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Who knew school lunches could be so high conflict?

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 10:27 PM
  • 93 Replies

DH is custodial with approx. 60/40 split on paper. They are here way more than that but that's not here or there.

court order reads each parent is 50% responsible for educational costs. This includes obviously school lunches. Both parents agree to hot lunches. There are two children involved.

In 2011 DH grew tired of BM not sending in enough money as DH would pay his half upfront, but BM would never quite pay enough. This resulted in the lunch accounts going into the negative and the school getting quite aggressive to collect the money owed.  They don't care what the divorce decree states other than who is custodial and that is the only person they will collect from.   DH always ended up forking over another 10-15$ a month as it's about the kids and figured things would even out eventually. He isn't one to squabble over a few dollars.

With both parents paying on both accounts, it made accounting difficult as shed often argue that she paid plenty and left it at that.

So, DH made the decision to split the accounts, her paying for youngest sons account, he pays on oldest sons account. Oldest sons account is $1.00 a more per day. So it was always expected and communicated  that BM would reimburse Dad for the 50 cents a day. She still hasn't to this day. So far its added up to be over $400.00 with the new situation of the remainder of the school year beind paid for upfront for those who think its petty.

Fast forward to the current school year. Youngest son has been in school 4 months now. She has let the account go into the negative 4 times already for a total of 18 times since they split the lunch accounts.

 That's 18 times youngest son has been embarrassed, 18 times the school has harassed us for payment and 18 times we'd get snotty responses from her when we'd forward the school email.

DH tried to discuss with BM that because it's become such an issue he will be paying for both lunch accounts in full at the beginning of each year and has already paid for the remainder of this school year, provided her with a receipt and an invoice and asked to be reimbursed. We are now talking over $400. He even said he's fine with taking monthly payments and offered to set up a paypal because she was bitching about not being able to pay with a credit card.

she flat out refused saying she doesn't have to do what he says, he doesn't have the right to make these kinds of decisions and she will continue to send her money to the school, and even demanded his personal school login. In our district each parent and child gets their own login and they are not to be shared. Heck even I have my own.  

What she's pissy about is her login doesn't allow her to pay online, register the kids,  or change information. You know the things that the custodial parent does.   Hers doesn't allow her these things because she's not custodial..her login only allows her to view grades and the calander and all the basic info. She's really struggling with not having the control and being custodial.

i didn't know that one parent paying the bill upfront would cause such turmoil.....the holidays really bring out her best side.  If she paid for the whole thing upfront, he'd have no problem sending her his half. If your supposed to pay 50% you're supposed to pay 50% right?

DH just figures he will just keep paying upfront, eventually there will be a medical bill he will just deduct what's owed to him out of educational costs from what she prepaid and he owes her or he will eventually just take her to court to collect what's owed to him. At the end of the year the school will send a check to the custodial parent for over payments so maybe it will white wash out then.

silly girl threatening DH to take him to court because she feels he doesn't have the right to pay the lunch account in advance and make these types of decisions. She sure is going to look silly in court if she does!

the best part that makes me literally lol is when she's really upset or really drunk and emailing she starts referring to herself in the 3rd person..  Or rather than saying you and I, she will say me and Dads name.


by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 10:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
packermom4ever
by Still The Queen on Dec. 17, 2013 at 10:51 PM
2 moms liked this

Just tell him to pay it and quit complaining.  Leave court out of it, this is petty.  Or, better yet, make the lunches and call it good.  That way NO ONE has to pay and no one has to play the court card over something so ... petty.

Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:03 PM
2 moms liked this

I always laugh when people post things like this.

I'd be THRILLED if BM would help with school lunches! It's $2.35 a day (or $423 a year) for SD's lunch or we pack a lunch (which just means more in the grocery bill each month). Not counting daily medicine we provide for both homes, therapy supplies we provide in both homes, expenses for therapy and specialists, etc

And BM sometimes pay her CS that's less than $150 a month.

I don't get all of these complains. When you are the custodial household you have more expenses. The end. It's how things work. And, in every single situation taking PROPER care of the child should be more important than who gets to "win" in adult battles. 

Quoting packermom4ever:

Just tell him to pay it and quit complaining.  Leave court out of it, this is petty.  Or, better yet, make the lunches and call it good.  That way NO ONE has to pay and no one has to play the court card over something so ... petty.


thefiregoddess
by on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:08 PM
1 mom liked this
So.. what if she was upset he didn't pay?

Personally I think you should either take it to court or quit whining.

You have no idea what it's like to see a piece of your soul being raised by people you can't stand, because some guy in a robe liked your attorney better.

KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:15 PM

It's not petty to expect a court order to be followed and it's not petty to expect the non custodial parent to financially support their kiddos. I don't tell my husband to do anything, he's a fully functioning adult and he's already paid for it as my post says........but thanks anyways! 

Mom doesnt do cold lunches, so while DH could stop paying for his half he'd still be paying for her half too, that doesn't solve anything.

no ones complaining and if you misread my tongue in cheek post that its such a stupid thing IMO for a mom to Be upset with Dad for being responsible and paying for it and asking to be reimbursed, well that's your own shit.

I was lolling and sharing about it. I think its funny.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Just tell him to pay it and quit complaining.  Leave court out of it, this is petty.  Or, better yet, make the lunches and call it good.  That way NO ONE has to pay and no one has to play the court card over something so ... petty.


KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:20 PM

He's not ever not paid so I don't understand the question. Not everyone is lucky enough to have children with a man who willingly provides for his children even after the divorce and is and remains involved 110%.

No one is whining..I'm being rather tongue in cheek over the matter because I think its so ridiculous for a parent to not financially support her children.

dad isn't custodial because the judge liked his attorney better, dad is custodial because it's the best situation for the children. Perhaps if she could have bothered to quit hitting the kids and put the alcohol down things would be different for her..

Quoting thefiregoddess: So.. what if she was upset he didn't pay?

Personally I think you should either take it to court or quit whining.

You have no idea what it's like to see a piece of your soul being raised by people you can't stand, because some guy in a robe liked your attorney better.


Tinkerbellmama
by Platinum Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:25 PM
2 moms liked this

I can't imagine a judge awarding an abusive alcoholic 40% custody....

Quoting KarmaBusDriver:

No one is whining..I'm being rather tongue in cheek over the matter because I think its so ridiculous for a parent to not financially support her children.

dad isn't custodial because the judge liked his attorney better, dad is custodial because it's the best situation for the children. Perhaps if she could have bothered to quit hitting the kids and put the alcohol down things would be different for her..

Quoting thefiregoddess: So.. what if she was upset he didn't pay?

Personally I think you should either take it to court or quit whining.

You have no idea what it's like to see a piece of your soul being raised by people you can't stand, because some guy in a robe liked your attorney better.



KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:25 PM


Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

I always laugh when people post things like this.

I'd be THRILLED if BM would help with school lunches! It's $2.35 a day (or $423 a year) for SD's lunch or we pack a lunch (which just means more in the grocery bill each month). Not counting daily medicine we provide for both homes, therapy supplies we provide in both homes, expenses for therapy and specialists, etc

And BM sometimes pay her CS that's less than $150 a month.

I don't get all of these complains. When you are the custodial household you have more expenses. The end. It's how things work. And, in every single situation taking PROPER care of the child should be more important than who gets to "win" in adult battles. 


Yup up which is exactly what he did...no complaining here..I was being rather tongue in cheek about her attitude of telling him he had no right to pay it upfront. Like somehow taking care of their children was a bad thing...like I said, she's the one threatening court because he did it....DH figures it will all come out in the wash eventually or when it becomes substantial enough to care about he will do something about it then...but of course he had the right and rather the obligation to do it IMO.

Quoting packermom4ever:

Just tell him to pay it and quit complaining.  Leave court out of it, this is petty.  Or, better yet, make the lunches and call it good.  That way NO ONE has to pay and no one has to play the court card over something so ... petty.



KarmaBusDriver
by ChiefBottleWasher on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:29 PM

Well it happened, our state is huge pro women getting custody and the courts are very biased in favor of moms. She didn't get it without having to jump through a lot of hoops to appease the courts.

Quoting Tinkerbellmama:

I can't imagine a judge awarding an abusive alcoholic 40% custody....

Quoting KarmaBusDriver:

No one is whining..I'm being rather tongue in cheek over the matter because I think its so ridiculous for a parent to not financially support her children.

dad isn't custodial because the judge liked his attorney better, dad is custodial because it's the best situation for the children. Perhaps if she could have bothered to quit hitting the kids and put the alcohol down things would be different for her..

Quoting thefiregoddess: So.. what if she was upset he didn't pay?

Personally I think you should either take it to court or quit whining.

You have no idea what it's like to see a piece of your soul being raised by people you can't stand, because some guy in a robe liked your attorney better.




runinpinkshoes
by Silver Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:33 PM
2 moms liked this

I would certainly be annoyed by that, but also not all that surprised based on how you've described BM. 

I think even though your DH wants to work with her and for things to be fair, the BM has shown plenty of times that paying for the younger one's lunches isn't a priority, so to spare your SS the embarrassment and your DH the hassle of bill collecting attempts, I agree he should just pay up front and then collect the money another way.

sara82lee
by Bronze Member on Dec. 17, 2013 at 11:46 PM
Does your cs agency enforce your cs order? In my state, if a judge says that one parent owes for the children's expenses per the co, that amount can be added into the amounts the agency will assist in collecting.
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