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Bm hit an all time low

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:50 PM
  • 41 Replies
1 mom liked this
I'm almost at a loss for words, but I need to get this out.

So bm had ss 4 whole nights in a row last week.

During those 4 nights:
1. Exbf spent the night.
2&3. She spent the night with her father- who she admitted to CPS was a drug addict in October.
4. Her new bf spent the night.

Are we being unreasonable to see this as unhealthy for ss? He's turning 5 and starting to understand how the world works. He's asking questions that we don't know how to answer!
by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:54 PM

It is certainly not unreasonable for you guys to feel this way. I'd be concerned too. The question is what your husband can do to protect his son. I am not sure if there are any legal steps he can take regarding all the different men in BM's life but maybe he could at least limit the contact with a drug addict. 

Lauren79
by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:56 PM

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all....I wouldn't like it and I know my SO wouldn't like it if his ex did this.

Kids are naturally curious, especially when they start to figure out how things are.

Has your husband spoken to BM to get her side of things and let her know that while you think it's great that she wants to spend more time with SS that it was extremely inappropriate to have 2 different men spend the night and to spend 2 night with an admitted drug addict?

If it were me I personally would tell my ex that he can go fly a kite in regards to visitation and I'm pretty sure my SO would as well.

Unfortunately this will be brought up in court I'm sure, please be documenting everyting!

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 7:59 PM
Well, CPS told Dh that he is to let them know if ss is staying in a place with the addict. But CPS also told bm that, according to the report.

So it obviously didn't phase her last time. =/. Idk if it would do any good, but the agent did tell Dh to contact him if the addict started staying overnight.


Quoting AtillaTheHun:

It is certainly not unreasonable for you guys to feel this way. I'd be concerned too. The question is what your husband can do to protect his son. I am not sure if there are any legal steps he can take regarding all the different men in BM's life but maybe he could at least limit the contact with a drug addict. 

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:01 PM
When Dh talks to bm, she immediately gets confrontational if he says anything that she can see as undermining her parenting skills.

Dh has custody, but they are supposed to be going back to change the cs- bm didn't have to pay for 12 months and that ends in February.


Quoting Lauren79:

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all....I wouldn't like it and I know my SO wouldn't like it if his ex did this.


Kids are naturally curious, especially when they start to figure out how things are.


Has your husband spoken to BM to get her side of things and let her know that while you think it's great that she wants to spend more time with SS that it was extremely inappropriate to have 2 different men spend the night and to spend 2 night with an admitted drug addict?


If it were me I personally would tell my ex that he can go fly a kite in regards to visitation and I'm pretty sure my SO would as well.


Unfortunately this will be brought up in court I'm sure, please be documenting everyting!

SassyMom25
by Gold Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:08 PM
The men are part of her lifestyle choice...not much to do there. I would contact CPS about the addict though.
dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:14 PM
Then how do you explain all the guys? Ss just asked me tonight why they both sleep in mom's bed when one is just mommy's friend and the other is mommy's bf. =0

Quoting SassyMom25: The men are part of her lifestyle choice...not much to do there. I would contact CPS about the addict though.
AtillaTheHun
by facta, non verba on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:15 PM

I'd let CPS now right away. Keep them in the loop, kwim?

Quoting dawnnamarie: Well, CPS told Dh that he is to let them know if ss is staying in a place with the addict. But CPS also told bm that, according to the report.

So it obviously didn't phase her last time. =/. Idk if it would do any good, but the agent did tell Dh to contact him if the addict started staying overnight.


Quoting AtillaTheHun:

It is certainly not unreasonable for you guys to feel this way. I'd be concerned too. The question is what your husband can do to protect his son. I am not sure if there are any legal steps he can take regarding all the different men in BM's life but maybe he could at least limit the contact with a drug addict. 


Lauren79
by on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:19 PM

Oh boy, she's one of those....all I can say is document everything and bring it up in court and see what happens. 

Your husband could have the CO modified to say that she can't have anyone spend the night or live there while SS is there unless it is her spouse. I believe it's called a morality clause, that would at least keep the different men sleeping with mommy at bay, since there isn't much you can do about it when SS isn't there, but it shouldn't be happening while he is. 

Hopefully things go well for you in court.  

Quoting dawnnamarie: When Dh talks to bm, she immediately gets confrontational if he says anything that she can see as undermining her parenting skills.

Dh has custody, but they are supposed to be going back to change the cs- bm didn't have to pay for 12 months and that ends in February.


Quoting Lauren79:

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all....I wouldn't like it and I know my SO wouldn't like it if his ex did this.


Kids are naturally curious, especially when they start to figure out how things are.


Has your husband spoken to BM to get her side of things and let her know that while you think it's great that she wants to spend more time with SS that it was extremely inappropriate to have 2 different men spend the night and to spend 2 night with an admitted drug addict?


If it were me I personally would tell my ex that he can go fly a kite in regards to visitation and I'm pretty sure my SO would as well.


Unfortunately this will be brought up in court I'm sure, please be documenting everyting!

 

amantonacci
by Platinum Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:23 PM

Where did she spend the time with her father? What kind of drugs is he addicted to? 

dawnnamarie
by Silver Member on Dec. 10, 2013 at 8:25 PM
I never In a million years thought I would have anything to do with CPS =/

I'm going to make sure that Dh is the one who calls. There's been more going on, and idk what to think.

Ss has became obsessed with butts. He started by coming into the bathroom when dd was bathing and grabbed her butt. Then about a week later I heard dd screaming from the playroom. When I got upstairs, ss had his pants and undies pulled down asking dd to touch his butt. It calmed down for a couple weeks after that. But last night, ss came into the bathroom while dd was bathing and took a picture of her. Then this morning, he came into the bathroom and watched her pee. When we asked why he said he wanted to watch her because he loved her.

Each time, we've talked about the bathroom being off limits when someone's in there and that it's not ok to touch someone's private parts. It's just overwhelming. We got an appointment scheduled with the dr so she can talk to him about everything and see if something's going on- but it's all really fucking too much to deal with.


Quoting AtillaTheHun:

I'd let CPS now right away. Keep them in the loop, kwim?

Quoting dawnnamarie: Well, CPS told Dh that he is to let them know if ss is staying in a place with the addict. But CPS also told bm that, according to the report.



So it obviously didn't phase her last time. =/. Idk if it would do any good, but the agent did tell Dh to contact him if the addict started staying overnight.




Quoting AtillaTheHun:

It is certainly not unreasonable for you guys to feel this way. I'd be concerned too. The question is what your husband can do to protect his son. I am not sure if there are any legal steps he can take regarding all the different men in BM's life but maybe he could at least limit the contact with a drug addict. 


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