I am the PTP (parent type person) to my boyfriend's 6 year old daughter, we'll call her J.
I had a conversation with the BM regarding J's school clothes. BM said she can pick out whatever she wants to wear, and I told her that when she is with me and DB, that I pick out 3 outfits and J chooses what she wants to wear. Sometimes she will mix and match them. BM got a little snotty and said her daughter can wear whatever she wants too and she would be talking to her dad about it.
I explained to her that J was upset because kids were picking on her when she goes to school from her house because of her clothes and hair. (BM doesn't do her hair either)
Her reply: She is my daughter and she is an independent woman. She can do what she wants.