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Relationship with husband and ex

Posted by on Dec. 15, 2013 at 11:50 PM
  • 264 Replies
1 mom liked this
Hi there, I have two stepdaughters, and one baby with my husband. Things aren't great with my stepdaughters bio mom, but I give an honest effort every second of the day.
My issue isn't with the bio mom however.
I'm wondering as the stepmom, what sort of relationship is ok regarding my husband and the ex. I know they have monthly meetings, and call or text several times a day.. But my husband insists these text messages are private, and only talks to her on the phone when I'm not there. It bothers me a lot that their relationship is private. I know they share children, but I'm sharing those same children with my husband, and don't understand what needs to be private.
Any insight on what's normal regarding the "private" relationship between bio parents not together ?
by on Dec. 15, 2013 at 11:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 12:01 AM
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I don't need to be in every conversatioon BM and DH have, but I don't like things going on behind my back.  But he gives me general information and I'm ok with that.  How much do you trust him?

GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 12:05 AM
You don't share those same children with him, BM does.
Jets1234
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 12:10 AM
1 mom liked this
Yes I do share the same children.
GlockMom
by Platinum Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 12:25 AM
3 moms liked this
You share a child with him. He shares the other two with a person who is not you.
faerie75
by Platinum Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 12:26 AM
Idk, that would make me feel some kind of way too... Uncomfty. I don't expect to be included or anything and I let them coparent together but he shows me most if their communication or tells me about it, on his own. If he didn't is prob be ok w it but if he made a point of refusing to let me know anything I'd feel some kind of way.
Jets1234
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 12:31 AM
4 moms liked this
Glock Mom, stop responding. You're not even answering the question. I share those kids. I pick them up from school, feed them, read them bedtime stories, kiss them goodnight. Not sure what you're trying to prove, but I raise them. You obviously have some sort of problem.
Jets1234
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 12:35 AM
I don't feel I need to be in every conversation either. Not even close!
But the other day I just put my foot down and told my husband I wanted to see the text message thread he has with his ex. He looked through it first to review what It said and by the time he showed it to me, he had deleted some texts because what I got to read didn't even make sense. There were chunks of the convo missing. So he makes me feel like it's not my right to know what they talk about.
minimoo
by Gold Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 12:59 AM
How long have you been together? How old are the girls? How long have they been split up?
Jets1234
by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 1:01 AM
My husband and I have been together 4 yrs, our baby is 6 mos.
THe girls are 6 and 9. They split up while she was pregnant with the 6 yr old. Never married.
justamomma9
by Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 1:08 AM
Can we switch? My dh and his ex (two kids) always drag me into their parenting stuff. I get tired of getting texts and calls constantly. I can say a million of times, please talk to each other about your kids, not me and they still don't. Why should I have to be the middle man?

Maybe he is worried you will tell him he did it wrong or said the wrong thing to her? If you have any doubt he is having an innapropriate relationship with her, talk to him about it or get out. No sense in being miserable and untrusting for the next handful of years. Otherwise, trust that they are communicating about their children as they should.
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