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Does DNA make you the mom/dad?

Posted by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 11:44 PM
  • 72 Replies

 

Poll

Question: Does DNA make you the mom/dad?

Options:

Yes

No


Only group members can vote in this poll.

Total Votes: 55

View Results

Many people say that DNA makes you a mom. (Of course technically  it does, we all know that) but does it really?

I recently have been told (only on CM) that I am just Dad's wife. I have raised our kids with my husband for 9 years. We have 6 kids (3 mine, 3 his). This pole isn't for me, I am comfortable with how I chose to raise my SK as my own and my husband raising my kids as his own. My kids haven't seen their dad for 9 years and his kids BM recently came back after 7 years. I know a lot of different ways my friends families have come to exist. For example:

Step parents raise kids ( don't share DNA.) 

I have friends who could only adopt. (No DNA THERE)

I have friends who chose artificial insemination. (Dad's sperm count didn't permit children) (Only 1 parent shares the DNA)

so are the parents who don't share DNA with their child not the parents?

I am not trying to start a big debate, so please ladies be nice. Leave a simple comment and let us know your point of view! 

by on Dec. 16, 2013 at 11:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
MommySabs
by Gold Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 11:49 PM
6 moms liked this
In the case of adoption or spermatozoa/egg donation, the mom or dad would be the legal parent negating DNA.

I don't understand why being a good stepparent is such a bad thing. I would rather keep my dss life uncomplicated and without competition for who is 'mom' bc in the end Mom will win that competition. He's got a hell of a stepmom ( if I do say so myself lol) and that's awesome!
Polkadotted
by Gold Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 11:53 PM

If you are comfortable with your situation, and know what role you have there, why do you care if people here say you are only dad's wife?

I know I'm more and it's not worth fighting with people who don't know me saying I'm not what I am.  Take the advice that fits, let the rest go.

amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 11:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I cannot answer your poll because there is a large difference between a stepparent and a parent who had adopted or became a parent by other non biological means.

Those people have legal rights as parents with up to but no more than 2 people sharing those rights to the child.

It is only in a step situation where people try to blur the lines. But you asked, and in my opinion the simple truth is that a stepparent is not a parent. (with the exception of a BP walking out and skids being adopted by SP)

It has little to do with DNA. Adoptive moms are very much mothers to me. Stepmothers are Stepmothers. No comparison to me.
leegirl_jm
by Platinum Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 11:55 PM

For me, yes it does, I am the mother of my son and daughter who I grew in my womb for 39 and 40 weeks respectively, how I feel for them is in my blood, they are a part of me, I love them because they are really mine, I created them and I am nurturing them so they can be independent adults.

If I am in a room of a million children, I only have eyes, ears and heart for those two children that came from me.

SassyMom25
by Silver Member on Dec. 16, 2013 at 11:55 PM
There is one thing that stands out in your 3 examples. A SP is the only one that is not legally responsible for the child. Many times in the courts eyes...biology and/or legal status are the only things that matter.

This protects the legal parents from having anyone come in and stake a claim and it protects the kids from being spread too thin. It also gives the SP something to consider...should they end up divorced, they no longer have a 'legitimate' reason to be in the child's life.
amanda_mom89
by Gold Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 12:01 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sure it's been pondered in this forum before.. But I often wonder how many of these "I am Mom too" SMs would gladly pay child support (eta: for their skid) should she and her DH divorce.

Not being rude.. Just including all parental obligations.
Quoting SassyMom25: There is one thing that stands out in your 3 examples. A SP is the only one that is not legally responsible for the child. Many times in the courts eyes...biology and/or legal status are the only things that matter.



This protects the legal parents from having anyone come in and stake a claim and it protects the kids from being spread too thin. It also gives the SP something to consider...should they end up divorced, they no longer have a 'legitimate' reason to be in the child's life.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
eSamsMama
by Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 12:05 AM
1 mom liked this
Not in all cases. The woman who birthed my kids chose drugs over them. I don't care how consuming addiction is, she chose to start using when they were small. She chose to walk away. And I've been grateful for it everyday for the last 12 years.
eSamsMama
by Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 12:08 AM
My step kids (teenage boys) have both expressed interest in living with me if things tank with my marriage. I've told them it doesn't work like that, but they are pretty sure they would cone with me. Things are rough right now :/

Quoting amanda_mom89: I'm sure it's been pondered in this forum before.. But I often wonder how many of these "I am Mom too" SMs would gladly pay child support (eta: for their skid) should she and her DH divorce.

Not being rude.. Just including all parental obligations.
Quoting SassyMom25: There is one thing that stands out in your 3 examples. A SP is the only one that is not legally responsible for the child. Many times in the courts eyes...biology and/or legal status are the only things that matter.



This protects the legal parents from having anyone come in and stake a claim and it protects the kids from being spread too thin. It also gives the SP something to consider...should they end up divorced, they no longer have a 'legitimate' reason to be in the child's life.
Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 12:30 AM

Technically yes, giving half of your DNA to create a child DOES make you a mom/dad. Unless you adopt a child. 

afwife817
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 12:40 AM
1 mom liked this
It's only like that in here so what does that tell you ;)
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