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Stepmom Central Stepmom Central

It's amazing what can happen when parents are left alone

Posted by on Dec. 3, 2013 at 10:00 PM
  • 36 Replies
1 mom liked this

To parent. 

DH has visitation from 20th-26th this year. He is working the 20, 21, 22, 25, and 26th. He called BM (all by himself) told her he can't get off this year (c/o in max security facility) Rather then doing what he thought he was going to be asking for (27th-Jan 1st) She offered to have them stay through the weekend and bring them back Dec 28th. They want to spend the 20th, 21st and 22nd with grandparents across the street. The 25th and 26th with me ( well their brothers who they adore...lol) They live approx 6hrs away. 

He didn't need my help. I didn't have to call BM or interfere in anyway. It's just crazy how a man can just... Take care of things. 

New SM's take note, your DH is capable of taking care of things where his children are concerned. 


by on Dec. 3, 2013 at 10:00 PM
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Replies (1-10):
packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Dec. 3, 2013 at 10:02 PM
2 moms liked this

Say it ain's so - a man?  Taking care of things all alone without you holding his hand?

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 10:04 PM

Funny how for some men having a penis doesn't make them incapable of parenting, huh?

amomynous_j
by on Dec. 3, 2013 at 11:31 PM
1 mom liked this

i rarely interfere with "goings-on" between SO and BM. =)

i give my input to SO when he asks, otherwise he's *gasp* a man, and is capable of sorting shit out on his own!

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Dec. 3, 2013 at 11:57 PM

I'm a control freak at times who was married to an ADHD anxious narcissist for over 20 years.  He would forget to eat and would fall asleep when watching toddlers.  Could not plan when his next shit was let alone EC schedules.  I did everything in that marriage.  And that part worked.  He knew his shortcomings and I was willing to drive the boat.

It was hard to get used to a self sufficient, organized capable partner.  Who actually remembered things.  When I start with my controlling behaviors, he sort of sits back, looks at me a little bemused and I know right away what I'm doing.

i love being married to a man.

MissMoonlight
by on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I understand the falling asleep thing being a problem... But who on earth plans to shit? And since when does forgetting to eat make you a bad person?

Quoting pdxmum:

I'm a control freak at times who was married to an ADHD anxious narcissist for over 20 years.  He would forget to eat and would fall asleep when watching toddlers.  Could not plan when his next shit was let alone EC schedules.  I did everything in that marriage.  And that part worked.  He knew his shortcomings and I was willing to drive the boat.

It was hard to get used to a self sufficient, organized capable partner.  Who actually remembered things.  When I start with my controlling behaviors, he sort of sits back, looks at me a little bemused and I know right away what I'm doing.

i love being married to a man.

pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 12:10 AM
3 moms liked this

Seriously?  Where do you get the impression I thought he was a bad person for his shortcomings?  And do you not understand sarcasm?

Let me simplify this for you missmoonlight.  I was used to being in charge in my first marriage.  It worked for us.  It has been a shift letting go in my second marriage because DH has his life in control.

I like the setup of my second marriage much better.

And BF was/is an asshole.  But not for the issues I listed in this post.

Quoting MissMoonlight: I understand the falling asleep thing being a problem... But who on earth plans to shit? And since when does forgetting to eat make you a bad person?

Quoting pdxmum:

I'm a control freak at times who was married to an ADHD anxious narcissist for over 20 years.  He would forget to eat and would fall asleep when watching toddlers.  Could not plan when his next shit was let alone EC schedules.  I did everything in that marriage.  And that part worked.  He knew his shortcomings and I was willing to drive the boat.

It was hard to get used to a self sufficient, organized capable partner.  Who actually remembered things.  When I start with my controlling behaviors, he sort of sits back, looks at me a little bemused and I know right away what I'm doing.

i love being married to a man.


momof2ex1
by Ruby Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:03 AM
I totally understood your post. Especially the part about being married to a man. While my marriage to my ex is conflicting - I can't even describe it. He was controlling with money but couldn't do a single thing for himself otherwise. I became very independent. Learned real quick how to handle pretty much any task - lawn mower, oil changes, light bulb replacement, Christmas lights - you name it. Being married to my now dh has had it's struggles because I've had to 'unlearn' all of those things and allow him the independence to do them himself. I had to learn to ask for help and LET my husband help me. I was so used to just doing it all and always getting a grunt and a I'll do it next week response - being married to a man that can and will and prefers to mow the lawn - it's been weird.

Quoting pdxmum:

Seriously?  Where do you get the impression I thought he was a bad person for his shortcomings?  And do you not understand sarcasm?

Let me simplify this for you missmoonlight.  I was used to being in charge in my first marriage.  It worked for us.  It has been a shift letting go in my second marriage because DH has his life in control.

I like the setup of my second marriage much better.

And BF was/is an asshole.  But not for the issues I listed in this post.

Quoting MissMoonlight: I understand the falling asleep thing being a problem... But who on earth plans to shit? And since when does forgetting to eat make you a bad person?



Quoting pdxmum:

I'm a control freak at times who was married to an ADHD anxious narcissist for over 20 years.  He would forget to eat and would fall asleep when watching toddlers.  Could not plan when his next shit was let alone EC schedules.  I did everything in that marriage.  And that part worked.  He knew his shortcomings and I was willing to drive the boat.

It was hard to get used to a self sufficient, organized capable partner.  Who actually remembered things.  When I start with my controlling behaviors, he sort of sits back, looks at me a little bemused and I know right away what I'm doing.

i love being married to a man.


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pdxmum
by Ruby Member on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:25 AM

Totally get it.  I stressed initially when Bf moved out wondering how I would handle everything.  Came to learn the only new thing I had to handle was remembering to put out the garbage.  I kid you not.

Quoting momof2ex1: I totally understood your post. Especially the part about being married to a man. While my marriage to my ex is conflicting - I can't even describe it. He was controlling with money but couldn't do a single thing for himself otherwise. I became very independent. Learned real quick how to handle pretty much any task - lawn mower, oil changes, light bulb replacement, Christmas lights - you name it. Being married to my now dh has had it's struggles because I've had to 'unlearn' all of those things and allow him the independence to do them himself. I had to learn to ask for help and LET my husband help me. I was so used to just doing it all and always getting a grunt and a I'll do it next week response - being married to a man that can and will and prefers to mow the lawn - it's been weird.

Quoting pdxmum:

Seriously?  Where do you get the impression I thought he was a bad person for his shortcomings?  And do you not understand sarcasm?

Let me simplify this for you missmoonlight.  I was used to being in charge in my first marriage.  It worked for us.  It has been a shift letting go in my second marriage because DH has his life in control.

I like the setup of my second marriage much better.

And BF was/is an asshole.  But not for the issues I listed in this post.

Quoting MissMoonlight: I understand the falling asleep thing being a problem... But who on earth plans to shit? And since when does forgetting to eat make you a bad person?



Quoting pdxmum:

I'm a control freak at times who was married to an ADHD anxious narcissist for over 20 years.  He would forget to eat and would fall asleep when watching toddlers.  Could not plan when his next shit was let alone EC schedules.  I did everything in that marriage.  And that part worked.  He knew his shortcomings and I was willing to drive the boat.

It was hard to get used to a self sufficient, organized capable partner.  Who actually remembered things.  When I start with my controlling behaviors, he sort of sits back, looks at me a little bemused and I know right away what I'm doing.

i love being married to a man.



kellynh
by Kelly on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:26 AM

I know!! I'm shocked!!! 

Quoting packermom4ever:

Say it ain's so - a man?  Taking care of things all alone without you holding his hand?


kellynh
by Kelly on Dec. 4, 2013 at 1:28 AM

I thought a vagina was required. Men can't be real parents after all!! 

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

Funny how for some men having a penis doesn't make them incapable of parenting, huh?


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