Quoting packermom4ever:


Quoting BasketballMama8:

idk why u are being ridiculed but this is a very sweet post. im glad you and your sd share a special relationship

It might sound like ridicule from some, but really?  Nonparents don't have "mothering careers".... and it does sound like the OP is putting mom down because mom doesn't do things SMs way.  I've taught kids things, not even my own kids, but that doesn't mean I'm a parent or that it goes to my mothering career.  It means I'm an adult and kids are going to get influences from others.  All kids learn from others (or most do) - they may see a stranger do something and they mimic it or they may want to bake like grandma or put on make up like mom or throw a football like their brother or grill like dad or change the tire like he does.  They may even learn how to do something with their hair from their SM.  But learning how to do hair from a SM doesn't mean that SM is a parent or that this is part of her "Mothering career"... especially when SM doesn't have any kids of her own.




Tillymommie
by Silver Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 5:54 PM


Quoting reesesami:

Because I am so happy and proud!


My stepdaughter is 10 years old and I've been in her life for the last 4 years. When I met her, her hair was hardly ever brushed let alone styled. There is no reason to add this. It seems like a jab at BM, not necessary.I was never very good at doing hair but had always planned on becoming the mom who could do amazing hair when/if I ever had a daughter, But since I am childless and now have a SD  so I quickly taught myself some cool styles to give her and, not to toot my own horn, but I'm pretty talented now. We  DH has have 50/50 custody and I do her hair everyday she's with us.

I am just wanting to say, yes its awesome you taught her something, but there is nothing wrong with embracing being a Step mother. What is offending to me, as a Bm and Sm is the tiny jabs you make and places where you seem to decide you are Mom. It makes me feel that you don't embrace being what you are, a step mother, which is great.


My stepdaughter has a little sister at her other house and has told me how she does her hair now that she is old enough to sit still. She has described some of the styles she does but I have never seen any.


Well today my niece was over at our house and needed her hair done. My stepdaughter asked if she could do it and of course I said yes. So she sat her cousin down in front of her and proceeded to give her the cutest little style! She parted her hair all the way down the middle and gave her two little low pigtails that she topsy tailed (without even using the topsy tail)! It was so awesome watching her do something I taught her without actually "teaching" her. Sure, she's learned all kinds of things from me that I have actually instructed her on how to do, but this was different. Everything from how she brushed her hair to how she made sure the two pigtails were even to her tone of voice when giving instructions to my niece were exactly how I do it with her. She just learned how to do it all based on my actions, not my instructions. I started balling because I had not yet witnessed anything like this in my Step mothering career yet. Just knowing that I taught her a life skill like this...and without even teaching her...ugh! My heart just melted. I'm one proud step mama!




ETA: To everyone who has said nice things to me, Thank you! It really was a wonderful experience!


To everyone else, you can all be truly horrible and I hope you can sleep well at night after spending the day putting people down over the internet. You must not be very happy in your own lives if you can take a simple joy of motherhood I was trying to share and turn it into something to attack me over. It really is no sweat off my back though and I could care less what you think about me. I know how important I am to my stepdaughter and the role I play in her life. I do not need any of you to validate that for me nor do I need to explain my relationship with her to any of you. 


No, I do not have any other children because I unfortunately have fertility issues and have not had a viable pregnancy the few times I have been able to get pregnant. But thanks for reminding me that I am not really a mother since I have not pushed a human out of my vagina just yet. I'm working on making that happen but if it never happens, I'll be fine because I have a family who loves me. And yes, that family only consists of my stepdaughter and husband and I cherish both of them with every fiber in my being.


As far as my "mothering career' goes...it was a creative play on words to highlight the last four years of my life. Would you have prefered my "tenure as a parent" or perhaps "years spent parenting"?


And no where did I say that being able to style hair was a NECESSARY life skill...I just said it was a life skill because it is a skill she can use throughout her life. Clearly she is already putting that skill to use.


I also never said that I am better than anyone who cannot do hair. If you don't style your daughters' hair, then that is a choice you made and good for you. I have very curly hair and my mom would brush it into an afro everyday and send me off to school. It was horrible and I vowed to never do that to any daughter of mine. My stepdaughter also has curly hair, one of the reasons her mother does not do anything with it, and she experiences the same problems of poofiness that plagued me as a child. Fortunately she is capable of doing her own hair now for the mornings I am not available to style it. She can also bathe herself now for those of you wondering.


I'm so happy that there is a place where I can go to share the joys of motherhood and get such a positive response from everyone...wait. that didn't happen and perhaps no place exists for that. Too bad, Cafemom, because all I wanted to do was talk about a joyous experience with people who can relate.



ETA2: this is ONE example of the many many things I do for her. No where did I say that doing her hair proves that I'm a mom. I do a whole lot more to prove that but as I said before, I don't need to justify my relationship with my stepdaughter to any of you. I was just wanting to talk about one tiny aspect of my life with my stepdaughter and highlight a moment I felt proud of her. If you are offended by my completely inoffensive post, then perhaps you need to work out your feelings of parenthood a bit further with yourself and possibly a licensed physician. If reading about someone else's parenting experience causes you to feel attacked for not having the same experiences, then you have issues.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)



Featured