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Adult stepchildren..who do you blame?

Posted by on Dec. 5, 2013 at 4:06 PM
  • 33 Replies

For those who are adult stepkids, who do you blame for the challenges of your step situation, your parents or stepparents?

Did you turn on them? and how did you turn on them?

Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

by on Dec. 5, 2013 at 4:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Dec. 5, 2013 at 4:12 PM
I didn't really blame anyone as a child or even now. But realistically any unhappiness I felt was never assigned to my BP's. I have never turned on my steps. My parents were very good about never bad mouthing the other.
by Gold Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 4:16 PM
I can't blame anyone. My dad passed away when I was 12. When my mom remarried I felt she deserved to be happy.
by Patriot's Fan on Dec. 5, 2013 at 4:26 PM
I was close to my stepdad..he raised me. It was always either my dad or my stepdad to bring us kids places. I dont even talk to my mom now. She has done some really hurtfull things to me. She left my stepdad awjile ago but my husband works for my stepdad so i still see him. My dad passed away when i was 13. My stepdad made sure we had everything and was good to us. It was my mom who made life no so good at times. Having cops called and leaving us for another man. I lived with my stepdad awhile after my mom left.
by on Dec. 5, 2013 at 4:39 PM
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My bio-father is a grown man responsable for his own actions. While I can not stand his wife, she is not to blame for the choices he made. He could have choses us over her or even told her that we matter and we need him but he didn't that is on him. My brother and sister keep in touch with him but I haven't spoken to him in years and hopefully will never have to speak to him again. My step-dad is my Dad he always will be I even named my DD after him.

by Silver Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 4:44 PM

I was a blamer.

My parents were together. My Dad ended up leaving. We started seeing him on the weekends. After Mom fell into her drug habbit and we almost never saw her. She would say she was walking to the store for cigarrettes and be gone for three days. etc. Then my Dad ended up getting Custody of us... my mom failed the drug test, and then never bothered to show up for the next court hearing. and then she got worse. We would see her maybe every few months or so.

I blamed my Dad and my SM. At 7... everything was fine until my Dad in my naive was his fault. We visited our maternal grandparents every weekend...because they did show up to court to try to fight for us.  Because I blamed my dad...and was so angry all of the time...we had a very strained relationship...and I was extremely difficult for my SM. The only place I ever wanted to be was with my grandparents.

It wasnt until I got older and realized that my Dad was not the one to blame. My Mom didnt want to grow up and raise Dad did. So he left. Her actions were her choices, and he wasnt twisiting her arm. And once I was able to realize the only person to blame was her, I was able to start bettering my relationship with my Dad.

by Silver Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 5:55 PM

I'm not a blamer.  My parents divorced when I was one so my life was never turned upside down.  My dad was a raging alcoholic and when he did come get us we went and stayed at a relatives house on his side..sans my father.  I never saw that as a bad thing either.  I feel rather lucky that I have such a close relationship with my grandparents and aunts and uncles.  

Now my older sister blames everyone for our parents divorce including me.  LOL

by Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 7:08 PM
I don't blame either of my parents. I was 18 when they split. It was several years later before either began dating. While I don't really care for my dads wife she holds no blame in my parents divorce. I do love my stepdad and miss him very much since he's passed.

My parents are like every other human being, human. They both have faults. I thank them that they were able to be so civil with each other.
by Audra on Dec. 5, 2013 at 7:18 PM

I have never " turned" on my step mom but I'm not a big fan either. 

She wanted my Dad and in order to get him she had to pretend that my sisters and I mattered to her. After my dad finally married her after backing out 3 times. She showed her true colors.

She hides her dislike for us behind joking and teasing but she is as fake as can be.

I blame both my Dad and my step Mom for the BS. Her for making it quite clear that her kids and her grand kids are more important than we are and my Dad for allowing it.

She dislikes the relationships that my sister's and I have with my Dad. But we aren't going anywhere and neither is she .. So we suck it up and talk about her behind her back like mature 40 something women. :0) 

by Ruby Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 9:05 PM
I don't think there is any blame. I accept that my dad wasn't around much and didn't care if he got us or not. It's not really a blame - it's like reality. It is what it is. Acceptance.

When I was a kid I always blamed my stepdad for my mom changing the way she parented us. She admits to this day that she let him have a heavy hand in raising us and she wished that she would have made him step back. But we are who we are because of the changes that were made. Good or bad - he was a great influence and I'm grateful for him.
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by Gold Member on Dec. 5, 2013 at 9:25 PM

My stepdad was my ONLY dad.  Married my mom when I was three and my father hadn't seen me since I was 3 months.

However, I did have  a lot of issues that I had to work out.  Most of them came to a head when mom and dad divorced after my freshmen year.  I don't blame either of my parents (Mom and stepdad or biodad.) I had a lot of anger and sadness.  

After the divorce it got worse.  I fought with my mom, a lot!  We have a great relationship, now (few hiccups here and there... but who doesn't ??)

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