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Whats the best way for DH to handle this? In need of good advice. Update page 4

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:04 AM
  • 31 Replies
Ok DH is the cp. The co makes no mention of what visitation should be. Since March of this year him and BM have had a EOW schedule.

For the past month now BM has been mad at him over a medical bill (co says she's responsible for that one) so she won't speak to him. She gets SF to talk to DH via text. On the occasion she answers the text herself she's really nasty for no reason. She said herself she lets SF text back most the time bc she doesn't want to. DH told her that he doesn't see how EOW will work out w/no communication between the 2 of them. She replied and said that's fine I can file papers w/the court for that. He told her don't worry I'll do it for you.

Now it's not that he WANTS to take EOW away and go back to EOWE he just wants her to communicate w/him so they can co parent together so he is thinking of taking her to mediation. So u guys think that's the best thing for him to do or could it make things worse?
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:04 AM
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Replies (1-10):
thecircus8
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:08 AM
From the past behavior of BM. Does he think that it is something she will get over or will it be on going? If he thinks BM will get over it I would just wait it out. If not then definitely mediation. EOW cannot work without communication, and it most certainly should be between bioparents! Another this he could try is just going back to EOWE until she does get the message, but how would SKIDs feel about it?
korra2013
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:13 AM
Why does he need to talk to her? If SF is doing the communication leave it that way. Some people don't get along. They have hatred for one another. It's better to have a third party involved if they are willing. As far as visitation get a schedule established by court and let that be the end of it.
Leigh84
by Gold Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:18 AM
He tried waiting it out but it's been a month now so it seems it will be on going. That's why he's considering mediation. He's hesitant about going to EOWE b4 then bc he doesn't want to look spiteful.

Quoting thecircus8: From the past behavior of BM. Does he think that it is something she will get over or will it be on going? If he thinks BM will get over it I would just wait it out. If not then definitely mediation. EOW cannot work without communication, and it most certainly should be between bioparents! Another this he could try is just going back to EOWE until she does get the message, but how would SKIDs feel about it?
thecircus8
by Silver Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this
Its such a balancing act... I would advise mediation then. BTW. My and DD4 middle name is Leigh!

Quoting Leigh84: He tried waiting it out but it's been a month now so it seems it will be on going. That's why he's considering mediation. He's hesitant about going to EOWE b4 then bc he doesn't want to look spiteful.



Quoting thecircus8: From the past behavior of BM. Does he think that it is something she will get over or will it be on going? If he thinks BM will get over it I would just wait it out. If not then definitely mediation. EOW cannot work without communication, and it most certainly should be between bioparents! Another this he could try is just going back to EOWE until she does get the message, but how would SKIDs feel about it?
amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:38 AM

So visitation is at dh's discretion? Or is there an eowe schedule in the co? And he would just be defaulting to that? 

Quoting Leigh84: He tried waiting it out but it's been a month now so it seems it will be on going. That's why he's considering mediation. He's hesitant about going to EOWE b4 then bc he doesn't want to look spiteful.

Quoting thecircus8: From the past behavior of BM. Does he think that it is something she will get over or will it be on going? If he thinks BM will get over it I would just wait it out. If not then definitely mediation. EOW cannot work without communication, and it most certainly should be between bioparents! Another this he could try is just going back to EOWE until she does get the message, but how would SKIDs feel about it?


Leigh84
by Gold Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:41 AM
The co makes no mention of visitation. I'm assuming that means it's at his discretion.

Quoting amantonacci:

So visitation is at dh's discretion? Or is there an eowe schedule in the co? And he would just be defaulting to that? 

Quoting Leigh84: He tried waiting it out but it's been a month now so it seems it will be on going. That's why he's considering mediation. He's hesitant about going to EOWE b4 then bc he doesn't want to look spiteful.



Quoting thecircus8: From the past behavior of BM. Does he think that it is something she will get over or will it be on going? If he thinks BM will get over it I would just wait it out. If not then definitely mediation. EOW cannot work without communication, and it most certainly should be between bioparents! Another this he could try is just going back to EOWE until she does get the message, but how would SKIDs feel about it?


dawncs
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 9:56 AM

You have to realize as long as he follows the court orders that he will be fine in the eyes of most judges. I recommend saving the texts and keeping to it as proof on some of the current problems you face. It is better off in wriitng than oral communication at this point due to disagreement.

Dawn
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FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 11:52 AM
Whether or not visitation is ordered since he has been doing eow for 9 months he developed a pattern and a judge or mediator will not look kindly if he takes that away because bm is not doing something he wants
kristinbugg
by on Dec. 9, 2013 at 12:05 PM
This.

It's called "setting a precedence".

Not only would a judge not look favorably on it, but why would DH risk upsetting his children's routine by taking time away from BM.

I do think, however, SF has no place to communicate with BD. These are not his children.

Quoting FreedomTruth: Whether or not visitation is ordered since he has been doing eow for 9 months he developed a pattern and a judge or mediator will not look kindly if he takes that away because bm is not doing something he wants
FreedomTruth
by Bronze Member on Dec. 9, 2013 at 12:15 PM
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Also a judge or mediator will probably order that weekly emails or texts be sent out by both parties. If the SF or SM is writing the emails it does not matter as long as it comes from the bio's email address. Many friends email me what they are going to say to their ex for me to review and take the emotion out of the email and just make it about facts. The biomom could say that her husband is doing this to avoid further conflict because she will admit to being angry. The judge will say that is not a bad idea. What information are you not getting that you need? That is what the focus needs to be. But if the info is coming from BMs email or phone then I am not sure what the problem is. 

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