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In need of advice on being a step mom to young boys ages 6 and 3

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:35 PM
  • 30 Replies
I am recently engaged and for the past year have taken on the roll of a step mom to two young boys ages 6 and 4. Their Mother is not in the picture at all, she lost custody of them almost 2 years ago. So their Father, my fiancée has full custody. When I came into the picture, the boys were up until they fell asleep. They would eat whenever and whatever they wanted too. The house was a zoo! The boys pretty much had control of the house and had Dad wrapped around their fingers! All they had to do was shed a tear, sometimes a real one sometimes not and they got their way. I moved in almost a year ago and since then I have put some stability into the home and into the boys lives. They eat normal meals, go to bed at a normal time and their play area is their bedroom. My issue is that I feel like I am always on them. Reminding them to flush the toilet, to chew with their mouths closed, to not talk when its time for bed, and so on and so on. My biggest problem right now is when we put them to bed, they talk in their room ( they share a room) for what seems like an hour, but its probably a half hour. They get up a few times during the night to go to the bathroom and the last thing is the 6 year old has been lying often. I would love some advice and or to hear similar stories. Thanks for reading!
by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:35 PM
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by Gold Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:41 PM
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So they are having bonding time in bed, so what. My sister and I shared a room and would talk each other to sleep too and my boys do it as well. They aren't running around crazy why are you so concerned.
by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:41 PM
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It sounds like they are normal boys. Parents have to remind them over and over to do these things. This is normal.

Have you thougth about taking a parenting class? Maybe your boyfriend and you can go together.

by Silver Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:44 PM
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Sounds just like my SS who recently turned 8. I would definitely take whatiknownow's advice and look into parenting classes for both you and you're fiance. These classes will help you learn what is normal, what isn't, and how to pick your battles.
by New Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:46 PM

Thanks for the help.  We wouldn't mind if it was just chatting at night ( I guess I should of clarified that it is a little more than chatting) but its getting up to get toys to put in their beds.....

by New Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:54 PM

I am new to this site, but I already LOVE IT!  Thanks for the advice.  :)

by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:57 PM
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I'm so curious about the story behind BM.  What must she have done to lost custody of her kids to a BF who couldn't learn to say NO or go to bed or brush your teeth or decide what his kids should eat?  Yikes! 

I agree with WIKN, I'd look into a parenting class that you and BF can take together, and learn what is and isn't age appropriate for each developmental age for the boys, now and in years to come.  While them talking to each other in bed at night would bug me, if that is your 'biggest' problem, sit down right now and count your blessings! 

Lying, at age 6?  Totally normal.  What is he lying about?  What happens when he lies?  I solved the lying issue with my boys in a manner many don't consider the best but, it worked for me/them and it was after many (MANY) talks about lying, reading them the story of Peter and the Wolf and discussing it, etc. 

I don't have a similar story for your situation though.  I've never had to step in and 'rescue' someone who couldn't bother to raise his own kids.  I wouldn't touch that one for any amount of love or money! 

by Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:04 PM
Mom of three boys here....ages 6, 5, & 3 (4 at the end of this month). They sound like typical boys. Lying would be an issue....but honestly all of the rest seems normal at those ages.

My boys don't share rooms anymore, but they did up til a year ago. All 3 in one room. I never had an issue with talking unless one was keeping the other up and upsetting him. Personally nit a big deal to me if they are only talking. Also- boys waking at night to visit the bathroom is good! You could have them pee the bed instead. Would that be better?

I would have an issue with the lying, if it is truly lying. That will need Dad to nip.

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by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:08 PM
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Sounds like a typical 6 and 3 year old... You will be reminding them to do all of those things for at least the next 10 years 

by Silver Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:09 PM
You seem like a very nice lady and I feel like a jerk saying this, but it sounds like you have unrealistic expectations of children; they aren't Stepford children!!

And I agree with Jules- those aren't really problems or at least not big problems (stick around for awhile and you'll see some actual problems). You seem to have it pretty good, all except for one little thing.... Why on this earth did you begin a relationship with a man that couldn't parent his kids?

And to repeat everyone else- parenting classes would do this situation some good.

I really wish you the best of luck with your step-life!
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:42 PM
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I don't see any issues in what you're describing.
Stay in this grip and read more posts. After a while, I am sure, you"ll learn to appreciate your "talking at bed time-taking their toys in bed-going at night to bathroom" stepkids:)
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