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At what point do you tell a kid Santa isn't real?

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 1:27 AM
  • 64 Replies
SD is 13, but due to developmental delays related to a birth disorder she's not developmentally 13. She's 2 years behind her age group in school, she's in 6th grade.

SD still believes in Santa. The other say when it was just DH, SD, and me DH asked her if she believed in Santa. She said she did and was really confused as to why DH would ask.

Later on DH asked me if I thought he should tell her the truth or not. I'm torn. DS will be 11 next month, he stopped believing last year. With SD's delays its quite likely that she'll continue to believe for a long time, or until kids at school talk about it.

DH wants to tell her the truth. I just don't know.

Also, in case this matters, DH is CP. BM isn't super involved. She has EOWE, but gives up about 80-90% of her visits to either us or BM's mom. BM spends about 12-16 hours a month with SD (time spent in the car driving too and from BM's mom's house).
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 1:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
HopesNDreams
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 4:20 AM
Oh! This is so hard! We had this decision to make with DS who has Asperger's.

First, this is a talk for AFTER Christmas, not before. Whatever is believed or not believed needs to stay in place for this holiday - don't ruin it. Second, our decision was based on life outcome and interaction with peers. If this was something that was going to be discussed with peers and would result in teasing, then some age appropriate Santa talks needed to happen. However, I had no desire to 'out' Santa. I felt that was mean.

We just spent started having a lot of realistic talking about gift buying, present delivering, logic of 'do you think that could happen' with Santa lore and such over the next year. We gently guided him to his own conclusion.
gmoen1977
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 7:06 AM

Let her continue, the 11 yr old may know but explain to him that for now he will still get things from Santa so the other child can keep up the feeling.  It will come out on its own and may take a few more yrs.  maybe in yrs future could start a tradition of Santa always bringing a trinket or Jammie's for fun and the gifts are always from you.

mb1111
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:34 AM
1 mom liked this

I personally would side with DH and just tell her, but I don't care for doing the Santa Claus thing at all.  I only go along with it for my SS because his mom and dad started it and I don't want to be the one to tell him the bad news.

kellynh
by Kelly on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:41 AM

I never had to tell my older two. Kids at school talk about it. I have heard of other people using the, "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." To explain the manic of Christmas without the belief that Santa rides in a sleigh. 

PumpkinSpice8
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 8:42 AM
1 mom liked this
Personally, I'd let her keep believing. I'm a big fan of keeping the magic going for as long as a child wants. And as a parent of a SNs child (and one who will have the same issue you are having) I'm going to let my own child ride the Santa train until she choses not to believe.

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:33 AM


Quoting PumpkinSpice8: Personally, I'd let her keep believing. I'm a big fan of keeping the magic going for as long as a child wants. And as a parent of a SNs child (and one who will have the same issue you are having) I'm going to let my own child ride the Santa train until she choses not to believe.

I agree.  I let my kids believe as long as they wanted (or TOLD me they believed).  I think that your SD has enough on her right now that having Santa to look forward to and get joy from is needed.  I wouldn't tell her, let her have it as long as possible.

LyndaLoo78
by Skeletor on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:08 AM


Quoting PumpkinSpice8: Personally, I'd let her keep believing. I'm a big fan of keeping the magic going for as long as a child wants. And as a parent of a SNs child (and one who will have the same issue you are having) I'm going to let my own child ride the Santa train until she choses not to believe.

I agree with this as a parent of non-SN children.  As long as they want to believe, I will allow it.  

My ODD is 8, by the time I was her age I had figured out there Santa was not a real, flesh and blood person.  She has not, and in fact would probably argue with you his existance until you just relented and said he was real just to get her to hush up.  LOL  

I think about the kids growing up and not believing and I have to be quite frank, it makes a little sad.  I think the cessation of the belief in Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, et. al., signals the end an important stage of childhood.  While I know time marches on, I want my children to hold firmly to this innocent belief system for as long as possible.  Yes, reality is inevitable, but they will far long living the realities of life than they will ever live with their innocent belief of Santa Clause.  

ChelseNichole
by Chelse on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:33 AM
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I think kids should believe as long as they can... so I would say when she comes home from school one day and says Sally said Santa isnt real...then maybe have the talk with her.

Frustrated10
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:43 AM

Why would you take that away from her? Let her be a child for as long as she wants. Nobody should take that away from any child. Geez.

CrunchMaMaBear
by Queen Crunch on Dec. 9, 2013 at 10:52 AM
personal parental decision. I will not be teaching my daughter,2, about santa because we are Christians and want her to know the real meaning of Christmas.
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