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What’s with all the hostility?

Posted by on Dec. 8, 2013 at 8:59 PM
  • 42 Replies
1 mom liked this

Is there anyone else that you* dislike as much as BM? Is there anyone that you judge or criticize as harshly as you judge or criticize BM?

I feel like there's a lot of unnecessary hostility towards BM**, and it just makes me wonder - Are you like that with everybody (your coworkers, your child's teacher, the mailman) or is it just BM specific? And if it's BM specific, why?

Why does it seem like conflict between BM and SM is okay, or even expected? I think it's silly that "Do you and BM get along?" is such a common question. I would think that, as a socialized adult, you should at the very least be able to get along with BM (obviously, it takes two and you shouldn't be faulted if BM is unwilling to try to get along).

I just don't get it.

Where does hating and criticizing BM get you?

 

* You is used as a general term. I'm not specifically saying that you are one of the BM haters.

** I am well aware that this can be flipped. There are also BMs that are just as hostile towards SMs.


by on Dec. 8, 2013 at 8:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
luckystars2012
by Gold Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 9:07 PM
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Imagine seeing photographs of your SKs bedroom in BMs home that depict roaches in plain daylight, mouse/rat droppings in the bed UNDER the blankets where SKs slept, rotting food, garbage, diapers everywhere, etc.  

 Or even take out the BM/SK factor, and just imagine seeing those photos period?  Youd probably be pretty disgusted with the adults who let it be that way, right?

I dont necesarily feel hostility towards BM, but I regard her as pretty low on the totem pole of life-however that has a lot to do with the extreme neglect ss suffered at her hands....the same way you would have a chronic disregard or disgust for anyone who abused/neglected their children to the point where CPS had to remove them.  


CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Dec. 8, 2013 at 9:18 PM
drama queens ;). I think everyone will have some sort of complaint sooner or later about a mom or step mom, but in perspective , it shouldn't become hate,or an unhealthy obsession. we are all imperfect people and make mistakes, no one is perfect
whatIknownow
by Ruby Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 9:21 PM
3 moms liked this

I used to dispise my stepkids' mother. Then I finally figured out that hating her was going to cost me my relationships with them. So, I stopped.

Just like that.

SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 9:22 PM

 

Quoting progressandjoy:

Is there anyone else that you* dislike as much as BM?
Not that I can think of...but I was getting past it and can say I don't dislike anyone now.

Is there anyone that you judge or criticize as harshly as you judge or criticize BM?
No.

I feel like there's a lot of unnecessary hostility towards BM**, and it just makes me wonder - Are you like that with everybody (your coworkers, your child's teacher, the mailman) or is it just BM specific? And if it's BM specific, why?
No, I'm not as critical of people whose kid(s) are not in my home 95% of the time...but I will say that my dislike came from her ability to negatively affect my home through her child.

Why does it seem like conflict between BM and SM is okay, or even expected? I think it's silly that "Do you and BM get along?" is such a common question. I would think that, as a socialized adult, you should at the very least be able to get along with BM (obviously, it takes two and you shouldn't be faulted if BM is unwilling to try to get along).

I just don't get it.

Where does hating and criticizing BM get you?
I don't think I ever hated BM...I've complained about her over the years and probably criticized her regarding things that I believe anyone would after seeing the repetition. But I never did it to her or SSs face...and I suppose it was more in disbelief that BM could never seem to learn from her mistakes. However, we were civil for SSs sake.

 

* You is used as a general term. I'm not specifically saying that you are one of the BM haters.

** I am well aware that this can be flipped. There are also BMs that are just as hostile towards SMs.

 

 

leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 9:34 PM

I don't like BM, and that is only because she assaulted me,  that was a shock, no one has ever been that hostile to me before or since. Physical violence is unacceptable unless it is in self-defense, I believe. BM is not someone I need to interact with so there is no reason for us to really get along, we don't and we can remain strangers just fine.


Career Woman, Wife and Mother of Two Children, a Girl and a Boy.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 11:32 PM

I don't really despise BM, I don't like her as a human being, and had we met outside of the SM/BM situation I wouldn't like her. We're just too different as people.

Most than anything I feel pitty for BM. I feel sorry for her, sorry that her choices in life will effect her ability to have any type of decent relationship with the only child she has.

Sometimes I get mad at her for the crap she pulls, or the crap she lets her mom and grandma pull that effect SD. But, more often than not I just feel sorry for her. 

elisesmom922
by Silver Member on Dec. 8, 2013 at 11:47 PM

There are quite a few people I dislike WAY more than BM! I don't like her, but she is far from the top of my list. We co-exist in the same place  if needed for SD, no issues. I DO take issue with things that go on regarding SD, but those are usually discussed with DH, not BM directly.

Silent_Sea
by Gold Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 12:11 AM
1 mom liked this

There isn't anyone I despise or hate. There are people in this world I have learned are better to avoid and not interact with. She and her husband are one of the few. 

runinpinkshoes
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 12:31 AM
1 mom liked this

I think the reason you see so much hostility between SMs and BMs is because:

  1. The ex and new-wife dynamic can bring out a lot of high-conflict type behavior resulting in hostility and,
  2. You can't just walk away and never see that person again. You have to keep interacting with them again and again, and bad behavior continues, fueling further hostility.

For me, the best thing I can do in this scenario is try not to let it bother me, live my life and not worry about this stressful person my husband and I will have to interact with forever just because he was once with her. I'm slowly getting there.

DeliteCrazy
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 3:22 AM
I dislike childish shit starting talk smack and cause trouble people, so I choose not to deal with them.
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